Konke kuqalisa ngokulinganayo - isiqinisekiso sothando olungapheliyo, umtshato, ukuzalwa kwabantwana, ulonwabo. Kwaye ngequbuliso kuye kwavela ukuba isiqingatha sakho sesibini sonwabile ngomnye umntu, sikhusela nje eluthandweni, sibele abantwana. Kwaye apha ngaphambi kokuba ukhohlisiwe kwaye ukhohlise umbuzo ophakamayo: Indlela yokuphila? Ngokwesiqhelo, abafazi baphakama phambi kokhetho olunje, ngenxa yokuba ngenxa yezizathu zekhaya (abantwana abancinci ezingalweni zabo, indlu, uqoqosho) bahlala bekhohliswa ngakumbi. Kodwa ukuba kude nendoda engalunganga ayilula: Ayikho indawo yayo.
UJulia, kwiminyaka engama-40:
-Ndihlala kwidolophu encinci yephondo. Utshatile iminyaka eli-15. Kwiminyaka emibini edlulileyo ndiye ndafunda ukuba umyeni wam wayenenkosikazi encinci. Yaqala nawo, njengoko yaqatshelwe, kwiminyaka emi-5 eyadlulayo. Saza saza sazalela intombi yesibini. Umntwana uyagula kakubi, kwaye mna onke amandla kunye nexesha lamnika kwaye ndimdala. Umyeni wafika ekhaya, njengotyelelo: iya kuza, ukutshintsha iimpahla kunye nokulala, okanye ubuye emsebenzini. Kwathi, kwanomnyango kuya kuma kunye namagqabi. Ulwalamano, ewe, lwaqala ukonakala: Ndilinde ingqalelo nengcaphepheni, kwaye uya kuza, alale. Mna, Native, nangona ke andizange ndiqonde ukuba aqeqesha ntoni. Ngcwele bakholwa kuyo, nasentloko babengakufanelekeli ukuba angangcatsha! Eyona nto ikhubekisayo kukuba yonke le minyaka iphantsi kwayo ngoku, ukusuka kwi-precily elula ngoku, kwaye ndaye ndaphathwa ndedwa ndihlala ndedwa kunye nabantwana, umyeni wam wayesoloko " Emsebenzini ... uthi ndisinde, ndifunda ngokuvukela, akunakwenzeka! Indoda, ndicinga ukuba andizukuxelela nantoni na, kodwa ndayibiza kwaye ndibalisa yonke into. Khange anyamezele, akubonakali, atshabalalise usapho lwethu. Le minyaka mibini idlulile kwizikhuselo eziqinileyo. Wayengakwazi ukukhetha lowo ukuhlala. Ndaze ndathi: "Luya kukunika ntoni uqhawulo mtshato? Hlala kwaye kunjalo, ngaba ububi, okanye yintoni? ".
Ngelixa kuphelelwa ngobulumko, inkosikazi yayikhulelwe ngokukhuselekileyo. Indoda yakhawuleza yaya ekhaya! "Ufuna uqhawulo-mtshato, ukuba ndimyekeleni." Ndindilumkisile: "Zama nje ukuhamba okanye ukuba nomnye! Abantwana bakukhethe, abaze babone! " Ndiyazi ukuba ezi zizoyikiso ezingenanto - ngenxa yesikhundla sayo, kufanelekile kuye. "QAPHELA, Ndithandile okokuqala ebomini bam, olu lonwabo lwawela kum (kwaye yintoni eyayikho phakathi kwethu ke?). "Ndiyathanda," hlalani naye, eze kuni, ukuba atyeshe abantwana, ninike imali. Uhamba ngoku njengoDade. " Kwanabazali bakhe bathi andizukutshata ukuze ndiphume, ndingaqiniseka ukuba abadingi. Ndiyaqonda ukuba kubalulekile ukuxhathisa, kodwa ndimoyika. Uqinisekile ngamandla akhe kwaye andikwazi ukuya ndawo. Kwaye ndineentombi ezimbini, iminyaka emi-5 kuphela. Ungaphila njani, andiyi kukhangela! Hayi indlela yokukholelwa ngayo emva koku kumadoda, wayeyona nto iphambili kum, ukuba kunjalo, ezinye zenze ntoni? ..
