Psychologists are often faced with parental complaints about the fact that their Great Son or Daughter still cannot take responsibility: continues to live with her parents, although it's time to create your family, it is not interested in anything. Why is it going on, and who is to blame? Let's try to figure out.
Let's remember how it was before (relevant, if you are in 40 now): Parents went to work, children spent most of the time themselves in their yards or visiting friends. In general, parents have one life, in children - the other. In Soviet times, there was survival in priority, seeking the average worker who spent all his time for making money and finding decisions to further education children. As you yourself understand, the adults had no time to pay attention to the mental organization and psychological problems of children. It is not surprising that those children are now quite successful adults, periodically attend a psychologist, struggling with the fear of loneliness and misunderstanding, which settled in them.
Allow the child to choose a lesson for the soul
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Many still cannot forgive parents who, according to children, did not pay so much attention to them as they would like. Therefore, they raise their children under the slogan "their childhood will be different." It has its own danger here, after all, seeking to give your children what they themselves were deprived, we can easily "cross the stick" - and here the child is growing no longer happy, but spoiled attention.
No one says that it is necessary to keep Chado in rigor, but also to appear dangerously dangerous, first of all, for himself, because the infantile person will have a lot of difficulties in connection with his ideal representation of the world.
According to some psychologists, it is important to be not an ideal mother, but good. What does it mean? Explain.
Teenager will constantly wait for your help
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When a person reaches adolescent age, nature provides its separation from parents, the beginning of adult life, however, modern parents create so "greenhouse" conditions that the teenager simply does not see the point of sense. What for? Mom will always prepare, folds, strokes, will throw money. If he goes beyond the limits of the house, there will also be a terrible, unknown life, where it will be completely alone.
The only right solution in such a situation will be the creation of conditions at which your adult child wants to move himself. And we are not talking about violent methods, just let yourself be a nonideal parent: sometimes do not cook, ask for it to make your child, do not let the money if he is able to earn. Slowly it will move from the dead point, and he himself wants to separate from you.
Another problem becomes excessive stimulation, which begins with the very childhood: in pursuit of good estimates and success in various activities, parents will not be bought on generous remuneration of their own children. As a result, the child already from elementary school knows that the parent (and in the future and the spouse) will always provide, so every desire will dispire for anything. That is, trying to merge the child to accomplish, parents are doing only worse.
The child must learn to take responsibility, for example, find a job independently
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What to do? First of all, do not rush to conquer all the vertices. Give the child time to decide what is interesting for him and what would he want to do. Natural interest will give much more results, as the child will be the initiative himself. In the future, he will not have an incentive to wait for parents, for example, throw a version with work, because the habit of learning will be developed already since childhood.
You trust your children more, support their endeavors and do not impose your own unrealized desires. Only in this case the child will develop a sense of responsibility for their own life.