"The law on ban on smoking, in theory, could not affect me. I quit smoking many years ago. Sharply and courageously. From the eleventh or twelve times. Threw out the inconspicuous number of lighters and cigars boxes and did not think that the federal ban would pass through my house. And this call this call of my long-standing buddy did not foretellover for me supernatural.
- Speed, G Xei lawyer! I have again "light gimor on vacation." Customs first gave good, and then he took all my good. Now I want sick money. You do not want to help in cash - no need. Close the case itself. I have the day after tomorrow. Chus.
***
Tolik never was different and disgraced his Odessa origin. Once, Mom said about him that he is "Jew-thousandth." On my question, who is the "thousandth", she explained that it was "one Jew-idiot for a thousand smart." But he was a close friend, we were twenty, and I did not agree with mom, although the time has shown that she then simply made him a compliment. Tolik has long emigrated from Odessa. First to Moscow, then in Berlin. Pradedushka Tolika was a shoemaker and part-time drunkard, but really lived near the Bessarab district of Moldavian. Hence the generic nickname "CATRIESKA", turning into the family of katsmanov from generation to generation. The crown of the Cretinean-Katsmanov dynasty was my friend Anatol.
Tolik traded antique falsecake from the institute. With my. Catiesnika never really studied and generally rarely desecrated the hand of the book. I must say that it came out with him a speculation is not as bad as I would like others. A couple of times beat, however, but this Tolik attributed to advertising costs. In Germany, "anti-Semites and envious" planted once for two years, "almost never". Anatole gradually turned his dating, removed the apartment in Berlin near Kurfürstendam (Central Street), the third time divorced and married the fourth time. In short, he had more or less everything except conscience and money. One constant factor was slightly overshadowed by the existence of Odessa fuflodilera - he constantly got into some grinds that could be characterized by Cambodian term "Deep Jopa". So it was this time.
***
Tolik-Schmolica arrived late in the evening to me at the cottage directly of their airport. The story was short as the French king Pipin. Two weeks ago, Catinesca was carried to Moscow not quite a kosher product. From the twelve objects of Faberge eleven were works of modern authors, but well-made under the eggs Viktor Felixovich Vekselberg. The twelfth (and this Tolik was very proud of) was absolutely real, but slightly stolen. True, not here and not in Germany. In NYC. Last summer. For Berlin Odessa, it was a practically acquittal. Customs Two weeks ago, it can be seen, acted on the system "caught Loch - and Doi is slow," making an anti-staff business offer. Or he proves that the whole product is a bullshit, and sits down for a fake, or he proves that everything is a nature, and sits on another article. There was another third option - to give them money. But with this, when the border crossing the border, Tolik was bad, he successfully agreed to install payment and, saying the customs officers his idiotic "Chus" ("Goodbye" in German), dumped into Berlin.
In the morning the same "Fabergovaya" changed, as last time, and we went together to negotiate.
After an hour and a half, allowing customs officers to talk to me about Philip Kirkorov, Stas Mikhailov, Olga Orlova and Prigogina, I solemnly promised the guys that I would not put anyone for extortion and even take money from them. We shook our hands, Catinesca gave all his German vocabulary in the form of Cucus and Dankeshon, and we left back for the city with all the goods.
Cottages in the village of Golf Club Nakhabino stand with light heaps. Six pieces on a pile. Handing to ours, we saw a small group of neighbors and other reptiles, which hysterically giggled, looking at our porch.
From a friend for the years "Honkey", terrible maiden cries, from time to time turning into women's cries and noise of falling objects. In the country, it was clearly a terrible and bloody battle of our dishes. Who and for what he beat was not visible. The voice screamed with a Donetsk accent and was similar to the one who still belonged to the Maid Gale in the morning.
Finally, all smalklo.
"In my opinion, someone is in your house," Tolik signed.
There was nothing to do, and I, gathering with the Spirit, boldly and boldly approached the door of my own cottage to look into the keyhole. There was no one in the living room. I listened to silence and again did not find anything disturbing soul.
The first thing I rushed into my eyes and hands when we finally went to the house was Jessica. Yorkshirich, seeing the owner, instantly crystallized from under the sofa and, bending all the Olympic records in jumping for dogs, was one movement in my arms. The next dog maneuver, she tried to climb into the inner pocket of the jacket head down and calmed down. About her presence now resembled only a small shiver near the fountain pen. In the living room, pieces of dishes were lying throughout, my golf cups, sofa pillows, furniture and all clothes. The dining table was lying sideways, explicitly showing his appearance that he had just endured some kind of siege.
- Ponderhui Zeblotka (Calculate Losses), - issued an invaluable Council Anatoly, moving in the habit of tragic minutes to literary Ukrainian. "It is interesting which root of this word?" - flashed in the head. "Probably both or two," I decided, "but one of them is more important," and looked around. The picture really resembled the small pogrom in the guarded settlement. Save the gloomy-disturbing thought that the wife finally found out something, I went out on the veranda.
In the corner, spreading his hands and legs at an angle in ninety degrees, reminding the punch of the Plaks, was sitting by the disheveled maid of Ghala.
- Well, you and goodness! - I gave me a crust of the corner of the veranda and immediately began to somehow creatively snick together with the exemption dedicated to the tragedy.
The meaning of I heard was coming down to the next.
