Sitting in the chair of the psychologist, at each second reception you can hear tears, resentment, and sometimes anger of completely adults and people who have taken place on traumatic childhood, for loneliness and isolation, for coercion and pain in, it would seem cohesive, intelligent and seemingly loving families.
Opposite me, adult children of adult parents, burdened with all attributes of their own adulthood, were sitting out of these families, from born children to major monthly mortgage bills. No, no, yes, and slipks in their speeches of the dream of mom, who will finally hear the crying of the child and take on the handles, about the dad, which will finally play, and not punish. About the grandmother, which will stop manipulating and forcibly to order, but simply hugging. About the brothers who will stop riding, and will call with them for a walk. And then the stories that the injury and injustice of childhood continues now. That mother climbs with the tips, and dad at all, for example, left and does not call, and the grandmother died, never after hugging, and the brothers, and sisters ... At these speeches, the hope for the satisfaction of these needs at least once. And if someone else, then let the partner or children cope then to quench the long-term thirst for love.
In many of us, a child continues to live, requiring parental love and care
Photo: pixabay.com/ru.
As a rule, it does not work. Or works, but not long. The voice of an indignant and offended little child is muted only for a while.
Most often, during my work, we are approaching the client to the point in which you can continue to want to dream, call. You can need, you can search for love and recognition. This integral essence of its (client) of the human being. But most often to survive parting with the illusion to surrender this from its relatives in adulthood. The idea of surrender has to let go and mourn. And, despite the perspective of the grief, grow up and get rid of a false goal to squeeze out of close justice, happiness, love and reliability. I am glad when I hear something like that: "I refuse the idea that Mom will love me as I need." This means that now he has become an adult and mature, able to perceive himself as a source of love, and not continue to feed the dependence on loved ones.
Below I will give the dream of a dream, which is now in the process of working such a plan, and, judging by the way, she is on the way to healing.
"Some kind of country (not Russia), and I need to get into some place. A narrow road diving down at an angle of almost 180 degrees. On the road, from the scene of my destination, then there are cars, they accelerate down, To boil upstairs and leave. Not everyone gets the first time, they roll back to zoom in running and, reaching the top point, sit on the belly to turn forward. They are hard. The road is so narrow that I, pedestrian, on it It is not a place. I have a suitcase on the wheels, there are no bypass paths, on both sides of the road two perpendicular walls, everything looks like a gorge or deep ravine. I go on a slope, littered with snowdrifts, I am very scary, very high, go further Nowhere, you need to jump down. I'm afraid to break up and get under an accelerated car at the same time. I remember about the suitcase, he merged into the color with the snow, became invisible, but I jerked him for the handle after myself. Having a courage, I start sliding down the snow . Contrary to my expectations, I slide slowly and gently, like a snowdrift sends, it is planted under me, there is no expected danger, I am surprised. And now I'm up to the top of the road, from where the cars went away. Here the forest and early spring, the land is flooded with melt water, and the ducks swim in the lake, sunny, and the feeling of emptiness, audible voices of foreign people, and the background is a feeling of fear. Did I strive here? This is not the place.
Suddenly I see a wooden door leading to a fenced dense overtaking territory. It seems to me that I will be safe there. Well, knock on her, my mother opens. This is a hotel or a holiday home with a small bungalow on a hill, there is something connected with dancing, a chawy land around. It seems I was looking for dance shoes.
Only a person periodically returns to parents
Photo: pixabay.com/ru.
It is time to leave, and Dad went to spend. I went out for the gate and saw in the sky a black cloud, a hurricane and a tornado, hung over the most expensive. My dog is with me. I show the dad on the cloud and I understand that I better do not go. Dad is indifferent to cloud. I ask him to bring an umbrella, he submorted brings without showing any concern for my life. When he brought an umbrella, the cloud became even more dangerous. I decided that the train, and went to explore the hotel. The hill opened a futuristic view of the valley, cutting out with suitevi rails for mini-trailers, features, skiers without snow. Why with such an infrastructure this place does not have a normal driveway? I woke up on this'.
The first part of sleep is winter and dangerous cars - it is her wary perception of the world and other people in it. Circle danger, cold and threats.
The second part of sleep is a symbolic return home where there is a mother and dad. Despite the hurricanes, it is safe in this house-hotel. And at the same time, she sees that there are practically no roads to this island.
Much recently, on the next advanced training, they talked about the fact that only a person is periodically returning to parents and asks to continue to love him or, rather, to dub. In the animal world, no adult individual returns to parents and does not seek their concerns. She creates his flock and saturates her care for his offspring. The person in this sense is unique in this sense, keeping the idea to return to the parent house and finally getting "happy childhood."
Probably, the subconscious of our dreams periodically sends it to those distant moments of reliable contact with loved ones to remind her of its potential to build her reliable home with an expensive dear.
And what dreams of you? Examples of your dreams send by mail: [email protected]. The way, the dreams are much easier to express if in a letter to the editor you will write preceding life circumstances, but most importantly - feelings and thoughts at the time of awakening from this dream.
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin