Emphakathini wanamuhla, kunemikhombandlela eminingi yokusiza umfazi ukuthi akhulelwe futhi abe ngumama: ngolwazi, ezokwelapha, ngokwengqondo, i-esoteric nabanye.
Yebo, futhi ukufakwa komphakathi ngokwako kuqala ukusebenza ukusekela abesifazane. Kusuka kuma-billboards nakumaphosta, lokho manje ngonyaka womndeni, ubuntwana, ekukholweni okuvele ekhanda okokuqala kowesifazane.
Kodwa-ke, azikho amacala lapho ukukhulelwa kungenzeki. Uma owesifazane enza konke ukuba ngumama, khona-ke izinkomba zezokwelapha ezahlukahlukene, izikhungo zokuzala, ukucwaninga ngekhono lazo lokukhulelwa kanye nokuthola amathuluzi kusiza. Ukuthandwa kuyathola izikhungo ze-eco.
Futhi ngisho nangezimangaliso zomuthi wanamuhla, umcimbi olindelwe isikhathi eside kungenzeka ungafiki. Futhi uma kwenzeka, ngokushesha kuyaphela futhi kuphambanise.
Ngeke sisebenzise izici zezokwelapha, ngoba ufunda i-athikili engingayibhali njengomshana.
Ake sicabangele izindlela eziningana ngezizathu ezijulile umama kunzima ukuba njani. Futhi okuncane kwawazi abesifazane, abanamandla bazama ukubhekana nale nkinga kuphela ebusweni, lapho imizamo yabo iba khona.
Okokuqala, i-neurosis yezenhlalo. Lokhu kuqhathaniswa ngokwakho nemvelo. Lokhu "kusiza" amanethiwekhi omphakathi. Bonke ofunda nabo selivele munye, noma izingane ezimbili, futhi othile kungenzeka angavuli nesidingo sokuba ngumama kusuka ngaphakathi. Owesifazane onjalo ugxile kakhulu emcabangweni womphakathi, ngoba emehlweni 'emphakathi' uzama ukuba "ngokulandelana." Uzama ukuba nengane, hhayi ngentshiseko yalokhu, kodwa kunalokho, ngenhlaka. "Isikhathi sami esingu-30-31-31-31 seside isikhathi." Kepha umzimba wakhe uhlakaniphile futhi uthembekile ngokuqiniseka kwakhe ukuthi kuyadingeka ukuba ube ngumama khona manje, ngoba akufaki iqhaza ekukhulelweni nangomqondo wezokwelapha. Ukulungela ukuba ngumama ukuvuthwa nakho, njengoba kamuva emzimbeni kuzovuthwa ngakwenyama. Futhi indlela yomuntu siqu ebabazekayo yandulela lokhu kulungile lapho lona wesifazane edlula izigaba ezithile: ngokwakhe ngokwakho njengabesifazane, umdlandla kanye nomsebenzi ngokwabo, bahlangana nomlingani kanye nokuzimisela ukuyeka ubuhlobo bezingane. Le ndlela ingumuntu ngamunye, ngakho-ke akunakwenzeka ukusho ukuthi ngeminyaka engama-30 owesifazane ngamunye kufanele adlule. Okokuqala, kuncike kowesifazane othile, umlando wawo, isiphetho kanye nekhono lokuzitholela bona kanye nomsebenzi wabo wesifazane.
Okwesibili, ukuthembeka. Lesi ngesinye sezidingo eziyisisekelo zabantu bebonke, futhi nangaphezulu kwalokho abesifazane balungiselela ukukhulelwa. Emiqhutini kwami, bekukhona amacala lapho abesifazane befika bezobonisana nami "okufanele nginze nami ukuba ngibe ngumama," futhi ngenxa yalokho, kwavela ukuthi bahlala namadoda angenakuthembela ngokuphelele. Isidumbu sabo saphoshwa yi-adrenaline, ngoba abayeni babo bayaphuza, bashaya, bashintshe noma baphile ngezindleko zabesifazane bazo. Isimo sibonakaliswa ngokwemvelo ngowesifazane njengongaphephile wenzalo, ngakho-ke ukukhulelwa akwenzeki. Imvamisa abesifazane abanjalo bathethelela amadoda abo, kepha imvelo yabesifazane abahlakaniphile kithi kunzima ukukhohlisa. Isizinda se-hormonal esikhuthaza ukukhulelwa sidalwe emzimbeni lapho owesifazane egculisekile, evikelekile futhi egculisekile ngokuthi umlingani wakhe amkhathalela kanjani. Kuyiqiniso, kunezimo eziningi eziphikisana nalesi sitatimende lapho kufika ukukhulelwa kungqubuzana. Kodwa-ke, sikhuluma ngezimbangela ezijwayelekile, kungani ingane elindelwe isikhathi eside ingasebenzi.
Okwesithathu, izimo zomndeni kanye nethonya lamagugu abesifazane. Kubukeka sengathi kungangithinta kanjani ukuthi abesifazane baphila kanjani futhi babelethe izingane izizukulwane eziningana ezedlule? Futhi nazi izindawo zabo ezijabulisayo noma ezingezinhle zomama? Kodwa-ke, kunezifundo eziningi eziphakamisa ukuthi yindaba yomhlangano wethu wabesifazane nathi iyasithinta.
I-Therapist edume kakhulu u-Anselyin Schitsisberger eSifundweni Sakhe "Syndrome" athi:
Isibonelo, ukushona kwengane noma umama ngokuzalwa kwengane, ukulahleka okubuhlungu nokuhlukaniswa nezingane, kuyaphindwa ngezikhathi ezithile kumadodakazi alabo besifazane abakuthola lokhu. Kunzima ukuphendula umbuzo: "Kwenzeka kanjani lokhu?" noma "Ngani?". Kunezibalo kuphela zobunzima nokukhulelwa kungaba yisimo esijwayelekile.
Noma okuphambene nalokho, "impilo yonke yezingane" iyisikweletu somndeni. Futhi izizukulwane eziningi impilo yabazali yaphela lapho nje kuvela izingane. Babeyeka ukuzithanda, kwahlelwa ukuxhumana phakathi kwabashadikazi, wonke umuntu wanikelwa ingane ekhulayo. Imvamisa ungezwa kwabesifazane abakhule emindenini enjalo ukuthi "ingane ukuphela kwempilo yami ngiyayithanda." Futhi nangawo yonke imizamo yokukhulelwa, ukukhulelwa akwenzeki, ngoba owesifazana udonsela ekuqaleni kwalesi "ukuphela."
Ngokuvamile, isihloko sibanzi kakhulu kangangokuba akunakwenzeka ukuthi ubhale i-athikili, kodwa inqubo yangempela ekutadisheni izizathu zengqondo zobunzima bokukhulelwa. Qiniseka ukuthi uqhubeka nokukhuluma ngakho, kanjalo?
UMaria Dyachkova, isazi sezengqondo, udokotela wezokwelapha umndeni kanye nokuqeqeshwa okuholayo kweSikhungo Sokukhulisa Ukukhula KwaMarika Khazin