From the letter readers Womanhit:
"Good afternoon, Maria!
I want to consult about my relationship with my mother. I am married, and it so happened that at the beginning we and my husband lived in the same apartment with my mom. As can be seen, during this time she is used to us. She prepared for us all, cleaned, and in general, much for us did. Now we have the opportunity to live separately, and we dispersed. And mom in habit, probably continues to take care of us. Constantly comes, brings food, buys something to home. It seems to be everything from a pure heart. And it seems she wishes only good. But it began to strain it, because I still - hostess in my house! There was some kind of "kitchen jealousy": where is your mother found a plate, which is better than me? When I tell her about it, she is offended. It is unpleasant to me, but I do not want to upset it. I do not understand how to behave with her?
Inna, Ramenkoe. "
Hello!
You touched upon the problem relevant to many. This is the problem of human personal boundaries. I mean the borders denoting the personal space of everyone. It is not only about the living space, which we occupy, although this is also a very important question, but also about the psychological space of a person. Personal boundaries include our body, feelings, thoughts, opinions, needs, beliefs and desires. The invasion of foreign on the territory surrounded by them causes our discomfort.
Let we allow others to interfere in our life? Take decisions for us? How often do other people impose their point of view, and often sincerely consider that they "know better" and "act only from the most beautiful motives"? (By the way, care in this case is a very convenient loophole in someone else's space. About some people it seems that they are trying to catch up and forcibly cause good.) We answer for the definition and designation of personal boundaries. For all they are different. Some people willingly take the active participation of others in their lives, calmly let them in the most intimate corners of their lives. For others, it is uncomfortable.
In any case, the optimal psychological distance should be negotiated separately. Do not do this in a conflict situation when, in fact, there is a violation of these borders. Most likely it will cause only resistance and insult. It will be optimal to discuss everything in a neutral situation. Moreover, it is important not to accuse a person in the wrong behavior, but to talk about your own needs. Use I-statements, that is, to say: "I would like," "It would be important for me." In this case, it will be most likely to achieve agreement.