Financial question sooner or later gets up to any pair. It doesn't matter whether they live together or separately, work in the office or on themselves, earn about the same or with a big difference. Anyway, expectations arise: who will pay for? Who and for what should pay?
I won't be mistaken if I say that the most popular stereotype on this topic is that a man must ensure his own woman. TV shows, movies and magazines often use the images of nimble (even if it has long formally emerged from adolescence), which has its own papik. And its task is to be well-groomed, capricious and finished with him on everything. In return, he provides her needs and whims. Of course, in many ways this example is grotesque. However, many couples live like this: a man takes on the feature of the miner, and a woman - life, later children. This scenario has many bonuses: roles are distributed and understandable. If a man earns enough, then everyone suits everyone. But this provision has a reverse side. Money can become a means of control, manipulation and coercion. In quarrels and disputes wins the one who pays. The second side is dependent on the means, so it has to choose between its free opinion and the need to agree with the one that depends on its well-being. In such pairs, if one manipulates money, then the second is forced to resort to other means of war: speculating sex, children, health, etc. So if you are with a partner to seek equality in relationships, maybe such a money scenario will not suit you .
The second option is a separate budget. How much I earned - I spent so much. For joint plans are discharged in half. Gifts to each other in the same price category, not to encroach on freedom and independence of the other. This option is good with its transparency. Both partners know that it only needs to count on themselves. Both emphasize their own integrity and separateness. At the same time, money is always a reflection of the threads stretched in relationships. If money is only a metaphor of proximity, then in such pairs it is clearly tense with it. The distance is too large and personal boundaries are too strong. In the relationship there is an appeal for supporting each other, periods when they need help and participate in another. If this does not happen, the relationship is most likely to control both partners using a distance. In order to not get closer, they form the distance between each other with the help of money.
The third option can be called "who has, that and pays." Spontaneously organized budget for many find. It allows you to maneuver in different periods of life and practically not to feel the lack of finance from any of the partners. At the same time, you can often hear stories about how one of the partners begins to enjoy this situation. If you can take another time at any time, then you can not try hard, and even relax. This is often told by successful girls who open their own finances for their partner, and after a while they discover that he did not put a penny in the family treasury.
Thus, the family budget is a reflection of relationships in a pair: the degree of trust, proximity, clarity of positions, the ability to communicate and negotiate. In other words, than you closer and frankly with each other, the easier it is to discuss such an ambiguous topic as money.
Successes!
Maria Dyachkova (Zemskova), Psychologist, Family Therapist and Leading Training Personal Growth of the Mary Khazin Training Center