The center of "Sisters" was founded in 1994 by a group of women who realized that people who survived violence need specific professional and psychological support. The head of the center of Mokhova Maria is responsible for questions.
- Maria, what is the main task of your center, what does it do, can you formulate?
- The main task of the center is help to people who survived sexual violence. We want the victims to regain the faith in their strength, dignity, began to manage their lives again. Center specialists provide free and anonymous assistance to people, regardless of their gender, age, social position, religion. We have support groups, psychologist, lawyer, social assistance, educational programs.
- Tell me why still a woman living with the rapist and home-made tyrant, suffers for many years of violence? Maybe this is due to the psyche or the subconscious desire of a woman obey a man?
- You see, it is impossible to answer it clearly to this question, but I will try to give examples. For example, there are families who, after the divorce, continue to live together in the same apartment, because there is no possibility to disperse, but no one beats anyone. So people are bred by intelligent and civilized people, who have any speech about any violence and family tyranny. But there are cases when it comes late at night a drunken husband and begins to beat his wife, and small children sleep in the next room. The question arises: "Where to run?" She resorts to the police to write a statement to her husband, and they say to her: "Eka Nevidal. Husband hits his wife. That's when killing - come. " And she takes a statement, leaves, silently swallowing tears, because it is forced to somehow live, bring up children. Because Mom says: "Well, what to do a daughter, you have to endure. You have a family, you took a mortgage, and he earns one normally, and if you stay alone with children, you will not survive. " Therefore, the question, whether everything is in order with the head in women who endure violence, is not appropriate here.
- How to be in this situation. What woman needs to do?
- Very many women, surviving the first time act of aggression, are looking for the reason why she is to blame. And this analysis is engaged in all: and her parents, and parents of her husband. Everyone is involved in the process of what she should do to make her husband no longer beat. And every time she thinks that he will not get it today, because she removed the apartment, prepared dinner, put to sleep in time. But it happens like in that joke: "Wife, turn on the light, the wife turns off the light. Do you serve some signals? " The point is not what kind of psyche has, but that the rapist is constantly achieving power and control in his family. While we will not understand that changing the victim, we do not change the rapist, nothing to change. A woman should understand that no matter how she behaved, the husband will seek her submission to any way. If she does not come on time to specialists, no one can help her.
- What does your center do for such women?
- The whole world is discussing the question of why the victim should leave home. You need to take a rapist and work with it. And then, according to the results of work, decide whether to return it back to the family or not. And we often run away victims with children, because the rapists are responsible tenants, and the wife sits with a small child and she has no money to rent accommodation.
But it is not necessary to forget that we have 16 thousand women who sit in a Perm prison for killing their husbands and cohabitants. American journalists who visited these prisons, heard personal grave stories from the mouths of women. A large number of women who hide their beatings from doctors and suffer humiliation, prefer crippled and hide, because it's embarrassed, inconvenient because of publicity in front of neighbors, colleagues. And then, when the strength tolerate no longer remains, women are enough for knives, axes, cast-iron pans and kill their faithful.
And it was necessary to go in time to crisis centers, write statements to the police, contact public organizations, work with psychologists, because homemade and sexual violence is a behavior system that develops long. And it is important that the woman understands what system she lives in. If you are beaten, totally control, rape, humiliate, it is important to step up the stereotype and understand that this is not a removal of the sara of the hut, but the situation in which you need to urgently ask for help! And the longer this situation will develop, the stronger the next act of violence will be.
- Do you work with children in such families?
- All children who survived and seeing domestic violence, no doubt, need help. These are engaged in our qualified psychologists. When they are 10-12 years old, they are very actively solidar with her mother, which was beaten, they regret it, they talk about their love. In 14-15 years, the boys are already trying to confront the father, and by 18 years they adopt the Pope stereotype and the same attitude, where the man constantly hits a woman. Also, many children have a desire to grow rather and take revenge on their fathers for mom, for their humiliation. Their behavior needs to be corrected and, speaking of the protection of children, you need to start acting in this direction. Often, without having received assistance, the victim can get a distortion of the person, which will lead it to the path of offenses. A small person is not able to cope with stress, which collapsed on him.
- Young girls often do not understand who is who, in favor of love with passion, do not distinguish jealousy from future tyranny and close their eyes to many shortcomings of men. Give advice, how not to tie your life with Tyran?
- For young girls there is such a special test: they defined who your guy. Will he continue to seek you? Whether you want to continue to live with a person who is used to solve problems with fists. If the pathological jealousy began, unreasonable anger at different times before you got married, he raised his hand, it is unambiguously with such a person it is impossible to connect fate. It is said that after a quarrel a good sex. But when your teeth are knocked out, the ribs are broken, damage the hair, believe me, you will not be up to sex. Then he will begin to beat you in front of the children, breaking them their lives. Once the rapist is forever the rapist.