Recently, our readers and readers have many questions about the crisis of family life ... someone is difficult to solve any problems. And someone is afraid to marry in advance due to the fact that "the relationship rules", "life will immediately divide on before and after" and "you won't call a good thing." In addition, everyone is heard about the crises of the 1st, 3 and 7 years of family life. So some think, after seeing for marchs: "Maybe they, these serious relationships? Nowadays it is not necessary to marry, you can live like that. Why complicate life yourself and other. " Or: "What if I can't work?" Those who still decided to make an adventure and faced the first problems, say: "They say, the crisis of the 1st year, maybe this is from us?" And what crises are and what they eat - it is not clear.
So, the crisis. Simply put, this is a moment in life when the relationship has ceased to arrange you in the form in which they exist at the moment. In other words, they went to a dead end. You were annoying some kind of habits of your partner, his behavior, attitude to life and so on ... And you understand that you don't want to live like that more so much that you need to change something. It is important to note that the desire to change something occurs only if the relationship is really the road. Moreover, overcoming the family crisis is possible only by the joint efforts of both partners. If one flatly refuses to invest in a relationship, then it does not make sense to force it and nothing remains except to let go and finish the relationship.
Why do crises arise? A frequent reason is difficulties in the transition to a new stage of the family life cycle.
So, the stages, their tasks and possible problems.
The first stage is a period of courtship - young people are found, but still do not live together. The so-called candy bakery period. The most important tasks are the mastery in full, young people of courtship skills and attracting partner's attention. Where without it? This is the basis of love relationships. In addition, it is important to achieve financial and emotional autonomy from its parental family. That is, it is important to be able to provide themselves and independently make decisions, not depend on the point of view of parents.
The second stage is a marriage without children, young people are just beginning to live together. This is where the crisis of the 1st year may come. It lies in the fact that spouses need to learn how to live together. That is, the "trigger" occurs. Both "came out" from different families, each of which has its own rules and traditions that usually do not coincide. If we talk about external rules, then everything is more or less clear. You can agree, who will buy bread or wash the dishes. But there is a deeper level. I will give an example. In the family, Mom's husband always got up earlier than Pope, dressed, painted, preparing breakfast, and then I was already a dad. There was nothing like that in his wife's family. Everyone got up in random order, and then in pajamas and coats cozy, together, breakfast. Each of the newlyweds thinks that loving people should behave according to the scenario, which is accepted in their family and, without finding anything like that in the behavior of the partner, begin to think that "he (she) does not like me enough." Overcoming these differences is not easy, they are not always obvious. At this stage, sexual disagreements may arise ...
The next stage is a family with young children. The most important task of this stage is the acceptance of parental roles. In addition, it is necessary to somehow manage to not forget about married. Very often with the birth of the first child, parents forget that they are husband and wife, because of this, the proximity and intimacy between them are lost. There may be disputes about the education of the child. Jealousy may occur, since one of the spouses may feel that the child is more attached to another.
Often there is a question about the professional realization of his wife, about her financial dependence on her husband. This period is called the crisis of 3 years of relationship.
The fourth stage is stabilization - the phase of mature marriage. This is a period of education of children, which continues until the first child leaves the house. It seems that everything is fine, a certain social status will be achieved, which opens up many opportunities, no longer small children. But the marriage by this time is already gaining experience, old joint interests may lose relevance due to age or for other reasons, and partners have to look for new ones to keep interest in each other. In addition, during this period, people tend to bring certain life-defined results, that is, the middle-aged crisis comes. And children are not lagging behind - as a rule, by this time they reach adolescent age, which does not always flow smoothly. Grandparents are aging, care for them. In general, everything is not as simple as it seems at first glance. All this is just about the crisis of 7 years of relationship.
The fifth stage is the "empty nest" - a phase in which children gradually leave the house and spouses remain alone. It is considered the most problematic. It often happens that the life of the family is spinning mainly around children. And when they leave the parent home - marry or just start an independent life - it turns out that the spouses are not talking about with each other. That is, they dissolved so much in their parental duties that they had forgotten how they were husband and wife.
Well, the last stage - MONOSTADIA - someone from the partners remains one after the death of another. It ends the life cycle on it.
Considering the above, it is difficult to disagree that the family life is difficult. The question arises, is there a relationship without crises? Psychologists believe that there is no. Further development is impossible without crisis.
But they can be viewed differently - as the ability to change attitudes towards the best. Yes, life exposed your shortcomings in front of each other, but there is a unique chance to cope with them, it is better for yourself and for each other. After all, the crisis is jointly experienced by the spouses only shares them, feelings are stronger. The main thing is not to launch problems, do not let in a sideway, thinking that "everything will be done by itself," and actively discuss and solve them.
In addition, if it turns out to build trust, complete mutual understanding, respect and support, crises can pass unnoticed.
And yet, the tests are given only to those who are able to overcome them ;-)