Lo mbhalo uzobheka umbuzo omncane wokuthi amakhasimende amaningi amaqembu emihlangano nemihlangano ebuzwayo. Kungani kunzima ukuthethelela abazali? Kungenzeka kanjani uma, ngokwesibonelo, abazali babesebenza ubusuku nemini? Unikeze i-Garden Booding futhi wayithatha ngezikhathi ezithile ngempelasonto? Uma uphuza, shaya? Kwesinye isikhathi kunzima ukuthethelela ukubanda ngokomzwelo. Kubukeka sengathi ingane ibinakho konke: isikhova, esigqoke, isilonda, kepha usizi lwakhe nokuthuka kwakungenakwenzeka ukuveza. Futhi ungamthethelela kanjani lowo owayengekho, ngokwesibonelo? Abazali bahlukanisile hhayi kuphela, kodwa nalowo owayehamba, wayeka ukuvakashela ingane yakhe? Futhi lowo owasala, wenza intukuthelo yakhe enganeni? Futhi ukuthi uthethelela kanjani, uma ingane endala yaphendulwa umhlengikazi omncane, ngaleyo ndlela abhale ubuntwana? Futhi imibuzo enjalo ayisiyisigidi. Kakhulu ukuzama ukuphendula. Icala ngalinye liyinto yomuntu ngamunye futhi eyingqayizivele.
Kodwa-ke, kulesi sihloko, ngingabhala izinkomba eziningana zokuzijwayeza ezisizile ukunciphisa izinga lokungezwani ekuxhumaneni nabazali kubantu abadala, imvamisa labo abadale imindeni yabo futhi babona, nokho, eziningi ezinhlelweni zabo.
Enye yezinto ezitshendingile zobunzima bethu ezingokomzwelo nabazali amanga, njengoba kubonakala kimi, embuzweni odabulayo. 'Thethelela' umgomo, futhi akulula ukuza kuye. Isibonelo, u-Elizabeth Kübler-Ross wabhala incwadi ethi "Ekufeni nokufa". Kulomsebenzi, wachaza izigaba ezinhlanu zokuvalelisa kulabo abasishiyile. Futhi intethelelo noma, ngokuya ngesigama sayo, ukuthobeka kuyisigaba sokugcina kuphela. Ngaphambi kwalapho, sithukuthele, siyakuzonda, siziphakamisile, sixoxisana namasosha aphezulu kakhulu, sibhekene nalasha ngokuphelelwa yithemba nobuhlungu, kodwa kuphela lapho sathobeka khona. Futhi okukhulunywa ngayo, hlangana neqiniso lokulahlekelwa. Kepha umbhali waqhubeka. Iqiniso ngukuthi lezi zigaba zinganwetshwa kunoma yiziphi izinhlobo zokuqedwa kobudlelwano. Lokhu kwenzeka ngabathandwa abanengxenye. Nangomsebenzi esidutshulwe ngawo. Futhi ngamadolobha, lapho siphoqelelwa khona ukuhambisa. Futhi ngothisha abathandayo, nabantu ofunda nabo ... zonke lezi zigameko zihambisana nanoma yiliphi igebe.
Kepha manje useduze nesihloko. Isibonelo, umama washaya ingane yakhe okokuqala. Futhi umhlaba wakhe lapho uMama Wenziwe Kwamadoda, waphela. Futhi ubhekene nentukuthelo, icala, ukuphelelwa yithemba, ukuthutha intukuthelo, ukudabuka, mhlawumbe kamuva ukukhumbula leli qiniso.
U-Elizabeth Kübler-Ross wabhala ukuthi le nqubo ye-Psyche imvelo impela, kepha isiko lisidinga ukuba simshiye: Awukwazi ukuthulisa abazali bami, umama wami kufanele aqondwe, ngoba ukhathele. Nenqubo "yanamathela".
Izinyembezi ezivuthayo kusuka ekuphazamisekeni kokuhlupheka kwabantu abadala bezingane nokuboshwa
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Imvamisa, ngokubonisana ngalesi sihloko, kuyadingeka ukuthola ngqo lapho inqubo ibambeke khona. Isibonelo, uma ingane ngemuva kokuba abazali bemshaya, ibathule futhi bacele intethelelo. Uphoqeleka ukuthi agwinye imizwa yakhe, abashiye bathande ukulondolozwa kobudlelwano. Ngemuva kweminyaka eminingi, ungezwa amazwi anjalo: "Ngingaba ngubani ngaleso sikhathi, uma benginamapayipi noma ngincenga nami?" Ukuze uzisindise emizweni enzima, njengokuphelelwa yithemba, futhi uzibonele ngokufakelwa okugcwele, kufanele uqinisekise ukuthi kwenzekeni.
Ngokucophelela nangokucophelela kuzodingeka uvule iveli yezimpikiswano ezinengqondo futhi ukhulule imfihlo efihliwe ngaphandle. Imvamisa iyimfihlo elula kakhulu - izinyembezi ezivuthayo, ukugwema ukucasuka kobunzima bezingane nokuswela amantombazane amancane nabafana, kepha bakhala ngalezi zintethe vele. Ekugcineni, kwesinye isikhathi iminyaka namashumi eminyaka, kugcinwe ngasese, ngisho nangawo, kuvezwa imizwa, khona-ke inqubo "yokuthethelela" iqhubekela phambili ngaphandle kobunzima.
Isici sesibili sokusebenzisa intethelelo sivela kumalungiselelo ohlelo lomndeni. UBert Hellinger wathi eqinisweni ingane ingenawo "amandla" okuthethelela umzali. Akakwazi ukuba yihluleli kuye, njengoba isisindo sakhe emndenini uPierarchy singaphansi komzali. Ukulwela ukudlula komzali ukukophule ukukhohlisa okungamanga ukuthi ingane inamandla kunomzali wakhe, ngobuchule, onolwazi ngokwengeziwe. Ukuthi usesimweni somzali, khona-ke lokhu ngeke ngokunembile. Ukuthethelela kulo mongo kuyinjongo yamanga. Ngokufanelekile, kungaba ukuqashelwa kwelungelo lomzali lokuba njengoba ayenjalo, futhi azibone njengoba linjalo, kufaka phakathi isifiso sakhe sokujezisa, ukudideka, ukuziphindisela ekunciphiseni. Lapho le mizwa nezifiso zibhalwe ngokomthetho futhi kubhekwane nazo ngokusemthethweni, amaconsi kagesi, njengoba akudingekile ukupompela amandla kumbono wamanga ukuze akhuphuke ngokuthobeka umzali.
Inkinga yesibili evamile ukuthi ihlelele abazali bakho.
Photo: Pixabay.com/Ru.
Futhi esinye isici esivame ukulandela ukusuka endaweni edlule. Ukuthethelela nokwamukela akunakwenzeka, ngoba ingane evuthiwe "inquma" ukuthatha imali noma izinsizakalo. Isibonelo, ngaphandle kwamaphesenti ukuthatha abazali ezikweletini futhi banganikezi, baphonsa izingane zakho ukuthi bakhuphuke futhi bafune ukuthi ogogo nomkhulu bakhuphule ngokwezicelo, futhi izimangalo zingavimbi izimangalo. Dinga abazali abangakaze bazi ukuthi bangasusa kanjani imizwa yecala ngemfundo engafanele, uhlobo olunomusa, olumnene ngaphandle kwesithunzi sokuhlanjalazwa noma ukunganeliseki. Abazali abanjalo abakwazi ukugula, ukuba semoyeni omubi futhi bangabheki imihlangano nezingane. Izingane Zabhalwa Zabhalwa zifisa ukuthola ngqo. Lapho-ke intethelelo ayinakwenzeka, njengoba kudingekile ukubona ilungelo labazali ngezimpilo zabo, ngesinye isikhathi ezezimali zabo, impahla kanye nelungelo lokuzilahla ngokubona kwabo. Intethelelo izoletha ezingeni elihluke ngokuphelele lesimo sengqondo, lapho abazali bengakhokhisi ingane yakhe. Futhi lezi zilawuli ezinomthwalo zinzima kakhulu ukuvumela abantu abadala.
Ungafunda i-athikili bese ucabanga: "Hhayi-ke, zinto ezesabekayo zibhalwe lapha! Angilungile, abazali bami bamangalisa kakhulu! Futhi ingane yayinhle! Futhi manje konke kuhamba kahle! " Futhi welule ukumamatheka okungekho emthethweni ebusweni. Inkinga yesibili evamile ukuthi ihlelele abazali bakho. Ungazisusi esisekelweni saphezulu bese ubeka izici zengelosi. Musa ukuqaphela izinhlungu, ezinolwazi eduze kwazo, futhi ngenxa yalokho, ungakhuli futhi wakukhulisa amandla akho okukushaya ngeqiniso. Kepha lesi isihloko esihluke ngokuphelele ...
UMaria Dyachkova, isazi sezengqondo, udokotela wezokwelapha umndeni kanye nokuqeqeshwa okuholayo kweSikhungo Sokukhulisa Ukukhula KwaMarika Khazin