We live in a rapidly changing world, where today you play the role of a fragile and vulnerable young lady, and tomorrow comes time to be strong and independent. Perhaps, never in the history of mankind social roles were not transformed so quickly: over the past century, our rights and obligations, romantic relationships and role models were subjected to revision. It is no wonder that many just confused and do not understand how to act in order not to look inappropriate and stupid.
Steemeotypes, stereotypes, stereotypes ... Today, the progressive public is habitually scolding them, and in many ways the advanced society is right: imposed models of the behavior of women, men, parents and children, bosses and subordinate sometimes are offensive, insulting, oppressing. But in fact, there is nothing wrong with the stereo-type phenomenon, because it is just an established image of how correctly. It helps to quickly read "his" and "alien", without spending resources and time, and in general is not an absolute evil.
It is necessary to recognize the fact: in the social environment, almost no man's and female remained, no matter how strange it sounds
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Over time and social changes, stereotypes are changing, it is natural. Now all our images of the right and "good" are actively comprehended and rethought, and this is a wonderful, but long and often complex process. It is clear that those who are not involved in the advanced movements on the change of stereotypes, confused: what seemed the right years, decades and even centuries, becomes forbidden and shame. For example, if it was completely normal before, it was considered to wait from the cavalier of payment of bills for a joint evening in a cafe, today will be regarded at best as an uncompatory. Does the door - or will it insult a woman who considered sexism in the kind gesture? Does family budget share? Will it go to the decree or ask for a partner about this? Let's deal with what we refuse and what we go.
Son's daughters
So...
1. Then. We are all brought up in a patriarchal paradigm: a man is a minider, a focus custodian. This model is old almost as the world itself, but it must be admitted that now her days are considered.
2. Now. System layer and its transformation, new norms and rules - what we see now. Because of this, it is possible to observe obvious beggars - aggressive social movements, which Zano defend their rights. Along with them, there are also conservatives that do not wish for change.
3. then. Already today you can imagine how the gender model of society will look like in the sooner time. Equal rights respond to equal responsibilities, because the service in the army, the decree and other "sex" moments may become common.
We all come from childhood, and it is there that we absorb those models of behavior, which we will follow in adulthood. A clear division into female and male is happening in infancy, although the baby by and large almost to three years is still, what kind of toys have - boys or maiden. But many fathers faint, having learned that their sons are glad to be with a doll or ride a bear stroller - after all, it is "Girls"! "Who will grow out if he plays from Barbie instead of the ball?" - Injust young fathers, disturbing and worrying for the future of their child. Under the prohibition there are not only certain toys or clothing, but also the manifestation of the feelings of small people. Whining, capricious, fall into hysterics - in a word, to express emotions as children know how, - not the future man, and now the boy absorbs the stereotype of behavior: it is impossible to cry - it is impossible to show weakness - it is impossible to give out girls to give out And further, and further.
It gets and the weak floor: Actually, parents are hardly made from girls of weak and defenseless nymph, who did not stick loudly laugh, shout or quickly run, fight or mess around in dirt. "You're a girl!" - All prohibitions and taboos are covered with this sacramental phrase. Girls are not worth kicking the ball, shoot from Luka, to fight - and therefore daughters go to ballet, music, rhythmic gymnastics. As well as sons who want to dance, are given to the sports sections.
Someone will say: they say, the parents know more. Alas, but it is not. Today, psychologists are trumped that children from birth - individual personality, and it is important to learn to respect their desires as early as possible. This, by the way, a huge step in humanistic psychology - and to make it, humanity took a lot of effort. Now more and more parents choose a democratic style of behavior in relation to siblings, trying to follow not their ambitions, but the aspirations and interests of the child.
What about gender roles? Alas, it's not so good with it. Fear that because of pink pantyhose or from dolls, the boy will become a "minority", very strong even at progressive parents, and therefore we still grow toddlers in the strict paradigm of male and female.
From change of places
It would seem, what's wrong with that? But you need to recognize the fact: in the social environment, almost no male and female remained, no matter how strange it sounds. Not denying physiological features (it would be stupid and ridiculous to pretend that we are completely the same), a progressive society is trying to equal rights and cavaliers both in love and profession. The modern person will greatly surprise if you become talking about the traditionally male or female work or a duty: everyone can do what he wants, and not to be incomprehensible or ridiculous. In Finland, a long time ago, a woman is a full-fledged member of the social and political life: to the National Parliament, Eduskunt, is constantly elected by a large number of ladies, and sometimes the number of them outweighs the number of men (who could imagine such a thing?). A girl who heads the party (how Anderson from the same Finland) is not a miracle and not a different, but Scandinavian reality. Men become excellent makeup artists, hair stylists - to remember even the favorites of Hollywood Chris McMillana or Serzh Norman.
