Today I would again like to touch the topic of money, it is very relevant and completely inexhaustible. In the previous column I wrote about different ways of the distribution of the family budget - who earns, and who decides what to spend, and how it affects family functioning. Today I will give some tips on how to avoid quarrels about money.
So, first of all, there must be uniform rules for which money is distributed. They should be stated with the whole family so that they are understandable to everyone. For example, if parents give a child money, he should be clear whether the money is his pocket, which he gets once a month, or this is a reward for obedience and good grades.
Next, you need to choose one day for a period of time to discuss financial affairs. Suppose one day per year, every six months or two months. It is on this day (but no longer any other) can be expressed and make complaints. All family members - and earning, and not earning, and parents, and children should equally imagine the financial situation of the family and plans for the future.
It is very important that all family members clearly agree on who makes decisions about the distribution of money and adhered to this agreement.
Well, finally, how nevertheless overcome contradictions? The fact is that the majority of family problems are inherited from parents. Therefore, the reason for his disputes makes sense to seek not in itself and not in his partner, but in parents. Nothing shares the spouses as the presence of a common enemy. Your parents can make your marriage happier, becoming a target for accusations. For example, if you are attached, you do not want to share your earnings with your wife or refuse to make gifts, it happens because you have so raised: your father did not give you anything or the mother was prone to the mercy ... All this is the wonderful excuses of your insufficient generosity.
Often in families, one of the spouses turns out to be a soul, and the other is a trans. Than one thing becomes one, the more spent another. This happens either in protest, or to compensate for each other's extremes. So that it does not come out before the divorce, one of the spouses need to change behavior on the opposite time. For example, her husband overly wasteful wife follows every time it buys an expensive thing to buy some absolutely unnecessary thing twice as expensive. After a few weeks, the result will be obvious. :)
In this article, I relied on the materials of the American psychotherapist Cl Madanes.