The main problem with which I come across the work on emotional nutrition is an unconscious, obsessive and viscous behavior of people manifested in relations with food. This topic is deep and interesting, full of pitfalls and obstacles, therefore it is simply impossible to split it by resorting only to one psychological theory. At the heart of this involvement, "wovenness" in the food is suffering in the most incredible manifestations. Obsessive consumers are unhappy.
Successful pain
It is only a little bit to sink the mask of integrity, external success, irresistible beauty, wealth, independence and even desperate originality, as a carefully masked pain shines loudly and indecent. The prevalence of this infection under the name "suffering" has extraordinary scope. Look around. Look in the mirror, and you will certainly discover her traces.
The need for love is our basic firmware, and it is because of it we are so vulnerable. Love manipulates people from which we depend. Later, we, talented students, apply the same manipulations in a more improved form to those who depend on us. A lot of excellent books are written about the nature of such games. Take, for example, a "manipulator manipulator" of the shostome, or "People who play games and games in which people play" E. Bern.
Outlusion disguises emotional despair. It is generated by the feeling that in my life at a difficult moment there is no one for me. I am alone and need support. I need love, participation, care, which I organically lack.
It is imperceptibly for yourself, in pursuit of love we become desperate and distinguished from ourselves. Survive how we can. Someone is throwing money to make money, someone rapes or reworking her body, someone runs on shopping, desiccated from the counters everything. And someone hunt for partners for love relationships, well, or just for sex. If such ways to replenish love do not work, you can resort to alcohol, drugs, gambling or, in the end, sick with incurable disease! There are many ways, but we will dwell today on desperate food.
Why food? Yes, because this is the easiest tool serving instant satisfaction. The food was available when we lacked the parents near. The food did not get up and did not leave us, as the father did. Food did not hurt grief and trouble. Did not say "no." Did not beat. The food was not drunk. It has always been available, even if it was scarce and limited. She was tasty. Warmed when we frowned, cooled in the heat. The food has turned into a close friend, which is always near. She most likely became similar to the love that we were usually lacking. However, the food did not become a full replacement. She remained surrogate, which is not capable of quenching the real famous hunger.
Sweetie not crying
Mila, like her name, rather Milovoid. It is complete for its set, and in her elegant handbag there are always sweets, chocolate, exquisite cookie or waffelka. She looks at a common table that we gathered to refraart bread, and disappointed with their hands - "Absolutely no one guessed to bring something nice-sweet." Mila is rich, she has an elite profession, husband and adults independent children. But at that moment she looks like a confused little girl. The origins of her disappointment, confusion and the oppression of the lower lip lie in the forgotten childhood. When her handsome father suddenly died, and they were left alone with their grief with their grief from the young and full of broken hopes. Since then, sweets have appeared in their lives. A lot of sweets. It was impossible to cry and sadly: the mouth stood up with another candy. Today, no one forbids crying and expressing full sadness - it makes her herself, being an adult woman. Stored sweets in the bag soothe the anxiety of a matured girl. In case, if it becomes sad. And sad now she is all the time, especially since the children rose and left the house. And the situation unconsciously points out long-term memories of the late loss of the most native and beloved person - Pope.
The obsessive consumers are so accustomed to use food as love surrogate, which is no longer able to determine what exactly needs. We did not like in childhood exactly as we needed. And being adults, we are not able to recognize and compensate for the deficit of love. "Pizza is the only love triangle that I need now," the obsessive consumers will tell you. In their own way they are right. But such thinking and behavior is completely not effective in the long run.
My friend, Pole, funny magnificent charming woman. I look at her and admire: her mouth is constantly moving in a bizarre chewing dance. She eats all the time. All. Even our first acquaintance was: "Hi, my name is Agniška. Very nice. Do you have anything to eat? " By profession, she is a psychotherapist. Talks about his childhood and about relationship with mom. For example, Mom tells her: "Throw everything, go there are pasta." She is: "But I don't want to eat pasta, I now want to draw!" Mom, without even moving with an eyebrow: "You want pasta. I know better!" Agneshka for 40 years. Mom continues to communicate in the usual manner, albeit alone and in another country. She is completely alone, lives in a tiny removable apartment in Jerusalem, trying to earn homemade decorations. Food is the only thing that in her life is invariably present. And she, of course, dreams of losing weight.
What do our dimensions depend on?
The obsessive food behavior is a manifestation of deeply rooted belief that "we are not good enough to love us as we are."
Another example. Female 45 years old. It is so thin that when it appears a terrible feeling. Not even thinness itself, but the overall emission and doomed in the appearance. She almost ceased to eat and so existed for several years, since her husband left her. She never knew how to cook. The husband in her life was those who bought, prepared and fed. In principle, she changed her parental care for her husband's care. So accustomed to the way that being from a broken trough, she remained without a source of love in all its manifestations. Children grew up and live separately. She is alone, leads yoga classes. For her, go to the supermarket, take the cart, choose food, pay for it, bring home and cook, standing at the slab is an unbearable spiritual work. I cite this example is not for laughter. She really suffers. And in its own way it is right, it can be understood. If food is love, there is no love in her life. And no matter how many years old, if we really did not learn to take care of yourself.
The suffering is based on deep beliefs that do not give us to go beyond their usual ideas about themselves. That's not suspect, we live a foreign life on someone else's scenario. In this state, even if someone and love us truly, we involuntarily push it, because this unplanned love will surely prevent our usual sacrificial self-esteem.
The dimensions of our body depends on the available beliefs about love, about their value, about our opportunities. After all, those who resort to food, as to save from suffering and loneliness, at the same time dream of losing weight, change and destroy part of their "extra" body and are confident that they are able to change something in life. But such attempts suffer fiasco. It is impossible to abandon emotionally determined nutrition without deepening to the pain, from which escape is performed by eating.
As long as we do not open, which is behind obsessive food behavior, no serious changes in life can be speech. Wishing to change their body nice would be to figure out what made it so! Get acquainted with your body, learn about his calls and gain skills to listen to him. And then, finally, take his real needs. Our body is unique in that it has its own mind. It adjusts to thinking and self-esteem almost instantly.
This article will certainly leave you disappointed, because it will not be completed by traditional 10 points with guarantees (in the case of unquestioned and diligent execution) finally achieve enlightenment and earn a happy conflictitude. With all the empathy to seek to live smoothly and conflict, personally, with such a scenario, there is a rather association with the cemetery void. I believe that life is rather a cuddy fascinating adventure. Maya Plesetskaya voiced a simple form of preservation of the form - "Do not eat." Want to stop cracking? Wake up for life! Bear yourself. Return your life. Get caught firmly on your whining and pity. I do not say that you need to abandon these strategies. They just outlived themselves for a long time and would not give anything new to you! It's time to amaze yourself. Try yourself in a variety of spheres. Roll out the fridge in the end. Constructively and creatively express aggression at the address, and not inside your body. Manifest, instead of hiding. And there, you look, the food will be just a meal, which is actually it is.
EV Hazin is a psychologist, an art therapist, a specialist in nutritional psychology. Leading personal growth trainings in the Mary Hazin Training Center