Ukudinwa, kubuhlungu, kubangela ukuba iintlungu kunye nokuphelelwa lithemba, nto leyo engapheli, isusa yonke imikhosi, iyonakalisa-ichaze imvakalelo yomona, wonke umntu owakha wayiva. Iingcali zengqondo zithi, kubunzulu bayo, ikhwele linokuthelekiswa nosizi lokulahleka, kunye nokwahlukana nedwa: Intlungu iyahamba. Ngaba unekhwele? Sifumanisa ukuba ikukoyikisa njani, nokuba kufanelekile ukuba kube nzima kangakanani na lo mlinganiso kunye nendlela yokuthatha phezulu ngaphezulu kwayo.
Kwenzeka ukuba ndikhule phakathi kweenkolelo: "Thobisa ikhwele lakhe!", "Mayiphose", "uyanomona - kuthetha ukuba uyathanda." Kwaye, ewe, le nto ithandwayo kwingcinga yam ityhilwe ngomntu othandekayo kunye nomona ongendawo, ongandinikanga ukuba ndimde ndimde ndimde ndimkile, kuba uza kwenza njani ngaphandle kweemovie? Iingcamango zam zothando malunga nendlela, nditshiswayo kunye noncwadi: I-herone ye-proce enkulu nencinane inokubangela ikhwele yonyulo lwabo olukhethiweyo (okanye ukubandezeleka ngenxa yokrokrela.
Ukususela ebuntwaneni, sicinga ukuba uthando lokwenene luphawu ngesandla kunye nomona- kwaye, ngendlela, siyifumana ukususela ebuntwaneni. Kuyinyani, xa besenza abantwana, siya kusilela kwaye sikwazi ukuhleka imbonakalo yomntwana wethu. Kubonakala ngathi iimvakalelo zabantu abadala ziyahluka-kodwa enyanisweni, akukho minyaka inkulu, kunye nomyeni oneminyaka ubudala, kunye nomyeni omkhulu oseleluphele.
Igama elifanelekileyo
Ngokumangalisayo, oochwephesha bezengqondo, ekuhambeni kwazo bekudala behleli kwaye bebiza umona, bengazange bawuphendule malunga naloo nto ivela kuyo, abakwaziyo, bakhona, kwaye bengavumi Kukuba yintoni le, ekugqibeleni.
Uninzi lwabaphengululi kwimiphefumlo yabantu bayavuma ukuba ikhwele liyinto entsonkothileyo, ngokuyintloko inxulumana nesoyikiso Ukuphulukana nothando, ukwamkelwa, impembelelo. Sisoyike kunye nokoyika, indima enkulu idlalwa sisithuko ("ndikhetha umntu!"), Umsindo nonxaniweyo.
Ukuba siyayithatha le thiyori, iyabonakala: Umona uyakwazi ukuziva bonke abantu. Ngapha koko, kwanesisu esimazinziyo siqhelene neziva "ezithandekayo". Ndikhumbula indlela eya kwigumbi apho ikati yethu yakudala labela apha, uMzalwana wazisa iKitten entle. Ukuvela komntu ngamnye okhuphisana, apho onke amakhaya ahanjiswa, atshintshe uMosci ukuba akanakwenzeka: ngaxesha-ngaxeshanye wathanda ngokungaqhelekanga, kwaye enoburharha, kwaye enobukrakra. Kwaye ukuba "inyamakazi enamagama aluhlaza" ichaphazela abazalwana bethu abancinci, khawucinge nje ngento eyenza nemiphefumlo yethu!
Ikhwele lichazwa njengeemvakalelo zokuphelisa, ezibuhlungu kunye neyonakalisa
Ifoto: HARTAHH.USPUS.com.
Inkolelo ixhaphakile ukuba umona yimiphumo yokonzakala kwabantwana, ngenxa yoko umntu akazange abe nembono yokuzihlaziya; Ngamafutshane, endaweni yokuzithemba okwaneleyo, wathoba. Umntu onjalo uhlala elindele ukuba uza kushiywa umntu kunye nento ebhetele, kuba akakufanelekeli naluphi na uthando okanye ukunyaniseka.
Oku kungenxa yoko: Ngokwenene, ngokweenkcukacha-manani, uninzi lweempuku lwaphuma kwiintsapho ezingasebenzi kakuhle. Kodwa, ngaphambili, kwaye ngubani ongekhoyo kuloo nto? Abazali abanqabileyo (kwaye ukuba ngabazali, asikuko ingcikivo, kodwa ukuvunywa kwezibakala) ungasebenzi kubantwana babo bokulimala, kwaye kuqala kuzo zonke iinkonzo zethu kubo. Okwesibini, nokuba ulungile ngokuzithemba (wena, umzekelo, uvukile kwi-msm kunye notata okanye ixesha elide kwaye ungaze uzinze ngononophelo ukuba ungaze wazi i-cocktail enzulu yokoyika, umsindo nokuthandabuza.
Ke, savuma ukuba umona yenye yezona zimnandi, ke ngokuthe ngqo phakathi kweemvakalelo zomntu eziqhelekileyo esijongene nazo ngandlel 'ithile. Sinekhwele kuthi, sinomonge. Yenzeka ... ngokuzenzekelayo! Asinakubandakanywa, okanye ungacingeli ngakumbi ukuzama ukuqiniseka okanye 'ukuqokelela "indlela yokucebisa indawo elungileyo yokucebisa.
Ke, intombi yam, indalo entle, eyayisenyuka ngosapho olungqongqo kwaye laziqhelanisa ne-turia ngephanyazo, ukuba indoda yakhe yalibaziseka emsebenzini okanye ayizange ithathe ifowuni. "Awuyi kukholelwa ukuba into ethile kwingqondo icofa-kwaye yonke into ihamba ngendlela. Ukucaphukela, iintlungu, ukuziva ngathi ngoku uyandingcatsha, "intombi yakhalaza.
Ke, simele sityhalelwe esinqeni, sithandabuza kwaye sithandabuza amaqabane ethu? Ngethamsanqa, kukho ubuchwephesha bokusetyenziswa okunokubekwa esweni kwaye kunciphise ubukhulu bezi "uhlaselo". Kuyinyani, kubalulekile ukuba uqonde ukuba azinakho ukwenza naliphi na ikhwele.
Ukuthemba kodwa qinisekisa
Inyani yile yokuba izazinzulu zahlula phakathi kweentlobo ezine zale mvakalelo. Isiqhelo kwaye siyaqondakaliswa kuye wonke umntu - ikhwele liyimiliko, iingcambu zalo zingangotyekelo lwakho okanye oqhubekayo kwaye azithandi, kodwa kwimeko ethile ephuhlise ngenene.
Ikhwele yile:
Uloyiko. Yonke i-cucktail yekhwele, uloyiko luyimvakalelo ephambili. Ekoyikeni akukho nto imbi: Lo ngumqondiso wokuhlanganisa onke amandla. Kodwa ukuhlala kuvavanywa kuyingozi kwaye kuyingozi. Nxiba kwimeko- isiqubulo sethu.
Umsindo. Uloyiko lubandakanyiwe kwiimvakalelo ezisisiseko - umsindo, othetha malunga nokungavisisani kwetyala lakho nokuba kwenzeka ntoni. Ngaba ungathanda ukuba uthanda xa (ucinga njani) komnye umntu? Umsindo kufuneka unike indlela yokuphuma - ukubetha imiqamelo ukukunceda.
Ingqumbo. UGorge, ukutsala, ukukhetha i-insult yamandla - umxube wosizi kunye nemfesane, imvakalelo yokungabikho kokusesikweni kunye nobubi okwenzekayo. Olu lolona luyiyonakalisa yonke imeko yeemvakalelo, akanawo "umva".
Umhlobo wam olungileyo uSasha, ukuzola kunye ne-hlegmacy phakathi kwethu, evele i-hler ichithe yonke inkampani, ukuseka inenekazi lakhe, ndabona ukuba ukuvula i-factor yeziko apho sahlanganisana khona. Nantsi ke, sisizathu sokwenyani sokuba nomsindo kunye noloyiko kunye nokuthuka kungazekiswa ngaphakathi.
Nangona kunjalo, kutheni ukuya kude? Umntwana wam oya kwamkela kuphela umhlaba weemvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo, sele efezekisile iimeko apho umona ugwetyelwe khona. Ujongana ngokugqibeleleyo nezinto zayo ezibalulekileyo kwindawo yokudlala, kodwa ibalulekile ukuze uqhagamshelane nam nabani na omnye umntu (onokuthi athethe naye okanye athabathe isandla!) - Yonke into, uNyana uyazabalazela ukuhamba kum ngemfazwe Cwangcisa, apho i-gorr iqikelele: "Umama ngoku uza kukhetha omnye umntu!" ELizwini, ikhwele licacile xa usiya kwimeko apho kuyinto yemvelo yoyike ukuba ubudlelwane abunakutshintshwa bhetele.
Olu hlobo lomona luqhelekile kuye wonke umntu, kwaye ngokufuthi luphawu kubudlelwane bokuyila. Kutheni le nto imeko yayisebenza njengemfaneleko yokuba nekhwele? Mhlawumbi imanyano yakho iphawula ilunge ngakumbi kunamaxesha amahle?
