The family is a system, and, like any system, it obeys certain laws. These laws are not visible and not sensible, but their violations are very noticeable. These are begging behavioral violations from the norm, and a high level of voltage / alarm in the family, and manipulation as a form of interaction, and, as an extreme degree, somatization, i.e., psychosomatic manifestations (family members' diseases, including children).
One of the laws of the existence and functioning of systems is the law of hierarchy, the family has elder members of the genus, there are main, and there are younger.
Families are divided into:
-Nuclear (a) married couple without children; B) Mom, Dad, Child / Children)
— Extended (Nuclear family + parents of spouses and sometimes including parents of parents).
As a rule, children are most often manipulated in an extended family, although it happens that in nuclear.
Why? Because in an extended family, a more tangled hierarchy level. Let's try to figure out.
As in any law, there are several provisions / articles in the hierarchy law.
1.1. The nuclear family is most importantly expanded, the exception is, if the young family contains parents.
1.2. Parents more good than children (!)
1.3. For the child, the main masses are mom and dad.
When a child manipulates the mother and grandmother (most often), this is because the adults themselves did not decide who the chief, children unmistakably read this information and use it for their own purposes.
For the child, the main - mom and dad, in their absence, parents delegate these powers to another person (grandpa / grandfather, nurse, the godfather, etc.), it is advisable to pronounce this with a child. Example: "Mom tells his son:" While I will lean to work, you will have a grandmother. For all questions contact her. In my absence she is home. " Next, on the parish, it would be good to complete the process, and also with a child. Mom Grandma: "Mom, thank you for replacing me that I sat with my son."
Thus, the child will not be confused in the head, and there will be less chances for manipulation.
Return the authority of the child is never late! Do not be afraid to tell him that adults are more important and older. Children need a clear mode of sleep and recreation, routine routing and eating.
In its development, they all the time will "try" to expand their influence and space, the task of an adult is to limit the child, otherwise the problems in society are inevitable, since the children adopt the model in the family to solve their tasks and in society. Having used to manipulate in the family, the child will unconsciously do it in the garden, and at school, and in adult life.