Everything is so, but so far we are not-no and we look at the Square to the young man who is seriously passionate for the skill of manicure, or a girl who dreams of becoming a foreman. Moreover, alas, but in the countries of the former USSR, a female rate is on average less than men, despite the fact that the ladies occupy senior positions and perform all the same duties as their opposite sex colleagues.
Modern man and woman are not the same, but equal
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The presentations embellished in us with great difficulty are transforming, and this is normal: you should not try to negotiate from yourself in one day. How to be? To try to understand and accept: True, everyone has different, and a person nearby can have a look at what is good, but what is bad. When it comes to other people's people, take it more or less easily, but when the inquiry is manifested in loved ones - in children, in friends, in partners, we are somehow protest. It is important to deal with your inner protest, not addressed and not addition of loved ones: in your opinion anyway, no one will do, but disbelief and the alertness between you will definitely appear.
Strong floor, weak floor ...
From extensive conversations - to practice. We realized that we are in the center of the changing world, and here the changes touched us personally. The easiest and most reasonable example: you tied a new romantic acquaintance. And already there are questions. Who approached (wrote, called) the first? How is it "accepted" now? After all, before, decent girls could not manifest initiative; It remained only modestly to shoot through the eyes and smile mysteriously (preferably silently). Let's drink bold and resourceful: everything you can! No one will accuse you in promotion, if you make the very first step of the first one - neither your potential worker nor attentive society.
And now the time is the date. Who can the choice of place? Remember, we build equality, so feel free to discuss options with a cavalier, offering our ideas. As a result of the negotiations, choose the direction that you like both. The delicate question about the account has not yet found a single answer. Ideally, you need to negotiate "on the shore" - so you will avoid awkwardness. Follow the simple rule: count on yourself and on your own funds. It is not worth treating a new acquaintance, but also to wait that he will buy you dinner, do not. You are not yet connected with strong uzami, do not know about each other and about each other's income. After all, you do not expect that you will be treated with a friend with whom you met drinking coffee, or a colleague riding in the office buffet tea?
In the future, if a random meeting will grow into something more, the financial issue should be discussed separately and thoroughly. There is nothing terrible and strange in talking on such topics - moreover, these conversations are useful, they strengthen confidence. Each couple lives as it is clear and comfortable to her, and therefore there are no right moves and solutions. Do you like the idea of a common transparent budget? Or is close and understandable the idea to have own funds from which you "throw off" if necessary? You are welcome! The main thing is that both partners agree with the family monetary device.
If you go on the first date, still without deciding how to be with the same account, pay! Do not wait for mercies from a unconscious man, hope for him and his ideas about what is right. In the end, he / she is not obliged to you.
If the attitude of a possible lover towards equal rights and duties is clear to you and does not suit you, you should not hope for a long successful union.
It is possible to change a person in one case - with its own hot and sustainable desire and effort. Otherwise, the difference in views on who should wash the dishes will definitely lead to a rupture.
By the way, men are very suffering from a stereotype, which almost already outlived themselves, but still from time to time raises her head. We say, of course, about the image of the omnipotent breadwinner and the miner, which by all means provides the family. Of course, the partner who is able to "cover the rear" with his native in the case when the second partner remains without livelihood, is the perfect option, but notice: we deliberately use the neutral word "partner". Responsibility for financial well-being couples can not bear not only a man, and there is nothing criminal. Some representatives of the "strong" floor (another stereotype, by the way) perfectly cope with the management of the household. And who, as not a woman, the centuries engaged in the house and children, knows what kind of complex and important work! Do not depreciate the gusts of the spouse in case you earn enough and do not tend to blame the nest. Remember: everyone is able to deal with what he is lying to the soul.
Used Nian
Equal rights respond to equal responsibilities, because the service in the army, the decree and other "sex" moments may become common
Photo: unsplash.com.
By the way, about children. In Europe, by the way, much earlier than in Russia, a glance at the parent has already changed. Child care has ceased to be exclusively maternity responsibility - until the woman may not leave work on maternity leave (unless you have to dare to dare at the time of birth directly), and the Decrette will go to her husband. In our homeland, this approach may seem like most, to put it mildly, amazing - hello, stereotypes! And how otherwise, if since childhood the boy really understood that there are duties that he should fulfill, but is what his wife should do?
From here a huge number of divorces that happen in the first three "maternity" years: young parents cannot agree, the newly minted mother "rests" (this is how society seems to) with children, the father is killed at work, and in the evening, coming home, requires dinner and tranquility . In the family where the separation of responsibilities was not, and the parents were full partners, children get used to another model of behavior - strategies of mutual assistance and support. A healthy view of partnership is brought up as a common business, where everyone is responsible for each.
We fell to live in a very interesting and difficult time: we observe the layer of the system and somehow participate in the exciting process of changing gender roles. Do not be afraid or oppose. Remember that change is the essence of life, focus on common sense, believe intuition and your desires. After all, if you follow them, you will certainly be surrounded by those who themselves wished to see in their close circle.