Tatyana Ogorodnikova - Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Founder of the Family Consultation Center Probrak, Popular Writer, author of the book "Marriage Contract, or Who IS Hu ...", which has become a real bestseller and the readable book in Russia to survey the Times newspaper. The author of the book "All about sex. 100 percent of success. Encyclopedia of sexual relationships. " Successful business woman, producer of films and musicals "ISIKA WITHES", "Mamma Mia", "Cats", as well as the mother of three beautiful daughters answers the questions of the Correspondent of Womanhit about love and marriage.
"Tatiana, I'll start with such an unexpected question: do you believe in marriage with a big difference in age?" If women are increasingly more or less clear, then a man who is much younger than the woman is perplexed. What is the difference in age in this case, so as not to suspect a car from the side?
- in marriage - I believe. In love - with huge tolerances. I believe that the young actress can fall in love without memory in his idol - an experienced and famous actor. I believe that the pride of an elderly person will be absolutely satisfied when a young girl is confessed in love. I believe that multiple love exists, but not only in such a quantity as we have. If from one hundred cases of our pairs are old - young one to recognize the present, then such statistics are more or less satisfactory. Why, you ask. Yes, because a strange pattern: for some reason the age-related husband is always a secured person. If the girl just loves pensioners, let her love in a nursing home.
The same applies to women. True, there is amendment to the level of sexual and psychological compatibility. It is believed that on the hormonal level of 25-year-old men ideally relate to women of 40-45 years. In addition, many young people do not find a common language with their peers. From here - cases of love in more mature ladies. But a huge number of professional alphofs successfully operate in this market, using the gullibility of women, as well as the insufficient number and quality of our men. As for the severity of the age for a couple, a man - a man, I would make the most of ten years. It is for marriage. And if the health, as doctors say, is absolutely anyway, the case of taste.
- You sometimes speak of your consultations about flashing moments of love, and what moments can be made long-term? That is, is it possible to produce a sense of love? And does love have any finite resource?
- Briefly reply difficult. But I will try. The first commandment is lovers, and only then - like a near one. What are you ready to live long, look good, to be fun, relaxed, calm in the shower? That's the secret! We all want for themselves the same - health, happiness, love. True, everyone's happiness is different, but it does not matter. The same you are in an idea should be desired and neighbor. And at the time of love euphoria - a hundred times more. Why people are ready to turn over the world, give the floor, get a star from the sky, wearing in hand to the coffin and so on. True, such a latitude manifests itself, as a rule, only at the beginning, in the acute period of love. Yes, because love is a hormonal imbalance, violation, illness, if you want. That is, perceive love as the norm is not at all. Norm, rather, your personal resource, when you artificially made a man with your loved ones. He accepted, tamed, came with his views - be responsible. Otherwise, why did the old man came across it? Inner conviction and self-sufficiency as a personality is the main support of long-term relationships. What is the partner, who, at the first word of comrades or girlfriends, changes the opinion about the close person? In order to artificially produce a feeling that no, it is necessary to be so spiritually strong - it's how to try to become a yoga, being in the real life of Bodybuilder.
The ultimate resource is in passion, in love, worship. This love has no finite resource. For example, parents continue to love their children at any age, dogs and cats, we love all their lives, so the worse the love between a man and a woman who found each other?
Yes, the manifestations of love over time are changing, not everyone can save their feelings until the end of days. In order not to lose love on the way to old age, you just need to stop redoing the person you love, for yourself. After all, he appeared in your life as it is - with raised by other parents, with other genes, with its own character. It should be understood that if your partner turns into another person, he will cease to be interesting to you.
- Here you say that real love is responsibility. For many, responsibility is a sense of duty. Then why a sense of guilt and debt kills a sexy desire for a man?
"Most likely, because these feelings are imposed and authoritatively lay a way out of the mouth of a woman who was once warm, tender, cheerful and beloved. After all, the difference between a man and a woman is not only in the structure of the brain and gender. Self-realization of a woman is within the home, and men outside. He goes beyond the threshold and turns into the king, respect him, they are considered to be, he is important, it is necessary. Just entered home - he is an eternal debtor and a loser. The one part of the brain is included, which blocks sexual desire: how can you want to have a woman you should always? She also will require something!
- If a man left, how a woman can save marriage, return his beloved in his family, not "getting" him?
- I do not need to save marriage. It is necessary to understand how important this person is important for you. He made a mistake or consciously decided to change his life. Today, divorce is not uncommon. Unfortunately, it's time for us to get used to the fact that men want to live a few lives. True, in women, too, sometimes it turns out. But when you have a responsibility for children on your shoulders, you will especially do not play any life, you first need to put kids on your feet, and one. Maybe this fear and material dependence - and there are reasons for the desire to "return" a husband in the family. What does love here?
But if there is love and there is an understanding that the escaped husband is - your fate, firstly, understand yourself, are you ready to forgive him and take it. Of course, the first impulse is to answer "yes." But I mean not the usual to forgive, but to forget the offense, not to make complaints, analyze my mistakes and try to change the most sophisticated to visit the children's spouse saw you loving, calm, open, changed. So that he wanted to stay with you - the one you were for him before.
- And the degree of freedom of a man? What can he, but why not? Where are the borders? How to control?
- The degree of freedom of each person determines the person himself. If it is weak and subject to the influence of the environment or copies the behavior of his idol - the degree of freedom, and rather, on the contrary, the dependence of this type is limitless. He will behave as fashionable, as their friends approve, as the boss behaves or a successful relative. Probably, this is my opinion, but I believe that no one is perfect: there are many temptations, people are weak, not having a true faith, nor the institute of punishment for the weakness of the spirit. Probably, some errors in behavior are admissible, but only do not do these errors in public, and even more so - families. It is only worth putting yourself to the place of my wife and imagine that she is at some point doing the same thing that a man will experience? And, by the way, the treason of his wife is one of the strongest shocks for men along with the loss of the mother. Believe me, women are not less stress. Just do not do in relation to a close thing that I would not like in relation to yourself. That's all the borders.
Control today easy. The Americans came up with such a popular now an iPhone, the owners of which can hear for 385 rubles, see and read everything that said, did and wrote down control. Question - Do I need? What do you want to achieve with the help of control? Find out the truth? Believe me, obsessed "controllers" will be seen in the most innocent SMS what they want to see ...
- Then maybe a man is better not to control, but give to understand what you trust and often say compliments? How often do men need to talk compliments? And in what form? Are there original ways to please your loved one?
- Male - the tool is not too thin. Elementary coarse flattering of the mouth of a woman works very well. For example, if he is fat, constantly tell him that he has lost weight, and interest how he succeeded. Boldly, write to mind, beauty, decency, generosity, high ideals and high growth, even if all this is not and in risen. Use phrases like "besides you, no one could ...". Do not forget to emphasize the sexy attractiveness of your man just for you.
And do not duty ways - love and do not forget to talk about it. And still - try to keep yourself in great shape so that he understands that you are trying to him.