Womanhit reader letter:
"Hello Maria!
I even appeal to you not as a psychologist, but as a young woman to a young woman. A few months ago, I met a young man, and seemed to like each other immediately. At least he worked very beautifully for me, Got flowers, explained in love. I answered reciprocity. And, of course, as it often happens in such candidate bought periods, we have been safely scored on friends and everyday affairs. I even began to visit the gym less frequently, by the way, I practically did not happen to me with the exception of sessions and influenza in the February frosts. But, as they say, nothing is eternally under the moon - there was a tough need to return to work. In addition, I missed my friends. I am a normal, self-sufficient woman - by 34 years I have formed a bunch of habits, from which I can't refuse.
So, it turns out that he has no life. It's so strange me ... He wants to spend with me all the time. If I go with girlfriends and I do not take it with me - offended. It seems that he loves me more than I am. But this is not the case, yes? He himself as the owner leads, and it strains me. What to do, what would we both have become calmer? Olga.
Hello Olga!
I will try to answer you as a young woman, and as a psychologist :)
Immediately wanted to clarify two points. First, are you sure that he loves you more than you? More precisely, you are sure that his constant requirement of attention from you and sacrifice your interests is about love? If a person needs constant evidence if he always puts you before choosing, it testifies to his strongest fear of losing you. And this is not a manifestation of healthy love. Rather, this is a consequence of underestimated and unstable self-esteem, which leads to a neurotic need for love. Your young man is important that a devotea companion, ready for him, is ready for everything. Neurotic love obsession. The need for evidence of love in this case is excessive and insatiable. The partner must sacrifice its time, interests and values. The refusal in this case is perceived as a rejection. And most importantly - you will never be able to provide the necessary level of love, it will always be enough. Such people need external confirmation of their significance, as a rule, at the expense of others. Therefore, he is trying to take all your time. And it does not want to tolerate competitors even in the face of girlfriends, sports and shops.
Healthy love is when it is more important to love yourself than to be loved. It is important to enjoy your feeling, survive this excellent condition than try to keep the other. Then there is no place for the sense of property. In addition, on a sincere beautiful feeling, it is difficult not to answer reciprocity;)
And the second. How much do you want to change? After all, each of us is the roads to themselves, what is it, and if we are ready to change your behavior in favor of someone, then only to the extent to which you yourself want to do without breaking anything within yourself. Otherwise, it will inevitably lead to new conflicts ...