Iphawuliwe kwi-psychologist jelia pemchuzchuzkov: "ITestamente Endala izele ngamabali malunga ne-polygamy. Ukuqala ngoSara noGarar, abafazi babandezeleka, besabelana ngendoda enye. Oko kukuthi, ungathi, ingxaki indala njengehlabathi. Kodwa ayikhathazeki kancinci. Ngoba? Mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba kwakudala, inkcubeko kasolusapho yaphumelela kumzabalazo, kwaye abafazi bayamkela isikhundla esixhomekekileyo. Naxa kuxhomekeke kwizinto eziphathekayo, ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo, ukuxhomekeka kwengqondo kwindoda yakhe kuhlala kunjalo.
Kanye ngendima echazwe apha ngasentla, lo mfazi uyatshutshiswa yimibuzo 'Isizathu sokuba "," kuba indoda ayinako, "njl njl.,. Kwaye ukusuka kwindawo yokujonga intuthuzelo, ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo, kwiimeko ezininzi inyula ikhaya elidala, eliqhelekileyo kunye nosapho, ukuba kuphela ngumfazi okwindawo nje emnqubeni. I-SALDERS kunokwenzeka ukuba ibe kwimeko efanelekileyo, kuba kuxhomekeke kakhulu, banolindelo oluncinci, kwaye ke ukudimaza. Nangona ingekabikho njalo.
Amadoda amaninzi rhoqo ahlala apho akhululekile. Ngaphezu koko, intuthuzelo yenzelwe bona kunye nendawo eqhelekileyo yebrashi kwigumbi lokuhlambela, kwaye ndizolile endlwini, kunye nemvakalelo yomntu ozonke kunye nezonke. Omnye umfazi unzima ukudibanisa yonke into okanye uqikelela utshintsho lweemfuno. Abafazi bahlala benyula iindawo ezibalulekileyo ezi-2-3 kubudlelwane (umzekelo, "othenjisiweyo" okanye "umama olungileyo" okanye "umama olungileyo"), ngaphandle kwazo zonke, abantwana bafuna ukuba baphuhliswe. Ubomi obude bosapho buyintsebenziswano obukhulu.
Kodwa apha iqabane lakho lazifumana kuqala umsebenzi wexeshana ecaleni, emva koko ndazisa ukuphuma kwiprojekthi okanye ngokudibanisa. Zama ukwenza isigqibo sokuba ukulungele ukuqhubeka. Kwaye eminye imibuzo ilunge ngakumbi ukusombulula ngogqirha wezengqondo. "
"Unomyeni wam"
Kukho amanye amabali xa abantu bengazange bangenelele nje ngonxantathu obandayo, kodwa awufuni. Babonakala ngathi bayayibona indlela yokuphila enemisoyikisa.
UMaria, oneminyaka engama-30 ubudala:
-Umzam wam uneentsapho ezimbini. Iminyaka emininzi. Kwiminyaka embalwa yokuqala, umfazi wayengazi nantoni na. Xa yonke into ityhiliwe, babenee-creespy shrias. Waya kwelinye, emva koko wabuyela ekhaya. Kwaye malunga neminyaka emi-2-3. Ngeli xesha, kwakukho abantwana ababini kumfazi ngamnye. Ekugqibeleni, wahlala nomfazi wakhe. Kodwa inkosi yakhe yaphinda yalungisa indlu yommelwane. Kwaye uhlala esenzeka. Ibonelela ngeentsapho ezimbini. Ngapha koko, zonke zikunye kwiintsuku zokuzalwa kunye neeholide zosapho. Abantwana babahlobo babahlobo kunye, abafazi babo bathetha ngokwesiqhelo. Umama wakhe kuqala wayeyothuka. Waze wahlaselwa yintliziyo ecaleni koNyana. Kodwa ngoku - akukho nto. Kwakhona, kubonakala ngathi bathatha indlela yabo yokuphila. Ndikunye nabazukulwana, wonke umntu uyathanda. Ithi: "Ewe, yintoni ngoku ukuba yenziwa ukuba amadoda aqhelekileyo alahlekile kuye wonke umntu?
