Marianna Abavitova is a clinical psychologist, a candidate of psychological sciences. She has studies and graduate school at the Samara Institute of General Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy. She argues that in his profession it led to a desire to understand human psychology deeper. "At the time of study, it seemed to me that psychological education I receive for myself and my development," says Marianna Abavitov, "but ultimately it didn't work out: for many years I work as a psychologist, engaged in private practice, consulting Elizhen." She honestly admits that he prefers NLP to classic psychoanalysis, as she likes to work on the result and see shine in the eyes of customers, and not "talking to talk" on the couch: "Psychoanalysis is definitely financially profitable specialist, but I prefer to solve problems and make people Happy. "
Marianna Abavitova
Nowadays, psychology is becoming more and more popular. If earlier people poured their soul to friends, today most of them understand that the problems are better to solve with a professional. But then another question arises: how and the variety of coaching and psychologists choose this specialist? Are there any signs to distinguish a professional from charlatan?
The question is to pour the soul to a psychologist or not, in fact is controversial. In this question, it all depends on the goals you are haunting. If your goal is to speak, and it becomes easier for you, you can stop on this. But if you do not want to be limited to the poultrying of the soul, but you want to change, change your scenario of behavior, think about personal growth or do not want to make any mistakes in the future, then you need to go not to your friend, but to a good psychologist who knows about What he says, has knowledge and highly efficient technicians. With the help of a psychologist, you can adjust your life as soon as possible, your perception and perception of yourself (these are different things). After the correction, your actions will be different - you will get real results.
As for how to determine a professional in front of you or not, it is also not difficult. There are several barriers through which you need to miss a psychologist, and if it passes these important points, it means that it can be dealt with. The first thing I want to draw your attention to, the specialist needs to collect information. It should not be focused on publishing in glossy magazines: now such a time when opening any publication can be stumbled upon an expert article. But who wrote this article? Perhaps copywriter, well, if since the psychologist. Unfortunately, this articles are often ordered or paid edition. Therefore, the best way to be the recommendations of friends and acquaintances, who you trust and whose opinions are willing to listen to the best way. Because it is important not publications in publications and not storsis in instagram with advice, but a set of factors: among which changes in the life that your familiar after therapy; acceptable price; Comfort in communication and much more. The second point is definitely the presence of higher education. Because today on the Internet, you can find a huge number of psychologists in quotes, which "write" articles have sites, piano, tell about themselves as family psychologists or even worse as children, but when you start collecting specific information about them, it turns out that That these people have no vocational education. This is the moment of danger. If people have no education, it means they will rely on their life experience, interpret it for you, thus practicing their programs for you, followed by their problems, fears, experiences, etc. while a person with Psychological education will be based on the knowledge they received in the university, the practice he passed under the guidance of professors, academics, etc. Mastery is transmitted including from hand to hand. Naturally, psychological education is a base that guarantees that the person you came to with your problems will not harm you. The third moment - if you got to a psychologist, and after which you feel that you are confused in your problem, you have been downloaded even more, you are being depressed, you promised the therapy that will take the year and more, believe me, not worth going to such a specialist . In psychology, if we will now exclude psychoanalysis (according to it separately), there are a lot of ways to solve the problem of a person and unravel all its tangles in the shortest possible time. Therapy for months or years is practiced usually in therapeutic groupsIf you encounter a proposal of the "specialist" to take a reception 10 times or come to an avenue times and get a bonus - 2 sessions for free, you should understand that it is not about treatment, but about earning through you money. In this case, the plans of such "specialists" do not include quick assistance to you, their task, as possible, to tighten the process longer. From my own, I can see what to find a good specialist to whom you can contact in any situation, it is expensive. Today there are really many psychologists, but not every of them is a good specialist. This is by the way relates to specialists in any sphere, not only in psychology.
And how to understand that you have problems you need to solve professionally? After all, it often seems to us that with us everything is in order, it's just the world to us not fair and people come across completely bad.
Customers come often to me and they say that they trample on the spot or gave a circle and returned back or there were 10 relationships and they are all like a copy. Of course, it is worth paying attention to the time of the summaryness and repeatability in your life of some negative moments. Try, falling into a certain situation, remember, and whether something like something like. It usually happens like this: each subsequent situation is worse than the previous one, and this indicates that the problem you have and is not solved. The second point - you often fall into depressive states, of which you find it difficult to get out. To understand what is happening with you and why it is exactly what is a professional. But not always. Any sensible person can independently build logical chains and analyze where it all started to pull out its problem from the subconscious, to designate it and solve it. To a psychologist, you need to go when you cannot cope with the situation, we are on the same rake, moving on a closed circle, do not help either soul souls, nor their advice, while you are intelligent, you understand everything, but You can not. Believe me, two sessions from a good specialist will be enough for you in order to put your head in place.
The famous expression "Help yourself works for psychologists? Can a psychologist help himself, if he has some problems: for example, self-esteem, with relationships, with men, etc.?
