Rules are a necessary category for any science. Without them, as well as without exception, we would not be able to learn your native language, comprehend the law of global gravity and find out why the wind can both blend and peel the roast flame. Do there exist rules in ... love? After all, she, as the hero of Pushkin, Evgeny Onegin, can be considered a "science of passion gentle". Are they needed where emotions always ruined, and the mind was silent? What rules should be guided, and what - to forget forever? And whether they are able to extend the age of our romantic unions? We are trying to figure out.
We only hear: "Eternal love, we were true to her ...", "Love lives three years!" - These and other statements on one of the most important social topics do not cease today. It may seem a little naive and even stupid to argue about ideal long-term love relations in our age, when conventions and prohibits are forgotten, and the so-called date for one night is not considered something terrifying. But scientists who attempt to receive a chemical formula of love at one time brought us the good news - she, eternal, exists! Now it remains to understand how to make your union to become exactly the way about which you can say "and they lived long and happily."
Adorable time
Every time we enter into a charming romantic season of bouquets, candies and, of course, pink glasses, we hope that this time is the same, and this partner is a satellite of life. Here they have their own laws and rules that subsequently create many problems. The main "harmful council", which we absorb with the mother's milk - show yourself from the best side. It would seem that bad is to demonstrate its strengths to potential lover? Many, unfortunately, do not see the difference between to surprise the partner with their attractive character traits, and a frank game in conditionally good. You do not like to cook, but say that you love, you are a fundamental vegetarian, but squeeze about it, you do not plan to have children, but pretend that they did not hear the question. Understand where this path will lead you? And if you and your worker decided to play an ideal person?
There is such a thing as frustration of the sixth month. It is by the end of the first half a year of relations that people begin to reset the masks, the charter seems to seem to whom they are not. And already from the pussy housewife, the bolded party is rushing, and from the employing house - a frivolous hearty. Of course, you (and your partner, if you also played this game with variables) in shock: Where is the one who sat in front of you for a refined dessert and reasoned about postmodernists? The feeling of disappointment, the feeling that you were deceived, misunderstanding that further - a huge percentage of steam faces this in the first year of relationship. An even more terrifying perspective is that many remain in such unions, continuing to betray their nature and deceive (otherwise you can not say) of your partner.
Universal rules for millions of different pairs is very small, but they are
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What to do to not get into this very familiar trap? The rule that stuffed asking, it sounds simple: be yourself. Of course, it is much simpler than to do, because we will introduce clear instructions. Do not do anything, even in trifles and very little. Do not embellish and do not julit. If you do not want to answer a direct question, so tell me. Do not look like solidarity with a person to enjoy him. If his views and installations are unpleasantly surprised you on the first date, it is unlikely that something will change later. Love argue - argue, love wine - order wine, not water. Doubt whether it is worth talking to serious topics on the first date? You will always have the opportunity to discuss everything on the second, but time in our age is the most valuable resource, so why spend it into Chinese ceremonies?
Many are so accustomed to walking in a mask, afraid to show themselves to the present, which can not cope with the rule of being. If you are of these, think and imagine what happens if you are prompted before a new acquaintance as you are. Do not believe, but the most "terrible" outcome - you just no longer see this person. Bed, isn't it?
Separately, I would like to mention such an important event as familiarity with parents and friends of one. Here the rule is exactly the same. Do not try to see the Pai-girl or a good boy. Be an extremely polite version of yourself - and everything will work out.
And in sorrow and in joy
The initial period of relationships is an important, laying basis of your union, but even if it happened so that after six months of love it turned out that there was a stranger next to you, everything could be fixed. First of all, try to learn this stranger closer. Look at it, listen, think about it in his words, understand its real desires and principles. It is quite possible, you are lucky, and after the masks are reset, you will be the one who absolutely suits you. In this case, your two will have a great chance to be together. Imagine that you have a time machine, play the first date, but already according to the rules told above - try to be yourself and only yourself.
If the time put everything in its place and you did not see the "one", and the person's unpleasant to you, you should not cling to the status of "in relationships" and regret the lost months. The sooner you leave this union, the more health (and mental, and physical) you will save.
So, you are together, the first passions lay down, but the joint life has not yet managed to lie the cargo on your shoulders. You are a stable couple in love, which is ahead of the years and years. So that they are light, joyful - those that you want to repeat, for which it does not hurt and not hurt, you will have to work. Even if you with your partner coincided as two half of one whole, it does not mean that your coincidence guarantees you life in style long and happily without much effort.
Strictly speaking, universal rules for millions of different pairs are very small, but they are. And the first here is trust. It is not only about the confidence that your partner will not change you. In the end, some couples deny the importance of physical treason, they live in open marriages and at the same time happy. Trust in the partner is confidence that it will be nearby in the most difficult and important moments of your life, will be on your side, to act in your joint interests. Forget about the saying "Trust, but check." Checks, tests, provocations - a proven reason to ruin the most tender and stable relationship. Follow the rule "Not caught - not a thief." Live as if next to you your most reliable and devoted ally, because if you are not mistaken at the initial stage of relationship, it is. Love generates love, and the same can be said about trust. Love without trust is also vain as confidence without love.
Love generates love, and the same can be said about trust
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The second universal rule comes from the first. All problems, conflicts and questions regarding your union, discuss each other. You are a reliable rear for each other, and you should not make family difficulties on the agenda when you are going with girlfriends for a bachelorette party. Of course, a pretty chatter about the wives or secrets about the husbands - the eternal genre of sitting with close friends, but you should not give out the secrets about each other, complain or scold your half. What you hold back in the presence of friends is a sign of respect and the adjusted contact between you and your spouse. After all, if you can discuss all sick topics and problematic questions with a partner, why do it with someone else?
The boundaries and their strict adherence is also a "daughter" confidence. No matter how you love each other, no matter how you merge your souls, remember that you and your chosen one are different people who are not destined to each other, but made a conscious choice to be together. And you can make the same conscious choice of parting. What will you stay after breaking? Keep yourself, stand guarding your interests and principles - without love for yourself, as we remember, the love of neighbor is impossible.
It is simply necessary to remember about your interests, but without compromises in relations nowhere. Determine for yourself the principal and non-reconnaissance moments relating to your life. It does not twist the lid of the toothpaste - is it important, does it undermine your life dwellings and faith in humanity? Or does this little drawback do not deserve your attention? The art of a compromise is important to distinguish from the affected, from pathological patience where it is not necessary, to stand up for self. Only when you simultaneously go to each other, it is possible to save and multiply what exists between you.
The rule relating to the quarrel is simply and understandable - when you in the heat of the conflict you want more to touch your partner, wander yourself and remember that you are on one side that in front of you is not an enemy, and your favorite person with whom you are easy to argue, let and let and About important things. The skirmish will pass, but the words spoken in anger, I can remember for a long time and spoil your union's atmosphere.
One of the most important rules is to invest in your family. We always stand for healthy egoism, but we urge you to remember both a common matter that cannot exist without your participation.
I'm left to her right
Eternal love exists - this is a fact proven by psychologists. In our brain there are plots capable of stimulating love in the same person for years. This means that you can re-open a partner, and no three years, during which the fire of passion will be allegedly faded, you are not terrible. But it happens that human paths disagree. In our society, divorce is no longer considered something shameful for a woman. And that's fine! We should not keep sick relations for the very fact, and free to make a choice. It seems that only in such conditions may be the appearance of steam, which will be together until the oldest - voluntarily, because these are their mutual desire, and not the pressure of external circumstances.
Three rules:
1. Honesty. The most important condition for happiness and harmony both in the style of solo and in the Union is honesty, first of all in relation to itself. Without this ingredient, I won't get a love drink. 2. loyalty. And to whom, by the way, or what should we keep faithful to the relationship to and develop? To yourself, with your principles, your desires, as well as your common ideals, dreams and plans. 3. Freedom. Without the feeling of his own "I", respect and love for yourself it is difficult to imagine respect and love for another. Appreciate and guard your freedom, because it is the key to your tranquility, self-confidence and stability.
But back to the situation when love passes, interests and desires change, and you understand that your union is on the verge of decay. To preserve the human face, health and stay in normal relations with a partner, you also need to adhere to some rules. Be honest and decisive. It is impossible to pull with parting due to pity - in the end, a little like it, when they are regret instead of love. You should not try to hurt your chosen one, talking finally offended words, talk about resentment. Now it is no longer important, and the time of conversations left. Be kind and restrained.
Love, happiness to be near - this is the result not so much of a successful circumstance, how much work, work on yourself and relationships. Bentily, but how true! Simple truths - about sympathy, confidence, about personal borders - here it is, the secret, helping the emergence and strengthening of an eternal strong feeling.
How to quarrel
Conflicts are part of the relationship to which you should not get used, but you need to be ready for it. They can become a kind of growth point, but only if you know how to quarrel.
So: communicate with I-messages. At the time of the conflict, speak exclusively about your feelings and experiences, starting suggestions from the words "I think ...", "I feel ...", "I think ..." So you will broadcast your partner's perception of the situation, and attacks and accusations will be lost from statements.
Change "You offended me" on "I was very offended when I saw that you ..." - a man who hears the second version of the phrase, does not feel aggression. Do not go to personality, do not play the game "And you ..."