Ngeendlela ezininzi, kukho ingxaki emathandabuzo kwiimvakalelo zabanye. Umzekelo, wagqiba kwelokuba uchithe ngokuhlwa kunye neentombi, eshiya indoda ekhaya. Awukawuqaphela na ukuba udlula njani kwincoko kwaye ulahlekelwe ixesha elingakanani de bafumane umyalezo ombi kwiqabane lakho kunye nombuzo. Kwaye, ukubuyela ekhaya emva kwezinzulwini zobusuku, wamfumana engalali kwaye enexhala lokujonga kwicala lakho.
Uphando olunomdla
Ngamaxesha athile adlulileyo, izazinzulu ezikwindawo yobudlelwane ziye zafikelela ekubeni abantu abadala ekunzima ukuzibona bekhuselekile, xa abagcini babo (bahlala behlala benganelisi iimfuno zabo zemvakalelo. Ngokutsho komxholo wendlela yokuncamathisela, abantu abadala bayaqhubeka nobudlelwane nabanye abantu abadala ababizwa ngokuba "ziimodeli zangaphakathi", eziziphumo zendlela abakhathalelwe ngayo. Abantu abadala abanoncamathelayo athembekileyo baya kukwazi ukumelana nokuboniswa ngokubanzi kweemeko kunabadala ngaphandle kokuncamathisela ngokungathembakiyo, iialamu zayo zibangelwa kukungakhathaleli amaqabane abo. Isifundo esitsha esiqhutywa nguJacomo Chekka kunye noogxa bakhe kwiDyunivesithi yaseRoma saseSapienzo (2020) sibonisa ukuba kungekuphela kwesitayile esingakhuselekanga sikhokelela ngenxa yokuba siye soyika ukusilela, kodwa nokusetyenziswa kwe Iindlela ezibizwa ngokuba ziindlela zokhuselo.
Ngokusekwe kwi-psychodynamic ithiyori, ababhali baphawula ukuba iimbono zanamhlanje malunga neendlela zokukhusela zibajonga njengendlela yokujongana nengqondo, ekhulisa umntu ukuba bakhathazeke ngokwengqondo kwaye batshintsha bazibona. Ukusukela kule mibono, indlela engakhuselekanga yothando inokuba yinxalenye yesizathu sokuba inqweneleka rhoqo iqabane lakho ukuze liqiniseke.
Umahluko kunye neengcambu zenvoisayo ziya kubuntwana
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Iindlela zokukhusela iziqhoboshi
Iindidi zeendlela ezikhuselayo ezikule ndlela ziyahluka ", ezibandakanya" ukugqwetha okwenyani "," "" ukuya "zikuqonde" iimvakalelo ezinobungozi. Ngokutsho kwababhali base-Itali, amahlakani asabela kakhulu kwinto abayilahliweyo, bakhulisa imeko xa bekhathazwa luloyiko lokuba abanakuyamkela into eyenzeka kubo. Ke, indibaniselwano yesitayile esingathembekanga yokuncamathisela kunye neendlela zokukhusela ukungazikhuseli zinokukhokelela kwinto yokuba iqabane lakho liqeshwa kwaye licaphukile xa kuvakala ukuba uswele "inkxaso".
Njengoko isifundo sidlulile
Ukukhangela le ndlela, i-Chokka kunye noogxa bakhe bavavanya imodeli yeenkcukacha-manani kwi-1129 abafundi abazimiseleyo e-Itali naseAlbania besebenzisa iindlela zokuncamathela, iindlela zokukhusela kwaye, ngenxa yoko, uxinzelelo lwengqondo. Ubudala babathathi-nxaxheba basusela nge-18 ukuya kwi-49, kodwa ngokomndilili, iminyaka engama-22, kwaye uninzi (65%) babengabafazi. Umlinganiso wesitayile esinamathisela unike uvavanyo lwendlela abathathi-nxaxheba beboshwe ngokuthembekileyo, boyika (boyika), besoyike (boyika ukushiywa) okanye babefuna ukuba baqhotyoshelwe. Njengoko ababhali baxelelweyo, abantu abafumene amanqaku aphezulu okanye abaxhalabisa, okanye ngenxa yendlela eyoyikisayo yokuncamathisela, ngokuqinisekileyo kunokwenzeka ukuba axele inqanaba eliphezulu loxinzelelo.
Abantu abanesitayile esingakhuselekanga sokuncamathela asiqinisekanga kubudlelwane, kodwa kunye nemvakalelo yabo yesazisi. Bazama ukuzigcina beqonda le mvakalelo yobuthathaka, babuyela kwenye yeendlela ezininzi zokukhusela, kodwa zayolisa imeko. Endaweni yokuqonda kwaye uthathe iingxaki zakho, zizama ukuzifihla.
Ungazisebenzisa njani iziphumo zophando ukunceda iqabane lakho ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho?
1. Qaphela umthombo wokungazithembi kwiqabane lakho. Akukho mntu ufuna ukuba nesitayile sokunamathela ngokungafihlisiyo. Ukuba iqabane lakho libonakala lifuna ingqalelo enkulu, oku alihambelani nokhetho lwakhe.
2. Xhasa imvakalelo yobunye besazisi seqabane lakho. Kwaye wena, kwaye iqabane lakho linokuphumelela ekuboneni kwamacala aqinileyo anethemba.
3. Yiba nomonde nenkxaso. Kwakhona, iqabane lakho alifuni ukuba njalo. Kulula ukuba nomsindo kwaye kukhuselwe, ke zama ukugcina ukuzola.
4. Nceda iqabane livelise indlela eya kwiindlela zokukhusela ngakumbi. Khumbula ukuba ukuhlekisa yenye yezona ndlela zokukhusela kakhulu. Nangona kusenokubonakala ngathi kuyisela umlilo kuphela umlilo, mhlawumbi ngexesha lokuzola ngakumbi unokuvumelana neqabane lakho malunga neendlela zokuphelisa imeko ngoncumo okanye ihlaya.
Iqabane lakho linokoyisa ukungazinzi ngendlela.
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5. Sebenzisa iimeko ezinento eyandayo kwixesha elidlulileyo, njengendlela yokulungiselela ikamva. Kwakhona nje ukuba imeko iyazola, ibuye (ngaphandle kwemali) kwiinkumbulo, njengoko yonke into iphuhliswe kwimeko efanayo yokufumanisa ukuba ungayiyeka njani ukukhutshwa kweengxaki ezifanayo ezivela kulawulo olufanayo ukusuka kulawulo olufanayo ukusuka kulawulo olufanayo ukusuka kulawulo olufanayo ukusuka phantsi kolawulo.
6. Fumana iindlela zokuhlangabezana namava akho. Kuyinto enkulu ukubajonga ngelishwa komntu omthandayo. Usafuna ukubona abahlobo bodwa kunye neqabane elinemvakalelo. Ukuba usete imithetho esisiseko yolwalamano kwangaphambili, oyithandayo uya kuba nakho ukwamkela izigigaba ezinjalo xa ufuna ukuba ngaphandle kwayo, ngokuthomala kakhulu.
Ukushwankathela phezulu, kunokutshiwo ukuba ukufumaneka kweqabane eliza ngokulula kumsindo kwaye licaphuke, linokungqina ubomi bemihla ngemihla kuwe. Ukuqonda izithethi ezixhasa ukungaqiniseki kweqabane lakho kunokukunceda ukuba zombini zibuyele kwisaqhwithi kwizolole.