Let's start with the fact that a good psychologist is a person who initially (even before it became a practicing specialist) decided all his problems: he arranged his life so that calling him unfortunate is the same thing to say about him that he Not successful. Naturally, his personal life is built on the principles of internal and external ecology, which include the state of harmony, happiness, self-confidence, the success, which is based on the right perception of themselves, adequate self-esteem, the ability to communicate with people, filter them, express their opinion, speak No need "no". Understand yourself, appreciate yourself and correctly evaluate - this is the highest pilot machine from which everything starts. The correct perception of ourselves is the core - the center of our small universe, from which races go towards loved ones, parents, friends, acquaintances, etc. The psychologist should not have problems in personal life, and he must have charisma, because this A person knows a lot, a lot feels and understands. A good psychologist knows how to scan a person. Moreover, he is a subtle listener who correctly perceives that you feel m correctly decipher what you want to say. This is a big plus in communication. Therefore, I want to return to such a person. This also applies to personal life - such people are always attractive to the opposite sex. This psychologist is one who all is in order and everything is harmonious.
Most often people add on problems with the opposite sex
Photo by rex pickar on unsplash
What problem to you most often appeal to the representatives of the fine sex? And men?
The leading place in women occupy problems with the opposite sex. Lack of partnership - then we are looking for problems in the woman itself, relationship with your husband, with children, parents, colleagues. And, of course, relationships with yourself because the roots of the problems need to look inside themselves. In the first place there are relations with women and work or business - for representatives of the strong half of humanity, this is an equally important problem. And only then the relationship with children and parents go. Despite not that we all live in one society, men and women are creatures from different planets.
How to understand that a visit to a psychologist helped? Are there any criteria for successful therapy?
Everything is simple enough: if you come out of a psychologist, and it became easier for you, it means that you helped a visit to a psychologist. This is a good symptom. If you want to come to him again - this is the second criterion for the success of therapy. A modern man is so arranged that he is looking for not only relief of his condition, but also an understanding of his reasons. When you leave a bad psychologist, you can feel even more misunderstanding, you can feel completely confused. In general, therapy can be recognized successful when your life begins to change: naturally, not by itself, but thanks to you and what you understood or let go.
In one interview, you said that you prefer NLP psychoanalysis. Tell us why? Now your opinion remains unchanged?
Yes, I prefer to work with neurolynguistic programming techniques. I would compare NLP with a laser operation: when a person comes, for example, with a tumor, and for one session, we free it from this tumor. He leaves satisfied and happy. The fact is that reprogramming occurs within one session - a person comes one, and leaves completely different: with burning eyes and result. I adore this moment of transfiguration, because a person manages to throw a whole backpack, which he constantly dragged with him and who pulled it on the bottom, did not let you go and breathe oxygen. Man feels relief and influx of energy. Of course, this method is suitable for solving not all problems, but it is very effective for some certain questions. As for psychoanalysis, I have a narrow specialization of psychoanalyst, among other things, this method cannot be called quick therapy. In this way there is nothing wrong - just every one, and the person has the right to choose the way to treat it more. It all depends on what results you want to achieve: fast, high-quality and tangible, then NLP is better for you.
If you scroll through the Internet or look at any site in psychology, then the most relevant topics today are toxic relationships, understated self-esteem, problems in personal life. Often, in the articles on these topics, the authors make a reference to childhood and say that the roots of all problems need to look there. Is it really? How to defeat children's complexes and fears? Is it possible to deal with it yourself?
It is true, toxic relationships from childhood, as, however, and 90% of all our problems and complexes, because personality bricks are laid at a rather young age. And if toxic relationships practiced in your family, you can confidently say that you will suffer further in life. Of course, I urge everyone to live consciously: to understand with whom you communicate, why and what you get from these relationships. Apply such a business approach to life and people, but in the good sense of the word. Of course, you can communicate with a girlfriend, which has already used you 20 years as a vest, but you have to make aware that these relationships do not have anything to do with friendship. There are other types of toxic relationships. In psychotherapy there is such a term "Alcoholic Wife" - this is a woman who is included in the alcoholism of her husband. If such a woman get rid of alcoholic, she will find a different one who must certainly save. By the way, she can find and an absolutely normal man, but with his actions subconsciously bring it to the fact that it will become a complete alcoholic. Therefore, of course, you need to deal with whom and why you communicate - this can be done on your own. If you can't understand yourself, you are confused, feel that you are constantly used, then you should contact a specialist. But it is important to understand the main thing: you will still have to understand the same people, but with ourselves, finding out why everything is so, and not otherwise. And get ready for your life after therapy will change much.
If we take into account that our problems come from childhood and because our parents were imperfect. How to become an ideal parent who will not cause any psychological harm to her child. Is it even possible?
