Statistics of divorces inexorably grows. If several decades ago, it was a serious step, which was told about how about the "fault" of the family, for which a long time could not decide not least on material considerations, now the social situation changes. Women earn no less men returning to the nurse family serving staff. Do not be together because of children, money is also not glue for a relationship. Is that mortgage ... domestic and social conditions remain the same, despite the marriage you or divorced.
Divorce decreases, it would seem, it became easier. But it was not there. The family is, perhaps, the richest source of experience: joint residence, overcoming difficulties, crises and growing, sometimes, even survival. Not so, just give up a partner who goes next to you at the same way. Especially when there is a relationship. And they go beyond social functioning or parenthood.
I will give an example of the internal searches for our dreams. From dreams some aspect of her life is understandable, but still a brief biography. She is 40 years old, has long been married, there is a child. Now she went to study at a psychologist. And for several months is engaged in searching for an answer: whether to stay with her husband. And how, if it is no longer possible. And if you do not stay, how to be?
Here are 2 sleeps with a difference per week. Their messages and paint the main contours of her dilemma.
1. "I choose a new apartment and go with dad, I look. In a completely unfamiliar place, a huge area and high-rise tower are huge. Half populated. I look at them and I think that if there are no unconscious citizens of the wall in the wrong place, then any tower may be formed. Scary so. This is generally my phobia. That the ceiling can collapse.
The realtor shows an apartment, and someone half a year lived in it, and with a cat. I am so indignant that you, as you can, my husband has allergies, there should be no cats, and in general I do not even consider the option that someone lived in the apartment. I only serve new accommodation.
I'm thinking if I washed my husband to disperse. Why do I choose a house for coaching? "
2. "I came to the therapeutic group, we have a lot, the whole hall, a person 30. The teacher talks about love. He says that all, with what you are in the family are encountered, you bring to the group. It is your problems and the like, here, in the group will be found. This means that if there are problems in the family, then on the group, maybe someone will spin someone with someone. You say, yes, you will fall in love, and butterflies in the stomach, and all that. We sit, listen. And the maiden one questions asks, actively participates, comments. And she does not seem to be from the group as the viewer. Something says and then reports that she is 25 years old. And I overlook the classmate. And we talk to him in one voice: "And it looks like it is all forty. What are there 25 ". I understand that this is all 25 in my heart, and so without year for forty. And butterflies, of course, I want to fall in love. "
Well, here is the presentation of the conflict. On the one hand, in the first dream, our dreams sees how her "new buildings" can collapse. They are all in them and unreliable. And even lived someone. New home, that is, a new life, which is still very ghostly. In addition, in a dream she says: "No, I have a plan to live with my husband, with his allergies on cats. And no divorces. "
The second dream just shows the other side of the medal. Fall in love to tell yourself: "I'm 25 again, I am young, they love me, choose, admire. I have all the most juicy again. I do not want to touch the fact that I am 40, then there will be 45-50. " That passion already has another kind that the usual ways of escape from their own maturity no longer saves.
On the one hand, in a dream, it gives themselves permission to try all the options for the experience. After all, from being to talk to yourself: "No-no, but I'm married! You can not fall in love! "The effect will be reverse, even a paradoxically reinforced. By the way, it sees this dream about the group, that is, aware that this dilemma is far from unique, only one given to solve it.
On the other hand, not all passions in life can be perceived for a clean coin. Sometimes it is only a hoax, illusion to cover up more difficult topics. Such, such as the most notorious crisis of 40 years. Mid life. Awareness that young forces could have been idling. Now experience more, more meaningful, but completely different obligations. And no longer so far fading, the extinction of natural beauty, health, youth. Now all this will be the result of concern about yourself, labor and deposit.
Beautiful, indicative dreams of our dreams. Of course, no one can tell her how to be. The resolution of this conflict behind it, and, it seems, she surrounded himself the right support group on this path.
And what dreams of you?
Examples of your dreams send by mail: [email protected]. By the way, dreams are much easier to express if in a letter to the editor you will write preceding life circumstances, but most importantly - feelings and thoughts at the time of awakening from this dream.
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin