Ngezindlela eziningi, kunenkinga yokungabaza ngemizwa yomunye nomunye. Isibonelo, unqume ukuchitha kusihlwa nezintombi, ushiye umuntu ekhaya. Awuzange futhi uqaphele ukuthi isikhathi sidlule kanjani ezingxoxweni futhi ulahlekelwe isikhathi esingakanani kuze kube yilapho bethola umyalezo omubi ovela kumlingani wakho ngombuzo onombuzo owuphi. Futhi, ebuyela ekhaya ngemuva kwamabili, wamthola namanje engalali futhi ebheke eceleni.
Ucwaningo olujabulisayo
Esikhathini esithile esidlule, ososayensi endaweni yobudlelwano beza esiphethweni sokuthi abantu abadala abazizwa bephephile bebenjalo ngenxa yezinkinga ubudala, lapho abanakekeli (imvamisa yabazali) bengakwazanga ukwanelisa izidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo ezinkulu. Ngokusho komqondo wezitayela zokunamathisela, abantu abadala bayaqhubeka ebudlelwaneni nabanye abantu abadala okubizwa ngokuthi "amamodeli angaphakathi asebenza", okuwumphumela wokuthi bakunakekele kanjani ubuntwana. Abantu abadala abanokunamathiselwa okuthembekile bazokwazi ukubekezelela i-spectrum ebanzi yezimo zobudlelwano obunobudlelwano obunokunamathiselwa okungathembekile, ama-alamu awo adalwa ngokuzithoba okuncane kokunganaki okuvela kubalingani babo. Ucwaningo olusha olwenziwe nguJacomo Chokka nozakwabo abavela eRoma University of Sapienzo (2020) baphakamisa ukuthi isitayela sokunamathiselwe esingaphephile siholela ekutheni bakwazi ukulawula ukwehluleka, kodwa futhi nokusetshenziswa kwe okubizwa ngokuthi izindlela zokuvikela ezingavuthiwe.
Ngokusekelwe emcabangweni we-Psychoydynamic, ababhali baphawula ukuthi imibono yesimanje ngezinhlangothi ezivikelayo zibabheka njengendlela yokusabela "engcupheni noma imizwa yengqondo engcupheni engadala ukucindezelwa ngokwengqondo futhi bashintshe umbono wabo." Kusukela kulokhu kubukwa, isitayela sothando esingaphephile singaba kuphela isizathu sokudinga njalo umlingani wakho ngokuzethemba.
Umehluko kanye nezinzwa izimpande ziya ebuntwaneni
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Izindlela zokuvikela zokunamathiselwe
Imikhakha yezinqubo zokuvikela ngaphakathi kwale ndlela iyahlukahluka kusuka ku- "IllouRture", okubandakanya "ukuhlanekezela kwangempela", "ukuvuthwa", okukuvumelayo ngokuthi "imizwa eyingozi. Ngokusho kwababhali base-Italian, abalingani basabela kakhulu kakhulu kulokho abaphonswa yilesi simo lapho besaba kakhulu ngokwesaba ukuthi ngeke bakwazi ngisho nokubona iqiniso lokuthi kwenzekani kubo. Ngakho-ke, inhlanganisela yesitayela esingathembekile sokunamathisela okunamathiselwe nokuvikela okungafanele kungaholela eqinisweni lokuthi umlingani wakho eqashiwe futhi acasuke lapho kuzwakala ukuthi uswele "ukusekelwa".
Njengoba kudlule ucwaningo
Ukubheka le ndlela, uChokka nozakwabo bahlole imodeli yezibalo kwisampula yabafundi basekolishi abangama-1129 abahlala e-Italy, izindlela zokuvikela futhi, ngenxa yalokho, ukucindezelwa kwengqondo. Iminyaka yababambiqhaza ibisuka ku-18 yaya ku-49, kepha ngokwesilinganiso, iminyaka engama-22, futhi iningi (ama-65%) kwakukhona abesifazane. Isilinganiso sesitayela sokunamathiselwe sinikeze ukuhlolwa kwahlanganiswa ngayo ngokweqiniso, wethuka (wesaba ukusondelana), othintekayo (wesaba ukushiywa) noma angafuni ukunamathiselwa). Njengoba ababhali bebikezela, abantu abathola amaphuzu aphezulu noma ukukhathazeka, noma isitayela esesabekayo sokunamathiselwe, kungenzeka ukuthi babike amazinga aphezulu osizi.
Abantu abanesitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile abaqiniseki hhayi ebudlelwaneni kuphela, kodwa futhi ngomqondo wabo wobunikazi. Bazama ukuzivimba bona babone lo muzwa wobuthakathaka, baphendukela kwenye yezinqubo ezimbalwa zokuvikela abangavuthiwe, kodwa kuphela kwandisa isimo. Esikhundleni sokubona nokuthatha izinkinga zakho, zizama kakhulu ukuzifihla.
Ungayisebenzisa kanjani-ke yini imiphumela yocwaningo ukusiza umlingani wakho alawule kangcono imizwa yakho?
1. Yazisa umthombo wokungavikeleki komlingani wakho. Akekho ofuna ukuba nesitayela sokunamathiselwe esingathembekile. Uma umlingani wakho efuna ukunakwa ngokweqile, lokhu akuhlobene nokuzikhethela kwakhe.
2. Sekela umuzwa wobunye ubunikazi bomlingani wakho. Futhi wena, futhi umlingani wakho anganqoba ekuqapheleni kwezinhlangothi eziqinile nezinhle zomunye nomunye.
3. Yiba nesineke nokusekelwa. Futhi, umlingani wakho akafuni ukuba njalo. Kulula ukuthukuthela futhi uvikele, ngakho-ke zama ukuzola.
4. Siza umlingani ephethe indlela eya izindlela ezivuthiwe zokuvikela. Khumbula ukuthi amahlaya kungenye yezindlela ezivuthiwe zokuvikela. Yize kungabonakala sengathi kunciphisa umlilo, mhlawumbe ngomzuzu ozolile ngokwengeziwe ungavumelana nomlingani wakho ngezindlela zokukhipha isimo ngokumamatheka noma ihlaya.
Umlingani wakho angahlula ukungazethembi kwawo ngokomzwelo.
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5. Sebenzisa izimo ezikhule kakhulu esikhathini esedlule, njengendlela yokulungiselela ikusasa. Futhi, lapho nje isimo sesizolile ngokwengeziwe, babuya (ngaphandle kwezindleko) ezinkumbulweni, njengoba yonke ikhula esimweni esifanayo ukuthola ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuphuma kwezinkinga ezifanayo kusuka ngaphansi kolawulo.
6. Thola izindlela zokubhekana nakho kwakho. Kuyinto enkulu ukubhekana neshwa lothandekayo. Usafuna ukubona abangane bodwa ngisho nomlingani wezinzwa. Uma usetha imithetho eyisisekelo yobudlelwano kusengaphambili, intandokazi yakho izokwazi ukwamukela izehlakalo lapho ufuna ukuba ngaphandle kwawo, ngokuzola okukhulu.
Ukufingqa, kungashiwo ukuthi ukutholakala komlingani oza ngokufutheka futhi kucacelwe, kungakhathaza impilo yansuku zonke kini nobabili. Ukuqonda izikhulumi ezingaqinisekini ukuqiniseka komlingani wakho kungakusiza ekubuyiseleni esivunguvungwini esivunguvungwini esigcwele.