- Maria, tell me how can you understand what the child has a tendency? Do you have any tricks or your philosophy in this matter?
- Parents do not need to understand why the child is inclined. For some reason, it is believed that the child is a kind of parent "application." It can be "downloaded" the program you need to "delete" the unnecessary. If yesterday he wanted to play music, today - drawing, and tomorrow - to study the structure of the cell, then this is normal. Are we adults, not the same? Why if an adult has the right to first embed a cross, and then throw this occupation, then you need to force a child? I give my children the opportunity to try and the right to change your mind. The son who was passionate about the biology and chemistry was not afraid to tell me what he wants to do physics. If he said he would like to become an actor, I would also not faint. The only thing I insist on, on sports sections. And anyone. But the sport must be necessarily. Do you want to throw tennis? Well, what is the replacement? Fraw swimming? Excellent. What do you get instead?
- How to choose the right university and do you need to interfere in this process?
- Parents need to categorically prohibit interfere in the process of choosing a university. My son enrolled this year in Moscow State University, the prestigious natural-scientific faculty, and the budget. Two previous years I heard about a specific university, the other, which he dreamed about. And literally at the last moment the son changed his mind there. I naturally walked around the ceiling, caused and climbed hands. Suggested to go for a paid department, if this is "university dreams." It is good that the son has character, real, male. He did as decided. And only he is responsible for this decision. And he is proud to choose his way and will learn at the budget department. He said a wonderful phrase: "The university gives opportunities, but only it depends on me, as I use them."
- Do you need a child tutors or is it better to help master the topic yourself?
- In high school, in preparation for EEG, tutors are vital. Like additional courses, exit schools. Before the fifth grade, from my point of view, the child has enough help mother or dad. Again, from the fifth grade, the son had a tutor in English and German languages, which did not give a school curriculum, but knowledge.
- When a child is already a student, do you need to allow him to live an independent life?
- Allow you need much earlier. It is hard, but need. I gave my son to independent trips with friends to other cities - they took apartments, bought tickets, they cared about what would be. I myself live yourself from sixteen years old and from the same age I work. Many of my friends lived in a hostel. Son, oddly sounds, also dreamed of a hostel. I think that as soon as he starts earning, immediately remove the apartment with friends and move. And home will come once a week to eat my mother's cholet or soup. The main thing is to teach a child responsibility for your actions. The son, for example, knows that if I do not even call him, wherever he been, there will be people in his hour on the threshold, our familiar friends or acquaintances, whom we will raise anxiety. And after three hours, I will stand on the threshold, and then he will not be short. Son knows that if you need to call me or father. We first solve any problem, but only then we will tear off my head. It makes no sense to hold. Now I am looking for him in the cities of Russia, but as soon as it will be eighteen, he will leave the hitchhiker to Europe, and I will search for him for some hostels. And this is normal. Worse, when I see how the boys, with whom it is already twenty, spend vacation with mothers in hotels.
- In general, as you think, at what moment the child can "let go" - first of all from under your own (somewhere) excessive guardianship?
- To be honest, I'm not ready to call a specific age. Yes, I let my son from myself rather early, but not when he was small. In this sense, I am a crazy mother or, as psychologists say, "alarming". I went with my son for fees, hired an animator, assistant chef. Now I drive with my daughter. I am always near. Nearby, but at the distance of an elongated hand. Probably, it is necessary first of all to me, not children. But there is a saying in our family. If you translate from English, it sounds like this: "If my mother is not happy, no one is happy."
- Many psychologists assure that it is impossible to be another to her child. Do you agree with this opinion? Why? What's bad about it?
- You need to divide friendship and panibrate. You need to be friends with your child. It is fun and joyfully primarily for the parent. This is a way to negotiate faster, joke, smooth sharp corners. But I can not suffer panibrates. The child should know the edge, "checkboxes" for which you can not go out. I am not a girlfriend, I'm mom. And what is permitted with a girlfriend - from the vocabulary to the actions, in disabilities with his mother. I would say that parents are not so many friends as older comrades who first need to respect.