Ukuba udibene nekhwele lemimandla, kubalulekile ukwenza izinto ezimbini: Phila ngokupheleleyo (khalinda, unexhala, kwaye emva koko "ukufihla iqabane lakho kukudla ngaphakathi. Ixesha lokuphuma liza kukunika ithuba lokusabela kuwe, ke hlala phantsi kwaye wenze ulwaneliseko: Ngaba ngokwenene sinecebo lokuloyika kunye nemincili? Ngaba kwenzeka ngaphambili?
Kodwa, mhlawumbi, lo mbuzo uphambili oza kuzibuza yena yonke i-jeep, ngolu hlobo lulandelayo: Ngaba kufanelekile ukuthetha malunga neemvakalelo zabo ngento ekhwele umona? Ingcebiso yethu ayiqinisekanga: kufanelekile! Sebenzisa "Imiyalezo", musa ukugxeka, ungahlaseli, thetha ngamava akho nangezinto ezakhokelela kubo. "Ayaziwa, ukuthula kunye nokukrokrela kweyona nto imbi kakhulu kwaye ingumntu owawusesichengeni", "ndandinexhala apho wawunamabinzana awunkcenkceshela iqabane lakho, mxelele ngam.
Kubalulekile ukuba uqonde ukuba isikhweletisi esingekuko ukuba silwe ngandlela thile. Kwaye ewe, ezi zinto zibonakalisayo zibukhali zinokuhamba kunye nothando lwenene. Kodwa ukuba ngequbuliso iqabane lakho alinakhwele, ayithethi kwaphela malunga nokungakhathali! Kukho, kukho phakathi kwethu aba bantu bangaphandle - abantu abaneenyawo zabo, bazithanda kwaye abanye abantu abakwazi ukususa uloyiko lwabo ngolwalamano lwabo. Ngokwenene ifunelani enkulu, kwaye ihlala ingenakuthintelwa amabango kuwe ngembuyekezo okanye ukuhamba rhoqo nomhlobo osenyongweni kunqande iimvakalelo zendalo.
Kodwa kukho amaxesha apho iziqendu ezingatshatanga ziya zisanda kwaye zihlala zininzi, kwaye ngoku ixhala, intiyo kunye nengqumbo kwiqabane lakho: Ndihlala Ufuna ukufowuna okanye ubhale umyeni wakho, ufumanise ukuba wenza ntoni, ukuchukumisa inqanaba lakhe lomdla, ukulawula intshukumo kunye nonxibelelwano. Phila kwisingqisho esinjalo kunzima kakhulu - kwaye ngaba kunjalo? Ngokwesiqhelo umntu oqhelene nekhwele lendlela (kwaye le meko ikwabizwa), ibeka umnqamlezo kwizinto azithandayo kunye nezinto ozithandayo, "ukugxininisa ngokupheleleyo kwinto yokuqhubela phambili, ingqumbo okanye ukuthandabuza Uthando lwakhe.
Iimvakalelo ezifuna ukulungiswa. Kwaoko, le ngxaki ayikwazanga ukuyicombulula le ngxaki, kuba ikhwele le-15 yinxalenye ebonakalayo ye-iceckerg yeengxaki zengqondo, eyona nto iphambili kuyo. Zombini zombini - amava esidibana nabo ebuntwaneni, kwaye kwakhona "ubone" i-psychotherapist iya kunceda kubo.
Apha ndifuna ukukhumbula ngelithi "icala elichaphazelekayo" kwaye uthethe ngabo uliqabane lonomona. Ndikhe ndatyelela eli cala lezinto ezixhaphakileyo: Ndisoyikiswa kukukrokrelwa kunye nezikhalazo, uDomimali ngokulawula rhoqo, enyuka izwi, elibonileyo kwinyathelo lam elifihlakeleyo. Awu, akukho ngongoma ekukhokeleni isiqingatha sesibini uye kwingcali: Ngaphandle kwakhe umnqweno, akukho nto iya kuza kunomona. Kodwa akufuneki uyenzele, unciphise abafowunelwa bakho kunye nentshukumo. Ndizamile ukwenza njalo, kodwa yacaca: Inyani yile yokuba oonobangela bokwenyani abakho kwindlela yam, kodwa ngenxa yokulimala kwakhe kwengqondo. Ezinye zezona zinto ndiziphetheyo, ezikhulileyo ze-Othello ezikhulileyo zasekhaya zafumana izizathu zehloni kunye nokungoneliseki.
Uhlobo lwesithathu lomona lujamelene: ukukrokrela malunga neqabane kusekwe kwinto ... wena utshintsha! Yonke into ilula: Ukuqonda ukuba oku kunokwenzeka kwelinye icala, ugqiba kwelokuba kukho amabali afanayo "kunxweme olungalunganga".
Ibhunga eliyintloko: Ukuba uli-pathological, ingqolowa okanye uhlengahlengiso olubhekenti, uyazi ngeengxaki zam, kufanelekile ukuba uqhagamshelane nogqirha wengqondo okanye i-psychotherapist
Ifoto: HARTAHH.USPUS.com.
