For a person, whose life takes place in a big city, violation of personal borders - physical and psychological - albeit unpleasant, but still part of everyday life. In addition, we are learned from childhood from childhood to treat the behavior of relatives and friends more condescendingly, because "they can". Psychologists do not agree with this: if you constantly endure discomfort for the comfort of others, albeit very close people, your psyche will simply fail. So how to do, if you do not want to spoil relations with colleagues and relatives, but also to endure the oppression you do not intend? We will tell.
Speak about discomfort immediately
The easiest way when there is a setting relationship with a new acquaintance: you can immediately give to understand that it is normal for you in communication, and what is not. It is quite another thing when we talk about relationships with relatives and friends who are with you almost all your life. Sometimes we will "grow out" with a person that cease to see the boundaries of the permissible, and after all, another person has its own opinion and the reaction to our actions, even if we are familiar to all your life. If this happens and with your relatives, try to "stop" uncomfortable situations as soon as they occur - no need to wait and hope that people will understand that it is unpleasant to you.
Word your conditions
Smoothly arising second paragraph. It is important not to simply negatively react to unacceptable behavior, but also clearly designate its position. We start a sentence with: "I have such a rule ...", "I will ask you to do that in the future, because ..." Do not be afraid to hurt someone's feelings in this way when you clearly denote your borders, a person will always think like you To speak and you will avoid conflicts against the background of familiar appeal, clear wording is especially useful in the workplace, where it is very easy to lose that faction that separates personal relationships from the workers.
Speak confident
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Think about other people, but more - about yourself
A frequent problem of a little people - they constantly think: "And did I hurt Vasya-Light?" In such a situation, it is difficult to defend your borders if you first think, as it will be better for others, moving yourself to the background. Remember that you should be in the first place for yourself, as soon as you begin to respect yourself, supporting your confidence with clear wording, surrounding your energy that will slow them, as soon as they want to feel their superiority over you.
Do not be afraid to talk about the consequences
It happens that a person misses your requests by ears, and most often it happens in the family, where relatives often do not perceive our resistance seriously when trying to cross personal boundaries. In this case, it is necessary to gently, in persistently, to report that upon subsequent attempt, let's say, revision of personal belongings, access to your room for all relatives will be closed.
Be honest
Do not invent the reasons why you are against the appeal to "you" or why you don't like that relatives examine your bag when you return home. Tell me, as is - you do not like such a "proximity," the person should abandon the unpleasant habits in dealing with you either you interrupt this contact. The only way.