It is impossible to become an ideal parent. We are people, not saints. The ideal is an unattainable dream for which you do not need to be equal. But if you are seriously thinking about having children or you already have, avoid in the upbringing of extremes. There are 2 approaches in the upbringing: emotional and rational, each of them is in its pure form - it is nothing more than the extreme. Emotional approach: These are the eternal Syi-Pusi, and when the child goes beyond - hysterics in some cases with manual application, then the feeling of guilt and new Sucy Pusi. A rational approach: not to indulge, a child has 24 hours a day of a mug and classes, no free time, control, perfect appearance, study on the "five". Naturally, such extremes will not lead to anything good, and the child will grow into a pathological personality. In the upbringing there should be "Golden Middle". Children should grow in love and care. The best moment of education is your own example, and you should never forget about it. If you want to be close to the parent ideal, perceive your child as it is, do not require something from it, do not work out its complexes on it and do not make it responsible for the embodiment of your dreams. The child is a small person who needs to be respected, listen and hear. The child needs to be understood. He must have free time and happy childhood. You do not need to take it 24/7, you will not grow a successful person in this way. He must have time alone with himself for self-development, in order to learn how to dream, build logic chains, relax, play, fantasize. And smaller gadgets - from them, of course, it is impossible to refuse to completely, but reduce the use of their children in our power.
How did you think of the idea of creating a project "Bedding Secrets with Mariana Abravitova", the first two issues of which everyone can look at Youtube? What is the main difference between your project from similar to it?
If we talk about my new project "Bedding secrets with Mariana Abravita", then you can interpret this name in different ways. For many, the word "bed" creates an association with harmony, relaxation, comfort, recreation. Accordingly, the formal approach in the bed of speech can not be. After all, the bed is a place of liberty, removal of external and internal shackles, elimination of borders. Clothing in which we are in bed, pajamas, homely bathrobe, etc., speaks of confidence. If a psychologist meets on a platform with a hero in bed and pajamas, the latter has such associations. In my opinion, a person will more frankly tell about himself, and it is always very entertaining and curious, because I invite you to the transfer of only the most interesting people who have something to share with the audience and with me. You are right, now on television and on YouTube there are a huge number of programs, the basis of which is interviewing people. But in all of them there is a formal approach and partly embellishment itself, which in my case is almost impossible. I have ways to liberate a person and help him reveal, be sincere. From this we won everything - and I, as a presenter, and my spectators who see a person as it is, and this is another plus to popularity, and, of course, my heroes, because they have the opportunity to speak.
Who will be your studio? Celebrities or ordinary people?
The guest of my program can be each. I am interested in people, different professions and social statuses. But it will always be charismatic people, deep, bright, successful, interesting. Those who survived some unusual, unique story, listening to which everyone can learn something. After all, it is not true that you can learn only on your own experience, someone else's, on the psychological level, we also perceive as yours if they were involved in the story, they empathized with a hero, and therefore carried out something positive from heard.
What topics will be discussed in bed with a psychologist Mariana Abravitova? Will it be therapy sessions or ordinary interviewing and communication?
The approach to interviewing will be different. And I will be repelled, both from the personality of the hero and the conversation itself. My position is not to drag the blanket on yourself in conversation, but to give a person to speak. I will only direct, reveal and hear the interlocutor. If my guest is needed psychotherapy, it will be built, but I think the viewer will not even notice, because I have, like a professional, have its secrets and developments. The usual interviews are not in my manner, but still a creative person, so I will try to talk to such topics for which it is not pleasant. I think my transfer will be unique in this site of our country.
Do you have a recipe for happiness that you could share with our readers? What is a modern woman who wants to be happy, should stand in the first place? How to learn to love yourself?
Of course, I have it. If you accept yourself and the rules of this world, the foundation in order to be happy you already have. All misfortunes begin when you do not accept one or another or just right away. If you have many complaints about yourself, you find many flaws, weight, growth, you do not like yourself if you constantly tie the feeling of happiness to some point (getting married, wealth, plastic surgery), then alas, happy You'll never be. Happiness is an internally sensation that does not depend on something. Your success is your inner me, your internal content and a globility that does not depend on external factors. You can not make bindings: if I have it, then I will be happy. Do not cling and social roles: only a married woman can be happy, happiness in motherhood, etc. Today we can understand happiness as we want. In my understanding, happiness is self-realization, when you show, with the joy of perceiving yourself and this world, then around you begins to spread everything, interesting people and new opportunities appear. If you are interested in living, you will be happy.
Marianna, quite recently, your book "I am a Magnet for Money" came out - what is she?
Our life is designed so that we have access to everything, but in reality only to what we allow yourself to have. Because we like no one can limit yourself in desires - roughly speaking, we yourself do not allow something to have, including in the material plan. Of course, this, first of all, concerns the subconscious and those programs that we get in childhood when the formation of personality occurs. My book "I am a Magnet for Money" clarifies such things and teaches how to reprogram yourself how to get rid of "psychology of begging". It collected a mass of the technician, how to love money and make them answer you with reciprocity, how to learn to let yourself be who you want to be. Read my book in which all the secrets of money in your life are disclosed.