"Become for yourself one!", "You are a princess and a star!" "Believe in yourself!" - Similar slogans have been whipped asking. Psychological articles do not read about it, films and popular songs are also preferably about it. It seems most of us live according to these calls, in different ways to reinforce personal championship. You can do this with the help of branded things, you can talk to yourself that I am number one, because my body looks in a certain way. The modern beauty and fashion industry gives many opportunities for this. You can also prove this formula with the help of a successful career. And you can sit down at home to ensure your husband. Would he provide a woman not better for himself? The answer is obvious. But in fact it is very difficult to recognize the hidden conflict when personal value and significance is questioned, and it is necessary to defend or earn. This conflict is early, it is formed long. Often, by a drop of children's memories, you can find how a person comes to the conclusion that nothing is worth it.
In educational aspects, like feeding is not on demand, but by hours and modes. Then the child gradually comes to the conclusion that its needs do not matter. Or in the windings: "You never know what you want," and in the control of all aspects of life - from the toilet to the choice of friends, and in reading personal diaries by parents in adolescence, and much more in what. I will not say that everything, but many educational methods and ideologies are built on the fact that the value of the child is especially great when he was born, but then suddenly it is getting out the portion, according to how he behaves. When a child is born, he is valuable, but then he has to do something to prove it his being. Value is issued by the parents and for some reason personally does not belong to the child.
Often educational methods and ideologies are built on the fact that the value of the child depends on how he behaves
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Already in adulthood it is easy to see its value in the eyes of others, thanks to this, you can not notice personal disagreement of yourself and discontent. It is easier to trust the fact that people who surround me and love, can not be mistaken. If I need my loved ones, then I am a valuable person.
Logical seems to be the process. But the harmful in its perspective. When personal value exists only in the eyes of others, the role of these others is growing in geometric progression. You can imperceptibly to replace your values on the values and desires of others, and just live someone else's life so that in the eyes of others it is reflected as an incredibly special and valuable person. And in this, too, there is no special misfortune, if there is no anxiety-sharply, that I myself do not stand anything.
Below I cite an example of a dream, which, in my opinion, it is for this discovery that gives a dream.
"In the kitchen, in the apartment of my childhood we are sitting with dad. He is slightly suitable. However, as always in my childhood. And suddenly with a special zeal and making emphasis on every word, says: "Do you know that not my first daughter? You are the second! "In a dream, I'm terribly surprised in a dream, although immediately, as I woke up, I thought that this was no secret. I know about it, since the first daughter of my parents died in childbirth. "
I can add that I know a little about the context of the life of this dreamy. Father for her is a key figure of love and affection. And he informs her that you are not number one, you're two. In other words, pay attention to how you treat yourself. You are in the second plan in your own life. For other people, you can be generally inconspicuous and no numbers, but isn't it strange that you are not in the first place for yourself?
"Isn't it strange that for yourself not in the first place?"
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Probably, the dream will have to remember the safety instructions from the aircraft, which it has not implemented so far in his life: "If depressurization occurs in the cabin, oxygen masks will fall. First, put the mask on yourself (which is unacceptable for those who are in the shadow of their own life), and therefore - to the child. " From myself I will add that this formula refers not only to the special and crisis circumstances of life, it is quite every day and does not require any particular "turbulence".
And what dreams of you? Examples of your dreams send by mail: [email protected]. The way, the dreams are much easier to express if in a letter to the editor you will write preceding life circumstances, but most importantly - feelings and thoughts at the time of awakening from this dream.
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin