Recently, women who want to give birth to a child are often addressed to me. Most of them for 30, they took place in the profession. And now, when it seems to be ripe and ready, their kids for some reason are not treated with them.
I will not concern medical aspects why women are difficult to get pregnant or take the baby. We will look at the common psychological aspect for them. And since the soul (or rather, the psyche) and the body is interrelated, the body is given a team that for children is still too early.
So, the overall trait of most of these women is perfectionism, the desire for ideals.
Some of them are looking for the most ideal man who will become an exemplary husband and a wonderful father of their children. There are simple managers / writers / Systems (substitute on any profession) will not fit. It needs a rich, healthy, intelligent, educated, who followed, sexy, strong, psychologically mature, loving and (attention) a free man who all of this happiness with her, with this woman will want. But, on your misfortune, women with such dreams are also very clever. They argue like this: "To ensure that such a man wants a family with me, I must also match." And come to bring yourself to perfection. And the places and options for this mass: from the gym to the courses on Feng Shui, erotic massage and 30 ways to prepare sandwiches.
All this in itself is wonderful, but the fact is that in this process it is impossible to stop. The more the woman "improves", the higher the demand for a man, the less chance of taking a place next to such a woman with his living nature, and it is unrealistic to become her mother - after all, she has not yet found the most suitable children .
For those who have already decided on children with their father, another dilemma: for example, health. It should be perfect, absolute so that the children are born healthy. Such women are fond of this theme as if they want to fly into space, and not give birth to children.
Someone is healthy, but the money is a problem, seek to provide for any possible financial difficulties, run or demand from men full provision of years 100 forward.
Someone needs to give birth to a child by 30-35 years old. Because a 35th birthday without a kid is a mourning day. And 5 years before that - a neurotic chase for the social standard.
And the basis of all this is perfectionism, the desire to comply with the ideal and correct idea of itself and their lives, partnership and motherhood.
The only problem is that Maternity is an error error. Children do not correspond to any of the standards. Eat, sleep, cry, grow, are sick, they are not developing according to plan or schedule, but by their nature. But perpendicists are difficult to admit imperfections and themselves, and others, and therefore, the topic of children will be subconsciously postponed - after all, it will have to know all their own imperfections and in many matters - full of their fiasco.
There is no vaccination from it, except to learn to make mistakes, let go of control and allow yourself to be alive, not perfect. Children are the best teachers of unconditional love for themselves and loved ones. The babies don't care how much money at mom in the wallet, is she smoothly with her teeth and whether it matches ideas about the Vedic woman. They will need that mom that is.
By the way, perfection systems can suspect the cramole call in this article to throw themselves and their development. But it is not. The task is only to consider it critical to the standards that you strive to achieve to finally become a mother. Perhaps you yourself have a bear service and only remove the cherished motherhood.
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin