I think, if you ask a question to men, what a universal means of manipulation uses a woman, the answers can be a lot. And the most popular will be "sex."
But if a similar question is to ask women, then many will come out in the opinion that this is a resentment.
Women unequivocally succeed in this art. It is difficult for female resentment to resist, especially when this feeling demonstrates brightly, with tears.
I wonder why this happens?
Resentment, this is a feeling that we learn very quickly. A great example of resentment for the child is faces and manners of his mother, grandmothers, generally surrounding. Physical-oriented therapy claims that insult is anger aimed at himself. That is, the child is angry on his loved ones, but it is dangerous to express this feeling, because the most correct will be converted to his insult, to direct them, close and remove it.
Gestalt therapy claims that the insult is anger, stopped by love. That we do not always prohibit ourselves openly angry, but only in cases where you are afraid that close and beloved people in response to an angry appeal will punish us with insulation.
Be that as it may, the resentment is one of the most popular feelings about which many people are not shy about to speak, and all the others demonstrate. In our culture, women are more likely to be offended, and men are angry. Anger is associated with activity, the cooler of its territory, but the resentment is a passive state. Women closes in themselves, planning caustic dialogues with their offenders, are eliminated from communication.
And also in our culture it is customary to behave so as not to offend. Especially the most significant women: Mom, wife.
The tendency of women to be offended, and a cultural stereotype - to behave in such a way as not to offend anyone, makes offense especially tempting feeling.
If we are offended, most of those around others will feel guilty for their actions or words. After all, it is impossible to offend! Therefore, many women use offense as their main weapon in communicating with their partner. To redeem your guilt, a man can start doing something that the woman requires, to demonstrate its special attitude towards her, give gifts, soften the timer of the conversation with her. In truth is the strongest weapon!
However, lovers can be offended to say that it is not necessary to greatly rejoice at such a culturally laid option. Resentment is a feeling that is due to the fact that we make mistaken assumptions about how another person should behave. If our expectations disagree with reality, with how another person responds and behaves, then we react to the offend. In other words, insult is a feeling that reflects us by the difference of our perception and reality. Instead of finding out another person in a truly, we drive him into the framework of their expectations and fight with the help of the insult, so that the other will stop being themselves and became the hero of our fantasy. Well, what mature person will agree to this?
Therefore, lovers can be said to say the following.
The insult, on the one hand, is a feeling, as well as many other feelings of our experiences. It is useless to fight him. Resentment arises automatically as a response to unrealized expectations.
Do not notice your offense impossible! But it is possible to explore which our unrealistic expectations that another person must us create this reaction.
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin