Ajulter, treason of a partner - an extremely unpleasant event, but rather common, especially in our days and in a society, which is less and less in the norms of traditional morality.
But not only society changes, and our attitude towards treason is changing: now it is not so much the evidence of viciousness, not a crime, but an indicator of the presence of problems in a pair.
In addition, many people, changing the partner, sincerely regrets this act and wish as soon as possible reconciliation, restoring confidence. The latter is especially important. After all, the scandal is not so terrible as lost confidence. If the partner does not trust you anymore, does not see a reliable satellite into you, this is the first step towards the end of the relationship.
Is it possible to return the confidence of the partner after the treason?
It is important to understand that not only the partner who changed should think, "How can I start trusting again?", Namely, it is worth it to make a maximum of effort, involvement and tact to try to bring the partner's trust. Of course, if the relationship does represent the value and treason - the episode.
Very often, psychologists advise a couple who collided with the treason of one or both partners, sit down and speak all the problems, find out the causes of such a act. This, of course, is very necessary and the right advice, but it is necessary to understand that only people with superate thinking and look at life, with "iron nerves" are capable of immediately begin to such a discussion of problems resembling a psychological seminar. Most people react to a completely different way: first - shock, amazement, and then aggression, revenge, ignoring. Some urgently run to change themselves, so that it was not hurt. ", Others are screaming or even beat, others ignore or" leaving for mom. " This is also a completely natural reaction. But then the question arises: how to live on.
Psychologist Alena Al-Ace
And here it is advisable to move step by step, if the couple still decided not to part.
First step to restoring confidence - Recognition of the fact of treason and the refusal of a completely wrong line to exhibit a second partner to guilty in this treason. We admit, many sick with it, they defend, attacking than clog the nail into the lid of the relationship. You can say that there really were problems, but you can not blame the second partner in the fact that it was he or his behavior that caused treason. Couple history will help, successfully survived by this traumatic experience.
Next stage - Lining such a line of behavior so that the partner begins to trust you again. It is worth showing increased attention, exclude "delays at work", for some time - and meetings with friends or friends, in general - any actions that show the absence of sincere regret about their misconduct.
At the same time, it is not necessary to manitate to humiliate before the second partner, ask for forgiveness on the knees and the like. It will not help to restore trust, but rather will show you a cynical person, an artist who is capable of any gestures, just to achieve the desired.
A good attitude can cure any wounds. And so you have to forget about the complaints about the partner about the small earnings or not washed utensils. Try to demonstrate maximum attention, maximum loyalty, make more good things, but in order not to impress the banal attempt to pay off: they say, on you an iPhone, and finish talking about it. Such an approach is effective only if your partner initially allows you to close your eyes on treason in exchange for other benefits - money, good sex, social situation, and so on.
It is also very important to show that the person with whom Treason occurred does not mean anything, he only appeared from nowhere and went anywhere. The most important proof of this will be a complete gap with this person, and you must demonstrate readiness and quit from work, and even change the place of residence if your second partner doubts that the meetings stopped.
And something else: yes, treason can happen in the life of everyone, and only your decision is to forgive or cross out a person from your life.
If in your picture of the world of the world is absolutely unacceptable, you are experiencing a strong emotional pain and not approached for an approach, even with time, do not suffer yourself. Because it is sometimes easier to overcome after parting than all the time to live in pain from betrayal (if treason for you is about betrayal).