Holidays are already on the nose. Most of us rejoices: New Year - reset all meters, zeroing, vacation week, in the end. And this opportunity to rejoice and have fun, which is very important in such a difficult time. True, even by all the favorite New Year and no less favorite Christmas can be presented to unpleasant surprises: according to statistics, on days after the holidays, the number of appeals of patients for antidepressants literally takes off. What is the reason? We understand how to survive a festive marathon and preserve physical and mental health.
In our family, the bustle always began in two and a half months before the cherished night and stopped only in the spring. And so far: in mid-October, numerous relatives celebrate Mother's birthday, then my, after the Catholic Christmas Eve comes, which for some reason we are very honored. Then the new year itself, then Christmas, the old new year. At the end of January, the grandfather, brother, in early February - dad and grandmother, then the parents celebrate the wedding day, then the name of the grandmother, then February 23, March 8 ... In short, I know since childhood what is "festive race". In the kindergarten, I did not cease to sculpt, glue and draw crafts, at home - to teach poems and songs to get on a stool on the appointed day and an hour and please the culprit of the celebration, to play a snow maiden or a squirrel. It seemed to me that we live in some endless series of important events.
If the upcoming troubles cause no pleasant excitement, but the alarm means it is time to stop and listen to yourself
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You can ask what is bad here? The fact that existence in the permanent holiday mode somehow influenced me, I myself learned closer to thirty years. Before that, I somehow internally strained closer to the fall, then a peak of anxiety happened on New Year's Eve, all the winter I was in a state of stress, returning to the usual tone and efficiency closer to the warm season. Then it seemed that the whole wine of the cold, short days, long nights ... And once I took and "scored" for family celebrations. I congratulated my mother, but I ignored my birthday, I met the new year in pajamas, never for the holidays did not come out with friends. In a word, I somehow overlooked the usual scenario and - about a miracle! "In mid-February, when everyone suffers from avitaminosis and a cold, felt unusual to be bodic and healthy (and a little to blame for the fact that he did not appear on half of family holidays, but then then).
Later I encountered the concept of Too Much Partying (translated from English "Too many Tusovok"). It turns out both rapid fun, and ecstasy, and the endless holiday can be "a lot." This "a lot" affects the state of our nervous system, not giving truly to enjoy the long-awaited solemn events. It turns out, in vain, we regret that a birthday (like other important dates) "only once by the year"?
However, the "red calendar days" becomes the source of neuroses not only for those who once relieved. Have you ever wondered that lonely people are sad to celebrate the solemn events alone with them, while family-run next to their loved ones. However, for family-owned, important dates are due to a mantle when instead of pleasure on the shoulders, the duties for the preparation of a table, entertainment of guests, cleaning ... In a word, each has its own history that can overshadow the light joy and anticipation of the miracle. How to act in order not to lose yourself and save the ability to surprise
and have fun?
The world will not collapse if you stop the race for infinite fun, which all should be tested on New Year's Eve without exception
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When is it time to stop?
- If, instead of joyful expectation, you feel that the thunder cloud is coming on you, and the upcoming troubles cause no pleasant arousal, but the alarm means that the upcoming holidays will be the test for you. Perhaps this year makes sense to skip traditional fun and listen to yourself?
- If you can only think about how New Year's Eve is held, spend the days and weeks, choosing an outfit and accessories for the upcoming parties, for a few months a make-up and hairstyle were picked up, tear away on your relatives and friends, which "do not act according to plan " The feeling of excessive rise, the irresisual waiting for the ICS hour, when it is possible, finally, be glad, indicates that you suffer the symptom of pending life and do not know how to rejoice at the moment here and now.
- If you just do not want a celebration, if there is no mood, strength and desire, nothing terrible! The world will not collapse if you stop the race for infinite fun, which, without exception, should experience on New Year's Eve. Believe me, there will be no better time than the pre-holiday season to give yourself the most important gift - the ability to abandon everyone "necessary" and do what you want.
Three important "not"
1. Do not wait. Rather, wait with the mind - such advice gives psychologists to everyone who wants to speed up the coming of holidays. Do not pin down too large hopes for New Year's Eve, otherwise you risk a disappointment. Forget about the phrase "How to meet, you will spend."
2. Do not prepare. Slow downstream, letting every business and plans for samonek - it's not even skill, and art! In the age of total control, when we constantly "keep on the pencil" every little thing, sometimes it is worth letting go for the situation and "score" to prepare for celebrations.
3. Do not correct. Make a gift to your loved ones and native - do not try to direct them in desires and aspirations to have fun as they want. Be a grateful guest: If you were invited to a noisy party, you should not complain that you have a headache from screams and bright lights.
So accepted
Each of us can get caught in the "festive captivity", when for some reason, nostalgia, sadness, longing and despondency are captured instead of the expected joy and fun. And even if the event itself passed at the proper level, after it you can feel frustration, sadness, depression.
Let's start with the fact that it is often simple to haand in the "high season" or ignore the holidays in our country is often indecent. Skip the "fun hour" you can only for a valid reason, otherwise you will not be understood.
But you agree, this is a big responsibility - to prepare so that on the appointed day you do not raise you, not angry, not tired. We, tuned to spend the night from December 31 to January 1, so that the entire subsequent year is successful, we feel huge pressure from both the media and from our loved ones and friends.
My girlfriend Rita every year was sorely prepared for winter celebrations. She began to choose gifts a month before the new year, carefully and methodically studying the Internet, every day after work, going to shopping centers and boutiques in search of ideal presents. The whole family forced to create crafts and trinkets, which then decorated the apartment. A week before the "hour of X" conducted a general cleaning, dressed up the Christmas tree, which was decorated with copyrighted (his essay, naturally) toys. The day before the holiday began to prepare a table that consisted of ten dishes, no less. Two options of chill, three options for Olivier (including original, with cancer cakes), homemade pickles, hot ... closer to the battle of Margarita quarrents paid for himself five minutes: ran into the shower, headed his head, dressed in a dress (necessarily in the colors of the coming of the year). After the satisfied guests and a little tired family members were filled with festures and proceeded to food, the girlfriend sat down in the chair and fell asleep in it until the morning. At the dawn of the new day of New Year, Rita was already standing by the sink and soap of the mountains of the dishes. I had a visit to her two or three times and every time I watched the same picture. To the question: "Why?" "She won his hands in surprise:" Well, because it is accepted ... the holiday. "
The same story unfolded in our family. First, the grandmother, then the mother was those locomotives who pulled us in the New Year on their shoulders, not allowing the midnight. And when once these duties fell on my shoulders, I just "suffered" inertia. And thought. So do I want to celebrate? Do I need all this fun: a number of cooking, driving around family members who do not listen to my instructions, taking into the oven meat, champagne, which is poorly cooled ... I am absolutely not so imagine a holiday.
And indeed: when we grow up, the magic is often dispelled. It becomes clear that the perfect order, tasty treat, sparkling Christmas tree and long-awaited gifts under it are not just the attributes of the celebration, but the tasks that require solutions. And instead of the children's expectation of the miracle, we experience the burden of responsibility, the holidays turn into a mantle.
To avoid this, it is important for you to understand that for you a real holiday. Mark the traditions and habits that you were transferred to older relatives. They are important and valuable, but should not replace your true motivation. Try to understand how you would like to spend this day. What would the gift for you? What would joy, calm, satisfaction? Be prepared for the fact that the first solemn events you will simply ... ignore. This is natural: you need to take a pause to figure out desires.
The feeling of excessive rise, the irresisual waiting for the hour of X, when it can be finally rejoice, indicates that you suffer from a symptom of pending life
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I operated "from the opposite": I made a list of what I would definitely not do before the New Year and on vacation. He turned out quite impressive. It remained unless to climb into the bed, taking a purchased Olivier with him (cooking was in my "stop list"), watch the series and sleep. I did it. Seeking a beautiful and cozy pajamas, laying new underwear, I lay down in a bed with a favorite TV show and did not get up all evening. Perhaps I can call that holiday one of the best in life. However, the next year I wanted to go to visit - and I followed my desires. And then I came to me important insight: a holiday is when you can afford to do what I want.
From day to day
... But the medal, as you know, the two sides. How to be if you always celebrate all the solemn events as you want, but every time you leave this season than? Psychologists, as always, give exhaustive comments. It turns out that light longing for salutes, the battle of the chimes, the past birthdays and other significant events (if they passed, of course, as you like) - this is a natural our state. We live in the world of comparison, constantly comparing weekdays on weekends, holidays with workers marathons, days with nights, finally. If you remember the party and dream about the continuation of the banquet, but at the same time continue to live in reality, taking and rejoicing the current moment, this is understandable and normal. But if the weeks and months pass like in the fog, while you are waiting for the "Iks Day", this is already a reason to think.
Psychotherapists face this phenomenon very often: many of their customers do not live a full-fledged life between important events, but only exist from Friday to Friday, when they once again be able to arrange a fun evening with friends or go on a party of the year. After the new year got randed, they begin to wait for Christmas, then silence in anticipation on February 23 ... The keyword here "freezes". The problem of people who too love holidays is that they are not able to find joyful moments in gray everyday life. But after all, these most ever in our life are much more! And what comes out? What we skip so many ordinary days as if blocking the ability to have fun until the next celebration.
There is nothing surprising that those who suffer already mentioned by me by Too Much Partying syndrome are painfully faced with reality. They are as if in a long fifteen hangover, to shoot which can only the next dose of the holiday.
Throw all your former ideas about what New Year's Eve and subsequent holidays should be. Looks back and reveal what is happening here and now!
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If you have noticed such a state, it is important to return yourself to the present and learn to stay with you and others here and now. At first it can be very hard, even painfully. You may be boredom and apathy, indifference to work and friends. I remember how my friend, an avid partner Vlad, realized that all his life was solid "Parties," as he was expressed, and muddy, foggy days between them. When quarantine happened, the opportunity to go into the world did not remain left, and he had to face real life. "I like to go to the pit somehow," he confessed. We met after the first Pandemic wave went to the decline. Vlad was cheerful and cheerful, he sounded as if he had just returned from the guests or celebrated his birthday. "I so wandered on the festive mood that I began to arrange myself holidays myself. Everyday".
My buddy, without understanding, took advantage of a working welcome, which pulls out from that inside the "pit" thanks to the fun. He is simple and geniant. The essence of him is that, without waiting for official reasons, prescribed weekends or important dates, please yourself just like that day day. Inspired by a familiar story, I decided to experiment. For a month, "just so" ordered a delicious dinner from restaurants, bought pleasant little things, allowed himself to be sought in a foam bath ... and you know what? New Year's Eve neurosis (the one that about "I will not have time, I will not be able to prepare the table, my gifts, everything disappeared!"), Traditionally whining me since the beginning of December, never manifested me.
Psychologists note that the ability to hold holidays so as to leave them rested, renewed, full of joy and forces to live and act, is one of the signs of identity maturity. Throw all your former ideas about what New Year's Eve and subsequent holidays should be. Looks back and reveal what is happening here and now! Enjoy the bustle and cooking around, not forgetting to listen and hear yourself. And, of course, with the coming you!