IZiko 'loodade "lasekwa ngonyaka we-1994 liqela labasetyhini ababeqonda ukuba abantu abasindileyo bafuna inkxaso ethile yobungcali kunye nengqondo. Intloko yeziko laseMokhova Maria inoxanduva lwemibuzo.
-Maria, ngowuphi owona msebenzi uphambili weziko lakho, yintoni eyenzayo, ungayikha?
- Owona msebenzi ophambili weziko luncedo kubantu abasindileyo kubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo. Sifuna ukuba amaxhoba ahlaziye afumane ukholo kumandla abo, isidima, aqalisa ukulawula ubomi babo kwakhona. Ingcali yeziko ibonelela ngoncedo olukhululekileyo nolwaziwa ngabantu, nokuba banobunini babo, ubudala, isikhundla sentlalo, inkolo. Sinamaqela enkxaso, ugqirha wezengqondo, igqwetha, uncedo lwentlalo, iinkqubo zemfundo.
-Ndixelele ukuba kutheni umfazi ephila nomdlwenguli kunye nelenza i-Consy yakho ekhaya, ephethwe yiminyaka emininzi wobundlobongela? Mhlawumbi oku kungenxa ye-PSYCH okanye inkanuko yomfazi ongenamanyane ithobela indoda?
-Ubona, akunakwenzeka ukuba uyiphendule ngokucacileyo kulo mbuzo, kodwa ndiza kuzama ukunika imizekelo. Umzekelo, kukho iintsapho ezithi, emva koqhawulo-mtshato, zisaqhubeka nokuhlala ndawonye kwigumbi elinye, kuba akukho mathuba usasaze, kodwa akukho mntu ubetha nabani na. Ke abantu badlwengulwe ngabantu abakrelekrele nabasempuma, abanokuthetha ngogonyamelo kunye nogonyamelo. Kodwa kukho iimeko xa eza ebusuku i-gornun Indoda iqalisa ukubetha umfazi, kwaye abantwana abancinci balala kwigumbi elilandelayo. Umbuzo uphakama: "Phila phi?" Uchithe emapoliseni ukuba abhale umyeni wakhe umyeni wakhe, bathi bona: "Eka kunye neDavisanc. Indoda ibetha umfazi wayo. Kulapho ukubulala-yiza. " Kwaye uthatha ingxelo, amagqabi, uginya iinyembezi, kuba inyanzelwa ukuba iphile ngandlel 'ithile, yiza nabantwana. Ngenxa yokuba umama uthi: "Ewe, wenze ntoni intombi, kufuneka unyamezele. Unosapho, uthathe imali mboleko, kwaye ufumana enye ngesiqhelo, kwaye ukuba uhlala wedwa nabantwana, awuyi kusinda. " Ke ngoko, umbuzo, ukuba yonke into ilandelelana nentloko kwabafazi abanyamezelayo ubundlobongela, ayifanelekanga apha.
-Ukuba njani kule meko. Nguwuphi umfazi ekufuneka ayenzile?
- Uninzi lwabantu basetyhini, abasindayo okokuqala isenzo sobundlongo, bafuna isizathu sokuba abe netyala. Kwaye olu hlalutyo lubandakanyekile: nabazali bakhe, nabazali bomyeni wakhe. Wonke umntu ubandakanyekile kwinkqubo yoko afanele enze ukuba indoda yakhe ingabi sabetha. Kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha acinga ukuba akazukuyifumana namhlanje, kuba wayisusa indlu, isidlo sangokuhlwa, silala ngexesha. Kodwa kwenzekayo njengakwesinyembethi: "Umfazi, khanyisa ukukhanya, umfazi ucima ukukhanya. Ngaba ukhonza imiqondiso ethile? " Inqaku ayisiyiyo uhlobo lwe-psyche, kodwa ukuba umdlwenguli uhlala efumana amandla nolawulo kusapho. Ngelixa singaqondi ukuba ukutshintsha ixhoba, asitshintshi umdlwenguli, akukho nto yokutshintsha. Umfazi ufanele aqonde ukuba akukhathaleki ukuba uziphathe kangakanani, umyeni uya kufuna ukuzithoba kwakhe nangayiphi na indlela. Ukuba akafiki ngexesha kwiingcali, akukho mntu unokumnceda.
- Iza kwenza ntoni iziko lakho kubafazi bakho?
- Ihlabathi liphela lixoxa ngombuzo wokuba kutheni ixhoba lifanele lilibele ikhaya. Kuya kufuneka uthathe umdlwenguli kwaye usebenze ngayo. Kwaye ke, ngokwemiphumo yomsebenzi, thatha isigqibo sokuba uza kubuyisela nini na kusapho okanye hayi. Kwaye sihlala sibaleka amaxhoba nabantwana, kuba abadlwenguli bangabaqeshisi, kwaye umfazi uhlala kunye nomntwana omncinci kwaye akanamali yokuqeshisa ngerente yendawo yokuhlala.
Kodwa akukho mfuneko yokuba silibale ukuba sinabafazi abangama-16 amawaka ahlala kwintolongo yeerhubhu yokubulala abayeni babo kunye nabaphangi. Iintatheli zaseMelika ezityelele ezi thandazweni, ziva amabali engcwaba lomntu engcwabeni labasetyhini. Inani elikhulu labasetyhini elifihlayo ukubethwa kwabo koogqirha kwaye bahlazeke, khetha isiqhwala, kuba sineentloni, kuba kuyayihlambululanga ngenxa yoluntu phambi kwabamelwane, osebenza nabo. Kwaye ke, xa amandla anyamezele ukutyholwa, abafazi banele ukuba iingubo, iintsimbi, iintsimbi zentsimbi kwaye babulala bathembekile.
Kwaye kwakuyimfuneko ukuba uhambe ngexesha lamaZiko eCriss, bhala iingxelo emapoliseni, nxibelelana nemibutho yoluntu, udibane neengcali zengqondo, kuba ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo yinkqubo yokuziphatha ekhula ixesha elide. Kwaye kubalulekile ukuba umfazi aqonde ukuba yeyiphi na inkqubo ayihlala kuyo. Ukuba uyabethwa, ulawulo ngokupheleleyo, udlwengulo, ukuhlazisa, kubalulekile ukuba unyuke i-stereotype kwaye uqonde ukuba le ayikokususwa kwendlu yendlu, kodwa imeko apho kufuneka ucele ngokukhawuleza uncedo! Kwaye eli meko le meko iya kukhulisa, eyomeleleyo isenzo esilandelayo sogonyamelo.
-Usebenza nabantwana kwiintsapho ezinjalo?
Bonke abantwana abasindileyo kwaye babona ubundlobongela basekhaya, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, bafuna uncedo. Ezi zinto zibandakanyekile kwiingcali zengqondo ezifanelekayo. Xa beneminyaka eli-10 ukuya kweli-12, baqaqambe kakhulu nonina, ababebethwa, bayazisola, baxolela, bathetha ngothando lwabo. Kwiminyaka eli-14 ukuya kweli-15, amakhwenkwe sele ezama ukujongana notata, kwaye kwiminyaka eli-18 bamkela uPopu Stereotype kunye nesimo sengqondo esinye, apho indoda ithe itsibela umfazi. Kananjalo, abantwana abaninzi banomnqweno wokukhula kunokuba kwaye baphindeze kooyise ngoMama, ngenxa yokuthotywa kwabo. Ukuziphatha kwabo kufuneka kulungiswe kwaye, ukuthetha ngokukhuselwa kwabantwana, kuya kufuneka uqale ngokubambelela kolu lwalathiso. Rhoqo, ngaphandle kokufumana uncedo, ixhoba linokugqwetha umntu, oluya kulikhokelela kwindlela yezenzo zolwaphulo-mthetho. Umntu omncinci akakwazi ukujamelana noxinzelelo, owisele kuye.
- Amantombazana aselula ahlala engaqondi ukuba ngubani na, othanda uthando ngenkanuko, musa ukwahlula ikhwele kwi-thedranny yexesha elizayo kwaye uvale amehlo kwiintsilelo ezininzi. Nika ingcebiso, kanjani ukuba ungabopheli njani uBomi bakho ngeTyran?
- Ukuba amantombazana amancinci kukho uvavanyo olukhethekileyo: bachaza ukuba ngubani umntu wakho. Ngaba uza kuqhubeka ekufuneni? Nokuba ufuna ukuqhubeka nokuphila nomntu osetyenziselwa ukusombulula iingxaki ngamanqindi. Ukuba ikhwele le-hereidical laqalisa, ukucaphuka okungathethekiyo ngamaxesha ahlukeneyo ngaphambi kokuba utshatile, waphakamisa isandla sakhe, ngokungathandabuzekiyo nomntu onjalo akunakwenzeka ukuba uqhagamshele. Kutshiwo ukuba emva kokuxabana isini esihle. Kodwa xa amazinyo akho enkqonkqozwayo, iimbambo zaphukile, zonakalise iinwele, ndikholelwe, awuyi kuba semthethweni. Emva koko uya kuqalisa ukukubetha phambi kwabantwana, ebahlasela ubomi babo. Nje ukuba umdlwenguli ngonaphakade.