In the last article, we argued about why it is difficult to forgive parents in adulthood. And completely unfair to touch on such a topic, lowering its reverse side. For someone, parents are monsters, and for someone - angels, no less. Ideal, infallible, loving and beloved, the best and liberated views of them.
Being a parent itself, I can say that this is, of course, a dream. A dream so that my children never presented me "account" for my mistakes. To, looking into them, as in the mirror of his motherhood, I would say: "Everything was done correctly." Such an immature fantasy that helps slow down the power of guilt.
Modern parenthood with this feeling is very conjugate. Starting with pregnancy, the revolving side of happiness is wine, fully lying on the mother and a little - on the father. In unhealthy, upbringing, behavior, later, the worldview and actions of the child blamed the parents. So arranged society. With the development of the Internet, the topics about the guilt of mothers and fathers became top in the discussion. Comments with Hesteg, Yazhem, began to make ridiculous concerns about children, posts about children screaming in aircraft, prefering to sleep with other passengers, are gaining frantic popularity in social networks. In the eyes of society, mother is imperfect , Father is less than questions in our culture. Whatever mother does, whatever, for a certain part of society, it will be wrong and to blame for the choice of care methods for the child and its upbringing. And what remains such mothers? Less - fathers, what remains?
The child loves his parents unconditionally, but it's not necessary to use it
Photo: pixabay.com/ru.
The only spectators who do not know how should be that actually correctly are their own children. They are conquered by any parental will. What is even more sad, they love their parents, and often it does not allow them to notice the real parent misdeed or even cruelty. Parents sufficiently long time remain perfect for children. And by this, unfortunately, it is easy to start using, thereby encouraging the initial injustice of the surrounding world. Even if the mother knows that she has a full mess in her relationship, treason and lies, then in the eyes of a child, she is perfection that is doing everything to keep the family. And when a man stops making money and financially take care of the family, a child, if he is properly presenting, for some time will sympathize with the dad, because he is waiting for the work of a dream, and does not betray the soul on the unloved work.
Idealize parents for a child - this is the norm. For him, they are archangels, they personify themselves strength and power, fulfillment of all his desires and needs, especially when he is still small. The problem appears when parents begin to artificially extend the romantic attachment of the child to their authorities.
For a child, it has strong consequences. Thinking to teenage age is lined up so that it would be critical and rewarding their foundations, obtained in the parent family on birth, conquer their own authority and individual independence. But what Bunte are we talking about? How can you rebel against the ideal? After all, he is ideal. What may not arrange?
BUT Riot is necessary for a full-fledged personality formation . There can be no independent person who does not know how to defend himself, rely on his judgments and go after his truth. Normally, these skills are formed in adolescence, but are not formed at all if there is a perfect parent. In this psychological age, a person stuck and decades later begins to rebel with other authorities: his partners, bosses, husbands or wives, not at all at the address, destroy the projects and relationships created by him. All because once the perfect parent took advantage of his child's love, took it for rent in order to reduce the pressure of his own guilt. And his growing children who have already created their families behave like thirteen-year-old girls and guys, fighting for power, master themselves and undermine confidence where it is absolutely inappropriate.
Ideal parents have nothing to criticize. But the riot is necessary for the formation of the child's personality
Photo: pixabay.com/ru.
And of course, the absolute machine is repeated in the next generation. As long as someone does not begin to repulse his own guilt, be stable in the face of public stereotypes, which are much more than real values. The more parents learn to raise children, leaning on values, the less children will have to carry the goods of parental guilt, and therefore be more free in their own life and more real. Reality is far from ideal, and that it is interesting.
But What if you have "ideal" parents? Fair? Start get acquainted with you. With them nondeal. With you false, cowardly, passive, passive, coarse, dishonest, impatient, quick-tempered, ignored ... and see this amazing similarity with your parents. Even how to make it easy and shall begin that "an apple from the apple tree falls." Sometimes years leave for it, but absolutely not necessary. Empathy is unpleasant, but the only joy is a familiarity with real.