Construction of relations is a myth. It's impossible. You can build, say, home, - then you will need a construction plan, a good contractor and process control. And the relationship is a living organism, and he, like all living things, grows and develops if it is not killed.
What can destroy relationships
The first is expectations or "overdue desires"
When you want something, at first you can experience joy, excitement, inner lift and looking for who you can give it, or who you can share joy and go together towards a dream. The problem is that this "dream picture" is different from different people.
Do you easily let your desires or implement them on your own when the partner does not give you what you want? Most often, even thought about it causes offense and tension. So the dream turns into waiting, gradually finishing severity and negative emotions. This severity creates a sense of debt from your partner, and the debt is the fastest way to kill the desire, even if it was.
As a result, the accumulated expectations require compensation, and you can move away from the partner, go to manipulation or in an open conflict with claims and requirements that can cause a response in the form of even greater resistance and even complete contact with you.
Recommendation:
Property with a partner your needs. The best way is a request where you give a person in advance the right to choose. If he is not ready to give you what you want, just find another form to implement your needs, which will suit you both. If you cannot separate the content from the form or you lack non-violent communication skills, contact a psychologist or Soft-Skills specialist.
Admit that partner is not your property
Photo: pixabay.com/ru.
Second - Border Violation
When you do not respect, that is, do not recognize the personal boundaries of the partner, even if they seem wrong to you, you risk calling an acute protective reaction. A common mistake of many people in a relationship is to consider another person part of their personal territory with the expectation so that he behaves "convenient."
But a much stronger destructive factor for the relationship is to make what is happening in a pair, internship (discussion with girlfriends, etc.), in fact, is the introduction of third parties in the overall space without an agreement with a partner.
Recommendation:
Admit that partner is not your property, specify its borders and create agreements in a common area. Take care of your overall space. Talking with others about your relationships - imagine that your partner would be there and ask yourself a question, would you say that? If you really need to share with someone, consult a psychologist or begin to keep a diary, you can, for example, write your thoughts on the voice recorder. Avoid close communication with people who are poorly responding about your partner and your relationship.
And finally, the third destroyer factor is distrust
When you have the accumulated experience of failures in relationships, the memory of pain, to trust other people can be extremely difficult. Difference is associated with conscious or unconscious expectations that the partner will definitely make something unpleasant. It poisoned proximity and creates a reason to increase control and violation of the partner borders. Oddly enough, precisely fear of betrayal is most often a factor provoking betrayal.
Recommendation:
Choose to trust despite the last experience, because then you will influence the partner confidence, and not suspicion. If you can't, admit to your partner in your fears without charges - and then the influence of distrust will weaken. If the state of distrust is unmanaged and poisoned life - consult a psychologist or teach ways to change your own state.