Ikibazo cyo niba tugomba kwinjira mubusambanyi nta mibanire ninshingano zihoraho, burigihe uhangayikishijwe nibitsina byombi. Ariko, abagore n'abagabo werekaga ibi biratandukanye. Kubwibyo, akenshi ni aya mahitamo avugana nibintu byifuza kubahagarariye igorofa ryiza ntabwo bikora. Reka tugerageze kumenya ikibazo kimeze?
Ubwa mbere, ndashaka kwibuka urukurikirane ruzwi "imibonano mpuzabitsina mumujyi munini". Intwari enye ninzira enye zitandukanye mubuzima no gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Imwe mu ntwari zaka ni Samantha, utuye ku ihame rya "Nta muntu nshaka, ndasinziriye, uwo nshaka." Mu rukurikirane rwose rwa TV, ubuzima bwe bwerekanwe mu mucyo mwiza cyane. Atura ku giceri cyuzuye, yubaka umwuga, yinjiza neza kandi arashobora gukurura mu buriri bwumubiri ubwo aribwo bwose mumujyi. Ntabwo bisa nkaho atari ubuzima, ahubwo ni inzozi. Ariko birashoboka mubyukuri?
Umuganga wa psychologiste Alena al-Ase yemera ko imibonano mpuzabitsina atakoze mubuzima bwumugore igomba kuba ihari gusa mubihe runaka
No muri iki gihe, nubwo umudendezo wo mu gitsina cyose, utuje, societe ntabwo yiteguye kwemerera amahirwe amwe kubagabo nabagore. Yatwemereye gucunga indege, ibigo mpuzamahanga n'imiryango hafi ya byose, ariko bikomeje gushyiraho gahunda runaka yimibanire. Kubwibyo, umugore muri ubu bwoko bwumubano ahura ningorane zimwe. Kurugero, iyo imibonano mpuzabitsina adafite ibyo yiyemeje itanga umugabo, ifatwa nkibisanzwe ndetse bamwe bakabakira, barabyuka, nibyiza ko, nibyiza ko umugabo aburira kubyerekeye uko ibintu bimeze adahari. Ariko iyo umugore ashimangiye imibonano mpuzabitsina nta nshingano, ibibazo bihita bivuka: "Birashoboka?", "Ntabwo aribyiswa?" Hamwe nubwicanyi bumaze igihe kinini bwerekanwe ko kwifata kw'umugore bitari byiza, kandi mu kigero cya nyuma cyumuvuduko gusa kugereranya ubujurire.
Icyakora ni uko ibitekerezo nk'ibi ari "imyitwarire", "imyitwarire", "ubudayarwa", turacyafitanye isano n'umugore. Muri sosiyete hari gahunda gakondo, aho ku mugore, kimwe na "umushinzwe umutima", ashinzwe "kwezwa" muburyo bwose. Bikurikira muri iyi gahunda ko bigomba kuba inyangamugayo no kwiyoroshya, gukomeza umuryango, kubabarira umugabo wawe no kumwitaho. Muburyo bwinshi biva kuri biologiya. Igikorwa cyumugabo niterambere ryintara zishya no gukwirakwiza ibikoresho byabo bya geneti, umurimo wumugore - kurema ihumure no gutuza kubakomokaho. Ibi byose byashyizweho na kamere. Abagore benshi ntibatekereza imibonano mpuzabitsina nta rukundo n'imibanire. Kenshi cyane, ku ngo igitsina "udakoze ku giti cyabo, twemera gusa mu byiringiro byo gukura umuntu mubucuti nubukwe. Niba kandi witanze uzi ko ari imibonano mpuzabitsina, haracyariho, nyuma yigihe gito, bihujwe kandi bakundana. Iyi ni ishingiro ryumugore. Byabaye rero ko akenshi twanga kwiyumva ubwacu nibyo dukeneye.
Ndasaba gufata ibyemezo, shingiye ku byiyumvo byawe n'ibyifuzo byawe, kandi ntabwo ubitekerezaho. Ubuzima ni ibyawe. Ntabwo ukora neza rwose, reka rero uhitemo wenyine. Ku giti cyanjye, nizera ko imibonano mpuzabitsina nubusabane bukenewe bitandukanye rwose, nubwo, byanze bikunze, bigomba guhurira hamwe. Ariko igitsina kidafite umubano kirashoboka muburyo bumwe nkubucuti butagira imibonano mpuzabitsina (gake, ariko nabwo buraboneka).
Imibonano mpuzabitsina idafite umubano mubuzima bwumugore arashobora kuba ahari, ariko mubihe bimwe gusa. Turashobora gutongana cyane hashoboka ku ngingo yo guteza imbere umuco, ariko imitekerereze yacu, nkitegeko, burigihe ituyobora kumuhanda wifuza. Ikintu nyamukuru nukwumva wenyine. Gusa ushaka gushimangira: Ntugomba kureka ibi gusa kubera gutinya ibyo umuntu azaguciraho iteka. Kwihitiramo wowe ubwawe, nibyiza kuri wewe. Ndiho ndishimye.