Not because it is mistaken about it to dream and desire. And because with ideals, as in a joke: "The perfect man does not drink, does not smoke, does not change and does not exist." The pursuit of ideal is one of the many forms to deny the reality as it is. It is beautiful to dream about this, see a fairy tale in dreams can even be quite filling and healing. But live, looking for ideal people and concrete circumstances - it is heavy burden, despite the ease and fabulousness of fantasies.
Consider an example of a dream of one heroine:
"I go from the subway to your house with a pretty man. In my perception - courageous, tightened, just and tastefully dressed. I know that I planned a walk with him. However, at the moment I feel so tired and want to sleep. I go and think about what is ashamed to tell a person that I changed my mind and I want to sleep - I promised! Yet I decide and say that right now I want to rest. And about the miracle! A man says: "Well, you are now sent at home. I will sit near. When you rest - let's go for a walk." I immediately find a new reason to refuse myself: "Oh, and my son is sleeping now. So he will wake up and see you. Uncomfortable. "What I get the answer:" Listen, he is an adult man. We will find a common language with him, we will meet. "I have no arguments. A man asks:" Have you already chosen the route for a walk? " I'm in response: "Oh, I don't care. You choose'. And at this point I say myself: "Listen, this is your old game - to clamp your desires. You will ask you time, two will ask, and then cease - no longer a response. And then you are offended that they ignore you. You destroyed your marriage. So stop the same "song" now. I remember that there were two routes for which I would like to walk and declare it. A man says: "Fine! While you will relax, I think our route." I sigh lightweight. I stopped burning myself with shame. And my communication with a man became warm, easy.
Of course, a wonderful sleep with a relaxing effect. Now let's talk about the meaningful side. This man appears before the newness of the ideal function, taking into account her desire, responding to her dialogue with himself. It is easy to do, being a sleep character. I would try to be a real man with my dialogues to be so sensitive and attentive longer than a few moments of the "honey" month.
A real person will act accordingly to his monologue with him, hardly even on the same topic with a woman who got this man, mistakenly thinking that he was ideal!
Similar dreams of dreams are rather not about a man, but about the perfect caring figure, which is usually not a man at all, but Mom. And with the help of a man, she only wants to bring something to her life, what dreamed with mom: sensitivity, causing causing and aspirations, support in the elections that she does.
As one respected colleague wrote: "A woman tries with the help of a man to close a hole in the soul, applied by her mother, but he can't do it, because he didn't take it anxious."
In other words, a dream of an ideal man is a well-selling dream of an improved mother, mom, which fucks right.
Honest to go into relations when the other is not the perfect satisfactory "Wishlist", but just a person
Photo: pixabay.com/ru.
Reading these lines, an unprepared reader can snatch and say: "What a nonsense! I don't dream about my mother, I'm fine with my mother, I congratulate her on holidays and helping at the cottage! Mom has nothing to do with it! "
However, about how we build contact, no one century wrote, starting with Freud and its followers, for example melanie Klein.
Intimacy, the ability to create a close relationship, has the Latin meaning "Inter Matter" - mother inside me. Intimacy is the primordiality and care, which each of us has captured during the development of relations with mom or figure, replacing it. Unconsciously we will recreate the closest, love relations that have learned from the first moments of their existence.
Therefore, we recommend seekers of the perfect partner to deepen in the question of who is a teacher of proximity for you. Why do I need a partner who perfectly catch my aspirations of the soul? Sometimes it is not necessary to use for this, to use a man. It would be more honest to go into a relationship when the other is not the perfect satisfactory "Wishlist", but just a person.
We wish our dreams to find the right decision for yourself in this topic.
I wonder what you dream? Examples of your dreams send by mail: [email protected]. The way, the dreams are much easier to express if in a letter to the editor you will write preceding life circumstances, but most importantly - feelings and thoughts at the time of awakening from this dream.
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin