Addiction
There are several views on this problem. For example, family system therapy considers dependence as a symptom of the entire family system. That is, someone is one sick, and the disorder supports the whole system. Therefore, with this approach, they work with the whole family. With dependent - in groups of anonymous alcoholics and personal therapy. With relatives work in groups of co-dependent and family therapy, exploring the personal benefits of each of the fact that their close man is sick.
Personality-oriented therapy suggests that the dependent does not cope with shame, fears, wine and other difficult experiences, therefore is looking for support for itself in the use of the object (alcohol, drugs, or fodder, descends money to maps and so on.).
Barry and Jenia Winhold argued that dependence is a reaction to painful attachment in our distant past. Someone very significant for the child was simultaneously loved and dangerous or unreliable. And later, the child did not receive support for the manifestation of the initiative, personal desires and needs, was punished or humiliated.
Thus, the idea of ourselves, the image of the "I" of the dependent person an uncomputed. The dependent feels a constant threat and danger to himself. Eating a substance - a way to fill the shortage of personal resources, protect yourself or even dissolve, so as not to feel brightly pain.
Dependent people experience a constant thrust to the object of dependence. They practically do not realize other needs, except for thrust, for the satisfaction of which they are ready for anything.
Therefore, work with dependent is difficult, often returns to the beginning. Dependent are broken, for they are not able to rely on anything when they are captured by the status of the thrust.
Co-dependency
Co-addiction is an attempt to be closely addicted to save it from a detrimental addiction. It is impossible to consider dependent behavior as a separate phenomenon. Co-dependent does not have thrust to the chemical object of dependence, but have a merger to merge with their loved ones, i.e. with dependent.
This traction manifests itself in unsuccessful attempts to save him life, cure addiction, control each step or live a soul to him in the soul, ignoring obvious difficulties.
Co-dependence has in nature the same painful history of his own past: a traumatic attachment and an attempt to restore the destroyed relationship by "sticking" with an important person for himself. It is important to say that their close, suffering dependence, may be a threatening, dangerous, cruel. I often had to hear the stories of women or children who flew fleet from an angry drunken father, who was taken by the knife and other dangerous things in the house. Nevertheless, after these drams, most families continue to live together contrary to common sense and their own security. Many of them believe that in the depths of their relatives of their loved one, who has become a tyrant and monster for them, the wounded and interpretable person who needs to help again stand on the right way.
Working with co-dependent in therapy is complicated by the fact that they do not directly see their role in supporting addiction addiction. Usually they turn to church, hospitals and hospitals with the words "cure it!".
As a rule, dependent, and co-dependent behavior are found in a pair, where the role of the dependent on itself takes one of the family members, while the fate of co-dependent remains.
Each member of the family inside the dependent system lives on a specific scenario, surviving the feelings prepared by his role.
Being addicted is to experience the total shame and impotence to change anything. To be co-dependent - it means to fall into the emotional storm from anger and despair to apathy and despondency.
If the article seemed to you depressing and pessimistic - perhaps you are right. With this problem, it's not so easy to cope. However, perhaps.
There are in many countries and in Russia, in particular, well-established methods of working with addiction. The Internet is replete with this information, as well as there are many psychological assistance centers in which they will explain where to start and how to work.
If you are in a similar family or situation, then the most important thing is to seek professional support in time. The situation itself will never be corrected by itself.
I wish you success!
Maria Dyachkova (Zemskova), Psychologist, Family Therapist and Leading Training Personal Growth of the Mary Khazin Training Center