Amabali afanayo azaliswa kwaye abhinqiwe Iiforamu ze-Intanethi. Nanga omnye wabo: "Ukuba kukho umntu onesifo obahlukileyo, ndacinga ukuba kwakudala. Kutheni ndingahambi? Andinabuntu ukuba ndiyandithemba ukuba ndiyandivumela ndiqhagamshelane nam? Kutheni le nto ndivumela intsapho enjalo? Yonke le nto neminye imibuzo, ndikholelwe, ndizibekela ngaphezu kwakanye. Andikwazanga ukuhamba. Ndiyamthanda nokuhamba nosapho lwethu. Kwaye wayengafuni ukuhamba. Uye wathi uxabiseke kakhulu ngam, uhlonipha kwaye uyathanda ... njengomhlobo kunye nomntu omthandayo kumoya womntu. Kwaye uyamthanda njengomfazi, kwaye akanakumshiya. Sitshatile iminyaka eli-14. Ukusuka kwicala lesibini esigqibeleleyo. Unyana uyakhula. Kubutyebi bendlu ... Ngokunyaniseka, ndicinga ukuba uza kubatha kwaye athole. Kwaye kusenethemba kakhulu kangangokuba akazange akwazi ukumfowunela), andikwazi ukumbiza), isidenge esincinci, esifuna ukuxhamla izinto ezithile, asiyi kuqonda ukuba bonke Lo mdlalo ubulala ...
Soze sifunge, asizange sifumane ubudlelwane. Ngeli xesha, ndafunda ukuphila ngeengcinga anayo enye. Njani? Eli libali elahlukileyo ... kodwa ngoku ndiyaqonda ukuba uza kuba nomntwana kumyeni wam ... "ngokunyaniseka andikwazi ukuphila ngayo. Kwaye akukho mntu ucebisa nantoni na, kuyafuneka ukuba senze izigqibo ngokwawo. Linda de umyeni enziwe okanye uyeke ekugqibeleni? Okanye ngaba amanye amanyathelo kuqala? Xa umntwana wakhe eze kuvela kumfazi wakhe amthandayo, nokuba kunzima kangakanani na ukuthetha, kuya kuba khona, nomphefumlo, nomzimba. Uya kuqala ubomi obutsha, kwaye yonke ingongoma iya kuba kwintsapho entsha.
Iphawuliwe kwi-psychologist jelia pemchuzchuzkov: "Xa umfazi ezama ukuyifumana le meko, uhlala ebonakala ngathi yintlanzi (i-albeit igolide), elwela i-hook okanye ididekile kwinethiwekhi. Abanye balawula ukutsiba ngaphandle kwaye 'bakhan' amanxeba ", kodwa rhoqo imeko ikhathazwa lixesha elide, kwayekala. Kungenxa yokuba sijonga umntu njengasembindini wemeko. Njengomthengi omnye undixelele: "Wonke umntu uyakunika, ukwazi ukuba wayenayo entlokweni yakhe." Ndiyoyika ukuba uya kumangaliswa kakhulu kwaye, mhlawumbi adanile. Umfazi ubeka nayiphi na imeko yosapho, kwaye ngakumbi amandla engqondo. Ukujonga zombini izizathu kunye nokukhetho, kunye neenkcazo ... kunye nayo yonke into yakhe. Xa ndibona ukuvela kweemvakalelo, ukucinga, ukukhangela, ndizama ukucinga ukuba kuya kuba njalo xa lo mfazi wayechithe imikhosi emininzi emphefumlweni, ukukhula kwakhe. Ubuncinci obuzibuza: Kungenxa yokuba ndifumana isifundo esinjalo kubomi obu "wanika yonke into", "yayingumntu wonke" kwaye inyanzelekile ukuba ifunde enye into. "
"Ndiyayazi into endiyenzileyo"
Akukufumanisa, nangona kunjalo, cinga ukuba amabhinqa kwezi meko uziphatha ngcono kunamadoda. Ngapha koko, baba ngumfazi wesibini ngaphandle komphumo.