After we went to customs early, Galya had breakfast and began to clean the house. Being on the second floor, heard two Spaniards with her ears broke into the cottage and tried at first it's right at the vacuum cleaner, and then they were looking for a secret astrological forecast for the next month around the house. Spaniards with ears differ from all other nations of the world, and I should not fune up, it's all and so well, she is very tired in any case, fighting back in the morning from these bastards. And in general, it should urgently go to bushes, as these two can and now hide in the toilet. And now I myself will deal with them. Still, my guests, she did not invite them. Then the maid closed his eyes, I sat in such a state, not moving, twenty seconds and said: "It's good that still bushes are full and palm trees, but it would never have time to run" ... after which the maid threw her head somewhere in the back side And scared. I approached closer and sniffed Galina. From it, absolutely nothing smelled, except for the fragrance just cooked urine. Heap of thoughts interrupted with some white box in the hand of the roof.
"Old man," he turned to me, "this fool burned all the cookies!"
- What is the cookie? - I asked the stabbed language.
- Well, what do we get out of them? Cookies are like an offsy cookie, but a little with spices. I flew from Amsterdam yesterday. And there I bought a cookie with Hashish, very tasty. And this link, when I was unpaved at night, I decided to sho it. It was necessary, of course, to her, sho it for the special, but I sho, knew that she had a master's shop ...
- Listen, defective, why did you bring it to the house, you don't know that neither I nor a wife have never touched this nasty? What do you want juvenile children to please, a piece of idiot?
"What did you break down like a honeycomb (crazy) on the bridal: I heard, sho you were forbidden to smoke, so I decided that no one forbade sho?!
It was his last joke. I remembered him all the forty years of our friendship, his mother, all his relatives and neighbors around the house on the fourteenth station in Odessa. Tolik was silent, though, apparently, he really wanted to argue ...
At this time, Galya, choking and shine, walked, making some incomprehensible sounds. I strained and went to the nearest cottage to the acquaintance. Sergey house was not, but Lyuba's wife listened to me with interest. Actually, there was nothing to listen, since I asked her a phone of some reliable doctor who could come now. Lyuba has flushed and said that he himself calls one, to his board, and he will now begin, but it will cost five hundred euros. I was all agreed and returned to the veranda. I idiot woke up gallants, somehow gharne Dernaschi and then shoved in the shower. Rinsing the body of the maid (prefiguration preparation) in the shower) with me, the Catiesnik courageously listened to my monologue that Rosalia Yakovlevna, the kingdom of her heaven, should have been from Tolik, of course, to make an abortion. Tolik from the resentment of puffs with Odessa accent, but continued to be silent.
It was no longer any strength to raise the body to the second floor in Galina's room, and we, somehow wrapped the Donetsk region in the terry robe, put it in my bedroom. After half an hour, a doctor appeared accompanied by a neighbor of Luba. A shy Dima thirty years has risen in the living room on a bite of china, until finally got the desired pyatokatnik. After that, he went into the bedroom, touched the Lob's Gale, looked for some reason, raising his sleeping upper lip, and asked what happened. I envied ... At this time, Tolik got out on the stage again, but this time asked a more fundamental question.
- You, a collech, damage or do you have a specialty sho?
The question was not in the eyebrow, but in the mouth, since it also turned out that the doctor was the dentist. My surprised eyebrows had seen to Lysina, but at that moment Lyuba struck me with an unborn argument: "You asked for your doctor. Dima is very different "... Then the pair proudly retired with my Euro to the next summer cottage with the words:" Let's go, doctor, you even at the same time looking at me "...
We started cleaning the premises. With unusual, it was painful and difficult at the same time. In fifteen minutes, our ungivory work was interrupted by the sounds of medical "inspection" from the neighboring cottage, which is coming through the open windows. Whether my five hundred euros opened the patient and her tooth physician so much, whether he inspects everything so much, but the Cacman and I were cleaning, poured on a glass of cognac and leaving the inspection with unknown moans, slightly envy the doctor, to the end. Fortunately, he is the end - it came pretty quickly. It can be seen, the "inspection" ended. The fact that the doctor did not look at the neighbor for the first time, even Jessica was understandable. That is he and "his dentist". But why I had to pay for it, there was a small secret village of Nahabino.
Soon the wife returned home with the purchases. Favorite looked slightly surprised at me with a scoop and a broom, on two empty glasses on the table near the TV, on a naked maid, stood on our bed, and quietly asked:
- And what, in fact, is going on?
"This is a long story," I replied.
Seeing that the situation is slightly heated, Tolik put a baseball cap and with the words "I'll go a little breathing air, otherwise you have a stuffy" went out.
- It's a long story? - I repeated my favorite and then added - nothing, start. You know, I have, oddly enough, tonight full time.
"You see, my joy, Tolik read in a newspaper that now in Russia no longer smoke and therefore decided to buy cookies ... oatmeal ... And it really liked Gale ...
In the morning I went out on the street and Obomlel in a tetanus. Two drunken vranbadan crows were lying on a neighbor-love Bentley. They quietly karkali and tightened their feet, lying on a completely broken pink hood. The car was broken over the entire surface and resembled the mini city of Grozny during the first or second war. Tolik stood on our porch with a suitcase in his hand and rather grunts in the mustache, staring at the ribborn birds.
- You know, five hundred euros, of course, do not return, but such a fusion even on the marine station is not a canal in the best years. And I still had a small box of cookie, on the reserve. Taki I night on Taratayka and sprinkled, so that they are also good in life ...
For some reason, I also became good. And I once again for the old memory forgave Tolika-Schmolica. Youth memories are a great thing, you know ... Yes, and the fight against smoking is a good thing ... "