It's never too late to work on self-development - whether you at least 20, at least 50 years old. And his important stage, according to modern psychotherapists, is to acquire the skill of defending their borders. People who are inclined to agree on any suggestions and make compromises, afraid to offend others, do an irreparable mistake: they forget about the main thing in their lives not to offend themselves. Tips will help to cope with the problem and start life from pure sheet.
Determine the limits of your patience
Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns: I accept and do not accept. Remember how surrounding them came with you - what their actions made you suffer, and which practically did not cause emotions. Ask, why is it important? The exercise helps to concentrate on their emotions in the separation from the installations of society. The boundaries are including the establishment of the zone of the permitted and prohibited. So for some people treason, the partner will become a severe mental trauma, while others will not see anything terrible in it and continue to live together.
Clearly define the boundaries of the permitted
Look inside yourself
Continue to work on the items discharged when performing past exercise. Ask yourself the question: what do I feel at this moment? Why does this act worries me so much? Each item can dodge the figure from 1 to 10, which characterizes the power of the feelings experienced. During the translational self-analysis, you can determine the basic emotion - it is not always for her anger. Often under the mask of anger hiding insult, fear or pride. "When someone acts in such a way that you feel uncomfortable, for us this is a signal that he can break or cross the border," says the overseas professor of psychology of Hyona. Having worked out these problems, you can free yourself from some installations and adequately respond to the actions of others.
Speak right
Believe me, only a smaller part of people deliberately offends you, others do it unconsciously or do not see anything reprehensible in a act. By pronouncing your emotions out loud, you give a person to understand what the border he should not go. It is not necessary to humiliate the interlocutor: to point out that the topic is not a discussion specifically with him, he does not have enough knowledge for a full conversation or you are annoyed by his thoughts - this is superfluous. "I don't want to discuss my personal life with someone else, except for a partner. Let's choose another topic for conversation? " - Such a neutral phrase you clearly designate your intentions and do not let the feelings of another person.
Feel yourself with a free person Release your guilt
Remove responsibility for the feelings of another person. The psychology of the interlocutor is within its competences, and not yours. In healthy relationships, a partner or parent will not have a question about whether you can refuse to do or tell something - it is perceived as an axiom. Do you live otherwise? Tell me a person about your feelings and let the time to think about the situation - he will understand that he was mistaken and no longer put pressure on you.
What do you think? How do you feel about violation of your borders?