Parents of adult children are often addressed to me: how to take themselves if their children grew up, live separately, they are fine. They want to help them - and the heirs refuse to help and cease to communicate at all.
Mom offended, Dad is upset, the parents want to participate in the life of children as before - and they are not allowed. Do not like? Not needed? What to do?
And really - what to do? We are so tightly tied to the children's chart of life with a kindergarten, school, vacation, circles, cottages, that when children grow up, from our life as if we take a whole big piece, and take out with the soul.
It seems to be happy to be rejoiced: independent steel, grown, can be done with themselves - it is not necessary to go where it is necessary, and where I want to read what I want to beat in general. And I don't want to go anywhere, and it is not read, and it does not work to idle. Life, such a familiar, familiar, established, scattered into pieces, and it seems that it is impossible to glue them.
And it is not clear how the relationship with her husband will now be built ... then it was clear - mom \ dad, and now how? Well, it is clear: the house, relatives, property, he is \ she his own, relatives ... And then what? Lived as if for the sake of children, and now for whom? And everyone begins to look for their interest - and often not in the family.
Elena Prokofiev
And most importantly: it is not clear how to consider ourselves good? Previously, it was possible to repel from the child - his health, ratings, care for him. There were at least some criteria: "Good mother", "good dad". Only now this evaluation system stops working - the "point of reference" is missing.
What happens to you is called the "empty nest syndrome". First of all, of course, it affects women - after all, motherhood is considered the main female role, regardless of whether Mom works or is engaged only by the house. But the dads can also be difficult during this period - especially if they were tightly included in the life of the family and actively participated in the upbringing.
This difficult period in the life of the family can pass normally - subject to Some simple recommendations.
So, the first. Look for your way, remember your dreams, desires, intentions, intentions - and begin to embody them in life! Write yourself a list of your desires. Now you have time to talk with friends, remember what you loved to do, but there was not enough time. Or maybe you will decide to refresh education? And start new professional activities?
Second . If you (as you think) only children were united, now it's time to meet again! Give yourself a time to learn each other - and this time can be very exciting for both of you. And your relationship or will receive a "second breathing", or you, as a couple, we will split, as they have become strangers to each other. Well, and it happens, but you get a chance to do it peacefully and with a sense of mutual respect and gratitude for the time living together.
Your children grew up, they themselves can become parents - and this is normal
Photo: pexels.com.
Third And probably the most difficult thing - learn to listen. Just listening to your partner or your adult child telling you - and do the situation accordingly. Like this? Do not strive to comfort, help or advise if a partner or children are simply sharing. Snecess, ask whether it is necessary to help - and if it is not necessary (that is, help is not asked), then do not help.
Fourth . If you are too emotionally reacting to the events of life and manipulate in an attempt to get attention to more, it turns out exactly the opposite. Think if you need to get attention to such a risky way?
Fifth . Neither the child nor the partner can (and should not) be responsible for your emotional discomfort. With this - to a specialist. Just passes another important stage in life: you are separated from the child, and he is from you.
Feel sadness and sadness when parting is completely normal. To completely come to yourself, you may need one and a half or two years. Let yourself swim, take these changes - and come back to normal life.