Did you think about why some people consider the dashes of fate, which everything is easily given, others call themselves losers who do not shine anything good in life? They criticize themselves, experiencing a feeling that unworthy of the best, because some "not such": stupid, ugly, unorganized, unknown ... This list can be continued, but in fact there is no such set of qualities that would create an unsuccessful person, all Business in thinking.
In one degree or another, the fear of new things, the uncertainty in their forces experienced each of us, even people who seem to the incarnation of success. It's all right. And if you are not able to defend your opinion, give back to unfriendly, take up the project of the dream or tell about your feelings the object of sympathy is a reason to revise the attitude towards life. It turns out that in order to become self-confident by a person, it is not at all necessary to change the place of residence, to get inheritance a huge amount of money, successfully marry or increase the chest. All you need is to change your opinion about yourself.
Remember the film "Beauty to the whole head" with Amy Shumer in the main role? The heroine has achieved career and personal success, believing that magically became a stunning beauty. And started behaving accordingly. And although the surrounding still saw in front of them, she could not charge them with his confidence. Over time, they began to perceive it exactly as she positioned himself. And for the heroine, Amy at the end of the film became a revelation that in fact she reached the desired without a magical external transformation, simply feeling attractive and bright.
Self-confidence depends not from your qualities, but from how you evaluate them
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We ourselves create a framework. Why did we ever decide that stupid, ugly, bertalanny and can never dance? Where do the roots grow our insecurity? Psychologists argue that all problems come from childhood. If parents often said that the neighboring Masha makes something better, and they were at your age and studied on the top five, and the Olympics won, and they went to the dances, and they were engaged in swimming, "the complexes will inevitably arise. The child will feel that he is in something worse than others, and fear to do something, experiencing fear of failure.
I still dream of a nightmare dream that I hand over the physical education exam. In school, the news that we are running three kilometers today, caused me a state of panic. I invented all sorts of excuses, so as not to go to the lesson, because I was sure: the cross I am not going. What was wrong? Why I stayed and went with a distance at her half - I can not understand. After all, it was a normal, healthy child. I do not remember when the first failure happened, and I began to consider myself a disability girl, but I was very much looked at it. Also, Fizruk poured oil into the fire, constantly podding over my weakness and clumsy. But in the eleventh grade, the question got up with an edge: I went to the gold medal, and only the damned physical culture pulled me down. And then it turned out that the problem was not worth the embroidery egg. My friend and I began to run in the morning. Already a month later, I flew these three kilometers like a bird. Fear, the embodiment of which was Fizruk with a stopwatch, no longer shoved me. I remember his amazed face, when painted, but happy I came running to the finish. At that moment, when you overcome yourself, your complexes seem to open a certain valve, and you are overwhelmed with the energy of joy. "I can!" At the institute, I already participated in competitions, defending the honor of the native university, and then the sport was always present in my life.
Bruce Almighty
Inadvertent in themselves, people are usually strongly looser at their failures and do not notice the achievements. And it turns out that everything is not so bad. In order to help, you should start writing your thoughts. Do you think that stupid, but how can you know it? Perhaps it was told by Marya Ivanovna in a lesson of mathematics? But not to all be sofya Kovalevski, very likely your mind is manifested in something else, and arguments that you are actually smart much more? What facts from your life can confirm this? It is useful to take a piece of paper and dividing it into three parts, in one column write its positive qualities that you can be proud of, in the other - your success and achievements and in the third - those areas where you could show your skills.
We often limit ourselves, not even deciding to start a new case, the project is worried that not competent. But when the famous American coach in the sphere of self-development Anthony Robbins asked what the secret of his success, he said that any business always begins with one hundred percent confidence that he would achieve due results. And only then masters the skills and competences necessary for the realization of conceived. Most of us arrive exactly on the contrary, and sometimes, it's regularly visiting various advanced training courses, we still do not decide to ask the bosses about the transfer to more responsible and highly paid work.
Useful to control your "internal dialogue", tracking negative thoughts
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Where to gain confidence? There are several exercises that will help to feel this magic feeling. Remember the moment of your highest triumph, postpone mentally into it, feel the condition of pride, euphoria, delight, which then experienced, "soak" them. You got then, it turns out now! You can practice meditation. There are several ways. Sit in Turkish, relax, straighten your back. Imagine that you permeates the beam of confidence, it fills every cage of your body with the strength and energy required to perform the conceived. Some practiced art therapy - imagine how your confidence may look. This can be anything: an abstract object, plant, beast, magical creature, superhero. The main thing is that, looking at him, you felt that fears and doubts retreat away. It is useful to control your "internal dialogue", tracking negative thoughts. Ask myself a question: What evidence can I bring in favor of this approval? And I assure: remembering some negative experience, you will immediately find both counterproofs, you will understand that there is no reason for alarm a lot of grounds. The main thing is to refine your attention. Self-confident people do not focus on their own misses and failures. Not mistaken one who does nothing. A negative experience can become a starting point to adjust the behavior model, change the motivation. In general, in any difficult situation, ask yourself the question: "What would I do confident in my place?"
