Correct, each mom at some moments of his contact with the child, and almost any age, asks for such a question.
This article inspired a number of applications of our readers, because we summarize the general reflections on this topic. What is suitable for introducing in your own life - take!
The first and, perhaps, the main thing. The basis of such a question is the conviction that you are angry and lying on a child - this is something wrong, even unacceptable. And how would it love him to pass angry feelings in a relationship with him.
And let's set another angle, in which anger will cease to be such a "terrible" emotion.
With colleagues, we often talk to our customers that people show their anger only to those who trust. Only to those who are able to withstand and accept it. Others who are not capable of it, we regret control, excessively care. Anything, just not to be angry openly!
With this scenario, a child who demonstrates anger is worthy of communication at the level of the eye of the interlocutor. This is not a small, weak and toddler kid. This is an adult person, which is able to withstand the boiler's energy of his parent.
Of course, I am not talking about all the ways of his expression. We are talking about the screams of parents, about cut, sometimes excessive, communicating with the child without mitigating and explanation. But definitely not about physical expression or insult. This material is for a separate article. With this situation, the adult remains adults only nominally, without cope with its feelings, requires a child of this level of ownership by itself, which himself cannot provide.
Find the right way out for your wrath - and the child will become calmer
Photo: pixabay.com/ru.
You will probably ask how to generate something else, besides anger and irritation to the child? This is the second important point. The parent fights his anger, which is why it enhances and takes up all the space. This is the dynamics of any feeling with which it is difficult for us to cope. The stronger we run from the shadows, the faster it catchies. So it's time to exhale and allow yourself any feelings, since their "shelf life" is a few minutes, provided that their owner does not fight with their feelings.
Well, finally, the third important point. Family, like a vacuum, does not tolerate emptiness and imbalance. When someone has a compromise policy in the family, the other takes the role of the rebellion and the provocateur. There is a chance that the child becomes difficult and uncontrollable, behaves the smoke, looking at how his parents are carrying there, where you need to defend yourself. And it is possible to help this only by expanding personal responsibility and charisma. Start expressing anger, and under this it is worth understanding the power, strength, charisma, in the direction of your projects, tasks. Sometimes just addressed to the husband or wife, sometimes to build borders with relatives or at work. And then miracles will not make himself wait. Children will be calmer, removing with themselves a nose of family imbalance.
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin