Not the most frequent, but still an offensive mistake of young parents - to distribute roles in the upbringing of a child when one, for example, mom, kind and everything allows everything, and the other, dad, only punishes over misconduct and puts the rules of life in the house. Often the situation turns around even worse if parents have psychological problems: one shows aggression, and the second protects the child from her, becoming a hero for him. Explains why you need to abandon such a behavior model - there are specific reasons for it.
Stumbling stone in family relationships
You probably saw jokes in parent groups, where the child asks mom's permission to go to walk with friends, gets a refusal and turns to dad, knowing that he will definitely say "yes." You are not obligated with a partner to stick to one position on all issues of education, however, calculate the stumbling stumbling stumbling stumbling stumbling stumblingsets. "Children need to know that their parents work together as a team and want to support their best interests," says Tammy Van Hollander, family and children's therapist, in an interview with MSN. Giving different answers to the request of the child, you learn it to become a manipulator and learn to handle the correct request to the right person - it will not affect his future, as the trick will develop in it, the ability to see and lie - far from the best qualities.
Discuss your plan for upbringing with partner
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Stability and Comfort
Associate Professor of the Department of Psychology of the University of Hofstra Jeffrey J. Fro claims that the rules supported in the house supported by both parents create a feeling of comfort and stability in a child, which contributes to the establishment of confidence relations between him and parents. Another thing is when every parent has its own rules - in this case, the child is lost and feels emotional tension due to misunderstanding, as it is to act. Even worse, if you will simultaneously give it diametrically opposing tips and guides. Sooner or later, but with such behavior, the child chooses a beloved parent - who will come to whom he will ask. "This confuses the child, as he often feels guilty for choosing one of the parties, and may also be worried about the fact that one parent will quarrel with another," says Psychotherapist Van Hollander.
Creation of negative and positive gender representations
In Russia, this theory is not so popular, but in the Western world, children try to educate without biased relations and installations regarding floors. If one of the parents take the role of Angela, it provokes an exceptionally positive idea of Gender in a child, whereas his idea of the "devil" in the embodiment of another parent contributes to the formation of an exclusively negative idea of the other gender. This manifests itself at a young age when the teenager faces other people in romantic or business relationships. So the boys, the moms of which constantly scolded them, tend to not trust the girls, and on the contrary - for girls with strict fathers relative to guys. For children, it is important to have healthy, open relationships with both parents and with other imitation samples, regardless of their gender.
The child should not be a "pet" among parents
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Endless quarrels between partners
The need to always be an overseer - for homework, the fulfillment of household duties and other tasks - can force one parent to experience a feeling of resentment towards another. Everyone wants his children to love and appreciate him, but be a teacher and follow the compliance with the rules that are really important for the growth and development of the child - the task of not one, but both parents. "Parents must support each other in decisions made. Education of children is associated with difficulties, and everyone has their own style of education, "says Van Hollander. Thus, you can have contradictory rules with you, if you do not allocate time to discuss and create a single education plan.