Take a pate from the shelves!
We read the insecure in itself at once: a harsh stabbing speech, a running look, cut-off shoulders, as if under the severity of everyday adversity and troubles. Try to master the body language: straighten your back, straighten your shoulders, go beyond a step, lift your head from the ground. Meet people a friendly smile and strong handshake - you will feel how the attitude to you will change. And then the consciousness is adjusted for a new image.
People with low self-esteem, as a rule, internally do not like and do not respect themselves. "I'll do", "and so comes out," "I can't afford it," "Yes, who I don't even have to arise in your head. And if they came, chase them away. You are a person, unique creating nature and worthy of the best. Let you do not yet acquire yourself a yacht, a personal aircraft or spend the weekend in the most luxurious hotel of Paris, concentrate on what you can afford: see your favorite movie, walk around the city, eat ice cream, buy something small, but pleasant - please yourself everyday.
How do trainers work? For the executed team, they award the beast by a piece of sugar. Every day we do something and achieve the result. Removed apartment? Made a report? Signed in the gym and went there? Praise yourself for this and reward, and immediately! Our brain is arranged so cherry that if the reward does not come immediately, he does not associate it with a successful result. That is, you may understand the mind that the purchase of a beautiful expensive dress and a trip to the rest of the border happened because you have worked hard and hard, but there are no reinforcements at the level of feelings and emotions. So there is no feeling of victory, and does not grow with our confidence. Even if it passed an hour, there is already a gap between the achievement of the result and the reward received. So it is better to determine in advance what "pupbry" you will reward yourself. Perhaps it will be a call to your beloved person, an hour of time dedicated to myself, coffee with chocolate - even just praised to the address for yourself.
Praise yourself for any, even the smallest, achievements and reward, and immediately!
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Small chambers
One of my friend was panicly afraid to meet a girl. Moreover, it is witty and easily flirting in social networks, but as soon as it reached the meetings in real life, just the gift of speech was losing. A couple of times the guy simply fled to the designated dates. Now, in the era of the Zasille Gadgets, it is not easy for us to open up to an unfamiliar person, but you will not build a personal life in the phone. Start gradually practicing others. Smile to the cashier in the supermarket, exchange a pair of phrases with a waiter in a cafe, discuss something with a neighbor on the site. You may first feel some discomfort, but the more practice, the easier it will go.
In general, nothing strengthens our self-confidence, as a way out of the comfort zone. For example, I until recently did not know how to skate. There was a couple of experiments in childhood, but since then so many years have passed ... I envied my friends who laid out on their pages photos and video on the rink. But he he himself shy - I was afraid that I would look awkwardly and ridiculous. And now last winter, taking the younger child of my husband, we went there all together. It turned out that I was completely in vain, I deprived myself such pleasure - to slide on the ice. The body some incomprehensible way remembered the skills received, and I rolled quite well, did not even fall. I think, if I'm still jumped with a parachute, I will not frighten anything in this life.
Try the new and expand the range of your own capabilities. An interesting hobby, from which you get pleasure and joy will add and confident in yourself, and will help switch. It is useful at first to keep a diary, fixing your little victories and achievements. And then it will not be superfluous. Each new day start with the desired affirmation, allowing you to tune in to the positive way. Decide problems as they arrive and do not try to predict the future (especially in dark colors).
Believe everything is easier, remember that no one is perfect, and a person successful in one thing can be a bargan in another field. There is nothing terrible in this - do not know something and do not be able to. In infancy, we did not know how to walk and talk - learned the same! It is quite natural to make mistakes - when we recognize it, we relax, become more tolerant towards ourselves and others and as a result we get much more energy. Do not dwell on past negative experience. Error - just a way to show how to do right!
Step-by-step instruction:
First week. Very useful to keep a diary. Every day, write down at least three things for which you are grateful. It can be some small events of the day. Gradually, you will see that in fact you have many reasons for joy. Just before, for some reason you did not notice them.
Second week. Record the situations in which you felt uncertainty in your abilities and doubted. What do you think, what are the reasons for such uncertainty? By the end of the week you will understand what your main fears are. Think how you can cope with them, which is changed.
Third week. Write down what you did to overcome your alarms and fears. How do you feel? No matter how small your steps would be, it's still a victory. We gradually approach your goal. And do not be afraid to make a mistake.