When entering into relations, many girls are waiting for their prince, bringing huge flowers of flowers and leading them to the cinema will forever remain so romantic. However, practice shows: after the conquest of the heart of a woman, almost all men relax. And now, instead of dinner in the restaurant, you will find a home dinner, prepared by you. Do you know what is the difference of a person with a children's model of behavior and adequate adult? While the first one will blow on the partner and hint to him, the second will say directly about his discontent and, as the lack of desire, return the old habits, will finish with him the relationship. Supports the second category - and that is why.
Ability to evaluate "for" and "against"
Foreign psychologists of Cindy Khazan and Philip Shaiver in the late 80s popularized the theory of affection, which was previously applied to parental relations, and later developed adult partnerships. According to her, people are divided into four types: reliable, anxious-concerned, dismissive-avoiding and closed-phobic. Most often the second type is found - its representatives will be held for the last partner, whatever it is. They are not able to look at the beloved on the part, to, remove from emotions, to evaluate his positive and negative qualities. Spend a simple exercise to understand if you have such a problem. On a piece of paper, write letters A and B. Under and write out all the negative qualities of relatives who remember from childhood, and under b - positive qualities. The test is decoded as follows: under b - the image of the partner we are looking for, and under A - what we usually find. If the portrait of your partner corresponds to what, then you failed to appreciate it adequately.
Head look at the beloved by
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Lack of nonsense quarrels
The problems of most pairs are that both come up with a partner's image on the basis of its self-presentation in the first months of relations, and then cannot get rid of it. Yes, people tend to teach themselves before a familiar person until they start to trust him - after that, all the shortcomings and psychological problems are revealed. And it seems that everything would be solved simply, whether it was open and honest with him and others, but in the practice of such people a minority. Try to solve this problem yourself or with a psychologist so as not to form a partner with a false image, as a result of which it will have a trigger for each of your act, not appropriately appropriately. Meanwhile, try to adequately evaluate your beloved person and do not be kept on beautiful words and gestures, but to the root.
Ability to express your desires
Psychologists believe that parental relationships differ from adults that the child is always waiting until the parent gues his desire, and adult declares them himself. This position is controversial and many will not be understood, but it is simply explained enough. Based on the desire to get the best for myself, we reduce the likelihood of a partner with a partner that we do not estimate. So, for example, instead of the bags we need, it will buy new perfumes that have long been dusting on the shelf - this example is clearly explained. It is for breakfast to bed: a partner can do it, because it already knows that such a gesture will delight us. But the same action, made already from fear that without breakfast you will be angry without breakfast and begin to cut it, talks about an incomparable pattern of children's parent relations.
Adopting the shortcomings of the partner
People have a conflict between expectations and reality if the partner does not correspond to the ideal ideal on appearance, behavior, material condition or other characteristics. I remember: you can be happy with a person only when you fully accept it and take off the role of a parent who wants to re-educate a person and hide him in his own pattern. How you can not change the growth of the partner, exactly the same you cannot change the type of its temperament or the desire to earn capital. Do not wait until it changes - it can happen except with his domestic desire, but not exactly because of your claims. Indeed, most often, the problem in relations is not at all because of the unwashed dishes and scattered socks, but because of the general dissatisfaction with man. If you are unhappy, parted with a person and look for the type you need, but do not make it a nightmare because of your unrealized desires.
Do not try to remake partner
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The desire for ideal
If you have not been able to build any strong relationships for your life, you definitely need to deal with your problems. It is possible that your relationship pattern is avoiding. This means that you are ready to break with a person immediately, as you feel as if something went wrong. This behavior may be adequate only if you clearly understand what partner is looking for and are not ready to put up with the fact that a person has shown insincerity at the beginning of communication, and later showed his essence. Another question is if you want to part, but you cannot explain the cause of the gap - this means that you are afraid of responsibility and strong feelings, so cover them with imaginary overwhelming expectations from the partner.