Kunzima ukutsho ukuba zingaphi iikati ze-vati ezaphule iphupha lendoda elungileyo, ukuba zingaphi izinto ezilungele, kodwa zifanelekile ukuba zibaliwe ngenxa yokholo olulungileyo. Kwaye ngayo yonke le nto, kuncinci apho imazi yokukwala ukuba inzima njengoko ivela kwimbono yokudibana namaphupha endoda. Kodwa kuya kufuneka ukwala, kwaye ngokukhawuleza uyakwenza, kokukhona kuya kufuneka ube nolwalamano oluhle "kubomi bokwenyani."
Engaqhelekanga, akunjalo? Kuya kubonakala ngathi, okona kuchasene, kufanelekile ukuba kuze kubekho umntu ofezekileyo-kwaye ulonwabo luya kuza, ukuvumelana nokungqinelana kuya kuhlala ekhayeni lakho, kwaye ngaphandle komzamo wakho. Kodwa ayenzeki. Esi sisizathu esinye esonakeleyo-akukho namnye kuthi ofanelekileyo.
Luvela phi ukholo oluzinzileyo?
Ayisiyo nje uncwadi lwe-classical kunye namaqhawekazi awo afakelweyo okanye iifilimu zeHollywood ezinamagorha awotwayo okanye iifilimu zeHollywood yayikukuba netyala, kodwa ungavumelani ("ungavumelani naphantsi kwe-cotramomise) . Indoda efezekileyo yinkohliso, kwaye nayiphi na inkohliso iyingozi ukuba ufuna ukufezekisa into esehlabathini lokwenyani. Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kukuba isidingo sokwala umbono wokukhangela okona kufuna nje, kodwa ukwamkela. Kuba sihlala sisiya, siyaqonda, kodwa asinakwamkela emphefumlweni kwaye siqhubeke nokwenza into elungileyo.
Ngaba oku kuthetha ukuba kufuneka uvumelane naluphi na ulwalamano lwayo nayiphi na indoda? Akunjalongo noko.
Alena al-ac
Unokukhetha kwaye uyimfuneko, kodwa ukhokelwe ngale ndlela yesandi.
Okokuqala, ukuqonda ukuba ufuna ukuba ufuna ukuba ngubani na ukuba ngubani. Zeziphi iimpawu kwindoda ebaluleke kakhulu, inomdla kakhulu. Ngaba ufuna iShishini eliKhuselekileyo? Zilungiselele into aza kuyinyamalala emsebenzini. Ngaba ujonge i-tect entle kwaye ivuya? Mhlawumbi awuyi kuba yeyona nto uyithandayo. Ngaba ufuna uBawo olungileyo nonenkathalo wabantwana? Zilungiselele iholide yakho, uya kuchitha eMallorca, kodwa e-Anapa. Ewe, umzekelo uyagqithisela, kodwa obonakalayo.
Okwesibini, simahla kwii-stereotypes kunye nocalucalulo. Yintoni onokuyithetha naye ukuba akazi ukuba ngubani uHenry Miller? Unemoto enexabiso eliphantsi - Baza kuthini abahlobo bam? I-psyche yomntu icwangciswe kangangokuba yonke into ilungile njengoko kuvunywa, kwaye zonke iimpazamo zihlala zibetha. Cinga ukuba ezi zinto zingalunganga zibaluleke kakhulu ngokuchasene nemvelaphi yezibonelelo.
Okwesithathu, musa ukulinda ulwalamano kwangoko. Kwangoko, ukuqalwa okanye, ngokuchasene noko, ukungathandi, ukwaliwa kunokwenzeka. Kwaye ezo kunye nezinye iimvakalelo zinokuba nempazamo. Musa ukwenza izigqibo ezingxamisekileyo. Ewe, amadoda afanelekileyo, njengolwalamano olufanelekileyo, ayenzeki, kodwa iindaba ezilungileyo kukuba ukudala ubudlelwane obuhle kunye nendoda yokwenyani inokwenzeka kwaye phantse onke amakhosi.