I-Irina, eneminyaka engama-29 ubudala:
-Ndiyinkosikazi iminyaka emithathu. Kunyaka ophelileyo, wazala intombi yakhe. Uyamthanda umkakhe nabantwana bakhe ukuba bahlazeke kwaye bangaze baphume entsatsheni. Nangona kunjalo, unxibelelwano lwethu aluzimiselanga ukwaphula. Umntwana ndazala ngokwam, njengoko walumkisa ngoko nangoko. Ayihambelani nentombi yakhe. Ukusuka esibhedlele akufika-kuthumela umqhubi, i-bouquet kunye ne-1000 ye-euro. Andikhubekisi-ndiyazi ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni. Ngobuninzi, yonke into ifanele-iyanceda, ibonelele, ikhokelela kwiindawo zokutyela. Kwaye akukho mfuneko yokuba ndisuse iisokisi zayo kunye nebhulukhwe yokubetha. Lo ngumfazi osemthethweni. Kodwa unamalungelo amaninzi, kwaye usenokungakhathazeki ukuba uya kumshiya nantoni na. Ukusuka kum, ukuba uyahamba, andinanto yandithintela. Yindlela endiphila ngayo kumngcipheko wakho.
Kuyinyani, kufanelekile ukuba ifumane ibhinqa elihlala kwiintsapho ezimbini phantse alinakwenzeka. Nangona abanye babo banabathandi. Inenekazi elinye elisisityebi lilungisa isenzo sakhe ngolu hlobo: "Akukho ziimvakalelo zomyeni wakhe. Kodwa sineshishini eliqhelekileyo kunye nabantwana ababini. Sobabini siyaqonda ukuba kuya kuba nzima kuthi ukuba yinxalenye, nokuba necala elisemthethweni. Ngaba uyacinga ukuba umntu unantoni? Ndicinga ukuba ewe. Ndiqinisekile, kwaye andiyedwa. "
Kwangelo xesha, ingcinga yendoda ye-DWAjev ifanelwe ingqalelo ekhethekileyo: "Ndithanda ezimbini. Ndiyakwazi ukuyifumana kwaye ngokweemvakalelo, nangokwasemzimbeni nangokwasemthethweni. Kwaye kutheni wonke umntu ukubandezeleka-andiqondi? Andiphosi umfazi wam - unabantwana ababini abayifunayo? Iminyaka emininzi yayihleli. Kwinkosikazi, ngokubanzi, umphefumlo awuyoti. Nakunyana wethu ngokubanzi kwaye ikwahambelana nakubantwana basemthethweni. Ndiphupha ukwakha indlu enkulu ukuze sihlale kunye. "
Iphawuliwe kwi-psychologist jelia pemchuzchuzkov: "Bantu bam abathandekayo. Lixesha lokuba ekugqibeleni siqonde ngombono wothando. Musa ukudinisa ngenkanuko kunye nenkanuko, ukuba ungadideka ngononophelo kunye nobukhoboka. Uthando-lubandakanya ukwamkelwa, uphuhliso, ulwazelelelo kunye novuyo. Kubaluleke kakhulu kwaye kuyimfuneko wonke umntu kunye neplanethi xa iyonke. Ubomi bosapho buyinto yentlalo ntle xa abantu bethandana, bahlala befuna ukuba lixesha elikufuphi, kwaye badala usapho. Apha kunye nesigameko. Ubomi obudibeneyo kunye nosapho zizinto ezahlukeneyo. Usapho luhlobo, amaxabiso aqhelekileyo, inkxaso, uphuhliso kuluntu. Ngaba le ndoda ihlala ikulungele ukuyiphindaphili? Qhubeka.
Kuthekani ngabantu? Iqinisekisile ukuba izityholo eziqhelekileyo kunye nabazali be-nerve zisiba mbi kakhulu kumntwana kunokuqhawula umtshato ovumela ukuba useke ubudlelwane obucacileyo emva komzuzwana. Umntwana akabalulekanga ukuba ulele kwigumbi lokulala elinye noomama, kwaye ukuze bobabini bonwabile kwaye beyithanda. Utata ubalulekile (kodwa ngokuhlala rhoqo) uqhakamshelwano kunye nokuthathelwa ingqalelo ukuba uhlala enenkani, ukuba "ngeCawa", hayi "rhoqo."