To be a mother in our time is the norm. Moreover, when, for various reasons, motherhood is late or does not occur at all, little woman will be able to avoid sympathizing views and referred that "something is wrong with her". Being a mother is right and worthy. At the same time, motherhood is only part of the realization of a woman. The world is changing, and more and more women are aware that Maternity is a huge, but not an exhaustive part of life, which is not able to compensate for its other parties. Even on the contrary, the more the woman runs away from himself into motherhood, the more her children pay for this immaturity. Examples of that mass: for the failures of the mother in education, sports, creativity from morning to night, fade in mugs, schools and institutions. All with a great sense of guilt and non-payment they grow up in mothers who have declared the upbringing of children the only meaning of their existence.
But sooner or later, children grow up and leave their parents, this is a normal natural process. Then parents, and the mother are more experiencing a crisis called "abandoned nest syndrome". This is the stage when parents detect the powerful collapse of their identity called "I Mom". And if I'm not a mother, as you used to count for many years, then who am I then? If a woman determined itself through motherhood, subordinate his life to a certain meaning and goals, when it became secondary, how to build and define life now? The most powerful and most interesting question. About this dream of our today's heroine:
"We are with my adult daughter in another country, traveling by bus with a group. Suddenly, a family comes to the group with a small child, asking me to sit with him. The kid is the same age of my grandson, I gladly looked after him. Finally, his parents came, took the baby, I began to look for my group, my daughter, but I can't find anyone. I understand that they went to the airport, pass registration to return home. I need to find them, catch up. I'm trying to stop the car, but no one stops, only scolding me from the windows of passing cars. I run along the highway, somehow completely confused, I understand that I am late for a flight catastrophically, I do not have time. Darks, it becomes very scary, and no one who can bring me to return home. "
The dream of our dreams speaks with her about how to easily jump into the role of "mammies." This pleasure is to be next to the little. He loves just like that, no need to portray someone and try to become better. Child, especially small - this is a little man without much expectations from you. The main thing is beside and cared. Therefore, it is so easy to delete all other areas of life and to totally devote yourself to children. However, the dream of a dream is not about this pleasure. It demonstrates that this period is configured. What to be a mom and be a grandmother, as in her case, is part of life. Fasciating this, you can get lost and not to return home, that is, to yourself, to your goals, plans, tasks. Sleep pushes it to cling to themselves more, and not for the role of grandmother. To cling to yourself is also able to insist on your own, even when those surrounding look at this with reproach. For example, to go, when adult children ask to sit with grandchildren. Perhaps to pay the time to the suede from time to the dreams, which were postponed in a long box: to afford to travel, meet friends, do a favorite hobby or even get a new profession.
By the way, no one said that it would be vaccinated from devastation about the fact that the children grew up and left the parental home, they call their children and rarely call. But the clearer to the mature woman of her life tasks, the stronger it is capable of holding themselves, the less she will have to be crushed about that someone is not there.
I wonder what you dream? Send your dreams and questions by mail [email protected].
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin