Judging by my peers in school and today's acquaintances, there are enough. Obviously, their own parents were very poorly brought up - and they rose to such an extent weak, harsh and complex, that the only way to somehow asserted in life for them was violence against their own children. By the way, it happens not only physical and practiced it not only, and not so many fathers, how much mother. And this, I think the most harmful thing that parents can make their children.
But, on the other hand, it is impossible not to punish children. It's just extremely important to distinguish between the violence against the child and the well-deserved corporal punishment. For it is last, I practiced.
When the child marks three years (it happens earlier, it happens later, but not much) he begins the first age crisis. He realizes himself as a separate person and immediately begins to try his parents for strength. And it is at this stage that he immediately needs to be made to understand where his place is in the family hierarchy. Because otherwise, the problem will be all - they will start their parents very quickly, and the child may never end.
Several simple practical examples. The son experiments with a ceramic cat - she goes on the table, drinking a water, communicates with other little animals. He was already told that with a cat must be treated very carefully, because she is fragile and can break. That it does not need to knock or throw it. After some time, without preparing the attacks of a mad zebra, the cat is rapidly flying on the floor and breaks on a lot of small pieces. We explain to the child that he has no more ceramic cat, because the dad does not glue it, after which they are going for a broom and a scoop, sweeping fragments and disciplined in the trash can.
According to the stories, most mothers in this case "give a belt", put into the corner and make other terrible things. I do not understand why. There is no conflict as there is no reason for punishment. If the parents are so a thing of the thing, you do not need to give her to the child. If he took her himself, it means poorly removed. And in general - in most similar cases, parents must punish themselves.
Another situation. Egor spied as I turn on the gas stove. And, of course, very soon tried to repeat it. Please note: no one punishes anyone immediately. I sit so that the eyes were about on the same level, and I explain that this is impossible to do this. Some time, and, of course, he is trying to repeat the experiment. I again inform him that there are very dangerous things, which can only be adults. And I add that if he once again tries to do something like that, will receive hand. Suppose he does not want to compromise, and again he is trying to let gas in the apartment. And then I am very calm (it is extremely important!) I tell him that he did what it is forbidden, and now it will be punished for it. After that I give hand - not much, but quite sensitive.
In the described case, the "three-year crisis" does not appear in general. This is a security lesson that should be strong enough to ensure important taboos in the pediatric psyche. Then, in five years or even earlier, I myself will give him matches and scientific litter to light the plate and breed the fire. In the meantime, the fixed ban is needed and to him.
The riot for three years manifested itself in another situation. Herra really liked to indulge with light. He came to the switch and began to quickly turn on and extinguish the light. He was told several times what it was impossible to do it. But for some reason he decided that it was his inalienable right for which it was necessary to fight. As a result, he was punished and for a while refused this practice. And then he began again, and did it demonstratively in our eyes.
It was quite obvious that this is another test of parents for strength. And it is in this situation that a corporal punishment must be used correctly. For a child, in no case should not shout. If the parent raised his voice, then the child has achieved his own. And when he needs to once again asserted or simply attract attention, he will definitely make that last time it worked so well. We must completely calmly say that he again does what he was forbidden, and now he will receive on the pope. If the child does not stop the pacility, the threat must be implemented - but again calmly, cold and mechanically.
Naturally, there will be tears. Again, it is necessary to make a reservation: if these are tears of pain, it means that the child needs to be urgently sent to the grandmother for a month, and the parent fall into a psychiatric hospital for intensive therapy. All children cry, if they were given on the pope - but from the insult, and not from pain or surprise.
And when the punished child was upset, detachment, coldness and mechanics should end. Father (or mother - depending on who punished) should demonstrate that the child is the best and most beloved. In short - hug, kiss, talk a bunch of gentle words and go to do something interesting together. The misdemeanor ends with the punishment.
I do not insist that you need to raise this way - it just seems to me right. The child can not beat and at the same time can not be punished at all. In both cases, the monster can grow, which in the end will hit the parents.
And, probably, the most important thing is my observation - basically a child in two cases: when he needs the attention of his parents at any cost or when he just has nothing to do. So the main question that seems to me should decide for yourself adults, is how it is better to take a child, and not how it is better to punish it.