In big cities, this format of relations is welcomed more often than in the outback. The rhythm of the city, the construction of a career, downloaded by plans and affairs days as if they would justify the "free relationship" and make them more attractive compared to the creation of a family.
The second is perceived not as much as the solution of two people about living together, the birth of children and mutual support, as like burden and dependence on loved ones.
Free relationships allow people to maintain maximum independence from each other and independence. Himself dispose of our finances, engage in their hobbies, unhindered to dispose of time. Benefits from this kind of relationship mass. It happens that such couples really live over years, are beautiful friends, travel companions, rest, entertainment and hobbies, live together, sometimes separately, and in each other's family.
But such relationships have their own underwater stones. Statistics says that 10 pairs, whose relationships are not registered, accounts for 6-7 cases of change, which is above half. In marriage this percentage is reduced: out of 10 pairs change partners only in 5 pairs.
Moreover, such relationships end with the desire of one of the partners to create a family, give birth to children. On the part of stable and durable, in fact, these relationships are built on the fragile balance of people with each other. Both partners are obviously establishing the border in the development of their relations (most often it happens unconsciously), which is not going to move. When attempting one of them, this is a secret rule to break, relationships cease to be pleasant and satisfactory.
Family psychology says that the desire to create a family is not only a cultural stamp and historical data. Inside the family with clearly decorated borders, each member of this family can satisfy its basic needs: in reliability, love, recovery, development, recognition, etc. This is largely due to the fact that the family is perceived as an unbreakable structure in which parents / partners accepted The conscious decision to be together and passing the vital crises and the guns hand in hand.
In the free relationship, this basic component is absent. Even with trusting relationships there are many "impossible": to encroach on time or housing, to insist on the birth of children, jealous or be too demanding, to build plans for a distant future. All this greatly affects the feeling of reliability and safety. In fact, the couples living in this kind of relationship are always alert: suddenly everything will end now?
Most often, such relationships end in that one of the partners matures to the creation of a family and finds more suitable for this person.
However, free relationship, if you do not chew them for a long time, as an old chewing, is a useful stage for many people. Thanks to this format of relations, you can learn to respect the personal boundaries of the other, to declare about our desires and goals, develop side by side, try their own strength and implement ambitions.
Although all this is possible in family life, especially if you dispel the myth about the routine, the life and dense dependence of the spouses from each other. But the choice is always yours!
Maria Dyachkova (Zemskova), Psychologist, Family Therapist and Leading Training Personal Growth of the Mary Khazin Training Center