Uhlobo lwesine luphawu obizwa ngokuba ngumona, xa ukrokrela okungapheliyo yayiyimodeli yosapho, kwaye abazali batshintshana ngaphandle kokufihla abantu abathandanayo abavela kubantwana. Ukukhula, abantwana abanjalo abayazi ukuba kukho imeko eyahlukileyo, kwaye banomona rhoqo, kodwa bengasoloko bukhangeleke kakhulu, kunokuba bajongeka ngathi yi-Itch ye-Itch.
Susa iizandla!
Ibhunga eliyintloko: Ukuba uli-pathological, ingqolowa okanye uhlengahlengiso olubhekenti, lwazi iingxaki zam, kufanelekile ukuba uqhagamshelane nogqirha wezengqondo okanye i-psychotherapist. Kodwa ngaba kukho nayiphi na iskimu esincedayo, ukuba kunokuba lula ukuva ukuhlaselwa koloyiko olukhulu kunye nengqumbo? Kunjalo!
Njengakwicala, kwenziwe inyathelo lokuqala: Uyakuqonda ukufumaneka kwengxaki kwaye waqonda ukuba ufuna ukuyisusa. Njengomthetho, ubunyani bayo kukuba awukwazi ngexabiso lakho njengobuntu obahlukileyo kwaye unyanzelekile ukuba uzifumane kubudlelwane nomntu. Ngokwemvelo, ngale meko, uziva uxinzelelo oluqhubekayo: Kubonakala ngathi nayiphi na impembelelo evela ngaphandle yingozi yokwenene kulwalamano, kwaye akuyi kubakho- akuyi kubakho sigqibo kuwe.
Iphakamisa inyathelo lesibini lendalo: Kuya kufuneka uphinde ufumane imvakalelo yexabiso lakho, elingayi kuxhomekeka kubukho okanye ukungabikho kweqabane lakho, ukuthembeka okanye ukuthembeka okanye ukuthembeka okanye ukungabi nathemba. Kwaye ukuze ugxile kuwe, kufuneka ucime ngokupheleleyo ubutyebi obunamandla olichitha kulawulo, ukuphanda, ukukrokrela kunye namava. Yonke le nto isitokhwe ikhutshelwe ngaphezulu.
Nanini na xa ndizibamba ndicinga nge "nto", ndaqonda ukuba umbandela ongxamisekileyo ongafuni ukubamba. Ukucocwa, ukuhlamba, ukuhlela izinto-emva kwenyanga yolongwayo, andifundanga ukuthumela ingqalelo, kodwa nokubeka zonke iikhabhathi kunye namasherves eflethini.
Izenzo ezifanelekileyo ze-psychotheraperaperaperaperaperaperapeic zibalwa iidoli ezijijekileyo, ukuzoba, imodeli. Ukuba uhlaselo lwekhwele lufumene emsebenzini kwaye awunakubuyela kwinyani apho intloko ifuna ingxelo ngokungxamisekileyo, hamba, ilahle izandla, yenza i-squats, cwangcisa i-mini ebaleka i-ofisi.
Inyathelo lesithathu: Yenza isangqa sakho sakho kunye namatyala akho anomdla apho kungabikho nto yekhwele lwakho. Kubalulekile ukuba uqonde ukuba "kukho ubomi kwi-mars", okanye, ubomi ngaphandle komntu wakho onyuliweyo, kwaye mhle, unomdla! Oku kuqonda akuthethi ukuba kufuneka uhlukane ngokukhawuleza. Ngokuchasene noko: Amaqabane agcina izinto zabo zikhusela imida yabo kwaye abe nesithuba somntu esidumileyo, ubudlelwane buhambelana ngakumbi, bunzulu kwaye bube nekhwele kunye nekhwele elibi ngamaqabane.
Okokugqibela, ziyeke iimvakalelo zakho ezingalunganga! Ikhwele linexhala elingalona lixhala kakhulu, lithimba sonke isidalwa sethu - oko kuthetha ukuba kuyimfuneko ukuba bayilahle kungekuphela nje engqondweni, kodwa nakumzimba. Ngemizuzu enzima, uyadanisa, ukudanisa, ukutsiba, khwela uguquko, khwaza, ujikeleze umqamelo, uloyiko luhambe. Ngokomthetho wolondolozo lwamandla, iimvakalelo zokuphumla namandla kuya "kuza" kwindawo ehlangulweyo.
Njengokuba uBalzac wathi, ayithandabuzanga ngayo kwiqabane lakhe, kodwa kuye. Kubalulekile ukwazi uloyiko lwakho, amandla kunye nezixhobo zakho. Ulwazi olo ngokwalo luyinkqubo ebangela umdla kunomona odla ngaphakathi.