- It is believed that the very concept of "love" everyone understands in different ways. Is it really so?
- I highlight three basic meanings of the word "love": love, love, childhood. Now I will tell you more.
Love is a natural reaction at the level of almost physiological, when another person crashes goosebumps, the desire to be close to being together. Sometimes it is called the condition "there are chemistry between them." Such states cannot be hidden from others, and everyone immediately notice this "uneven breathing" and a special attitude. Love can be more subtle and spiritual - when it is very interesting and comfortable with a person.
Mikhail Volokhov
Love is what appears in the process of relationships, and never immediately. Even if people have long been familiar - since childhood, from school or institute - there will be friendship between them. Let even a good deep friendship. But the love between them will be able to appear only in the process of interaction. When they pass together through crises, wipes to each other. What is called "eaten salt together". But the emphasis, of course, is not on that they were bad. And on the fact that they get acquainted with each other in different situations, different manifestations. And they could learn and take each other entirely. Also important and necessary parameter from which love is born is communication. The ability to speak, discuss, negotiate. My formula of love, which was born in the practice process (as a psychologist, from the very beginning, I work with couples from the very beginning) and as my personal life experience - "Love is the presence and trust." If there are trustful, close relationships - you can talk about love in a pair. If you want to be together, it's hard with proximity and trust, it will be about just love and friendship (even if there are many years a couple in relationships).
And the third form - I called her "childhood". This is when the relationship is expressed either in love through the donation of care as the main manifestation, or through the need for care. For example, the girl says "I want to see what he cares about me." Yes, care for each other is, of course, an important part of relations. But we are talking about the situation where care is declared as a leading need. Not that the "distant" guy or leaves the conversation on important topics, but what does not care. In this case, we can talk about insufficient adults of young people, some immaturity. About the most "children's injuries", about which psychologists say a lot. When parents did not give warmth and support, and this warmly and support is now searched in a loved one. But not warm and supporting a man, and the care of the parent. Therefore, such a type of love I call "childhood." It can be implemented. Then the relationship will be similar to the model "Mother and Son" or "Father and Daughter". If a couple conflict, then there will be dysfunctional models "two children" or "two parents". Two parents are when the couple does not know how to interact as a man and a woman, their parents did not show a model of warm relationship husband, and love was demonstrated only from the parent to the child.
Love can only appear in the process of relationship
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- How is it worth it to position yourself next to your loved one?
- as a woman. Loving woman. Next to the beloved man. It is important to remember that relations are the union of two adults. They, of course, have children's manifestations, joy, fun. Sex, for example, is largely an emotional state that is customary to the children's part of the psyche (in the transaction model E. Bern). But it is important that the balance between the roles of an adult, parent and child. If there is a breakdown, then proximity is achieved only from the role of the mother. Or a woman notes that its main manifestation, the presentation of himself in a relationship - a plans girl. It is better to seek qualified help to a psychologist. It may be a personal story, and the history of relationships - why is it with this man it turns out to be manifested in this way?
- Then go to the next question. How to show your love so that another person immediately becomes clear: it is she who?
- There is a famous book that has become a classic - "5 Languages of love", which describes that different ways are possible to take attention, care and love. You can take a test on the Internet to identify leading your needs and in what language "says" partner. If we talk about the ideal to which you can strive, I would suggest to communicate more, learn to hear each other. So that there was no situation where a man says: "You don't love me!", And the woman answers him: "Well, how so?! I am preparing you food and erase your clothes! " This is an example of how partners do not hear each other. He failed to show her how appreciated what she was doing for him. She could not hear that there is something important that he needed to get in a relationship. The ability and the ability to communicate is the main thing that is worth paying attention to the pair and develop as a basic way to show love. When there is communication, there will be everything else. Remember that love is primarily about trust and intimacy. And the expression of trust and proximity is the possibility directly, openly and at the same time warmly communicated.
Love is impossible without trust
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- The most popular question is probably all women: how to find the golden middleness between "love yourself" and "be loved by another"?
- I hear the question here: "How not to love him more than he loves me?" And it is more about the alarm in a pair, the fear of non-sufficiency, imbalance in relations. If such anxieties appear, it's best to contact a relationship consultant. Which will help clarify and call what is in the "in the shade" pair. Those difficult issues that fail to set each other or get answers. This is just an example about confidence-up problems.
- Many women are afraid to face the defendant of their love. How to deal with this fear and learn how to take the love of another person, not repulscing it? In other words, how to deserve love?
- This is also a personal story. When it is difficult to trust. Can manifest as low self-esteem. Internal distrust that a woman can be loved by a man. Unfortunately, difficulty adds also that such fears can be inter-floor, transmitted in the family from a woman to a woman. Anxious grandmother, anxious mother. If parents performed social roles in the family, tried to live correctly and take care of the measure of the forces about the child, but did not show a warm and gentle relationship as a man and a woman, then the child will have a lot of anxiety and misunderstanding what a family is who are such a man and a woman. And here it is better not to fight. And contact a specialist. The money spent and time will take you a storm.