I have already affected such important topics as crisis in the relationship, the problem of divorces, and so on. Nevertheless, many will continue to wonder why some families live long and happily, and others disintegrate in the first year or two livelihood. Why does it happen?
I suggest another look at the cause of problems in the relationship between a man and a woman. Namely, our unjustified expectations from these very relations can be everything.
In this post, I want to talk about the most common expectations that poison our lives.
So, the most basic is the expectation of a partner of a certain expression of love. In different families, it is customary to do in different ways, and sometimes we do not even think about what happens differently. You can bring a bunch of examples, since this problem exists from cave times. Imagine a man comes home with hunting. All day he looked out for the biggest and meaty mammoth, to kill him and bring his woman. He scored a hack of wood, so that the heat in the cave was. I barely dotted everything. And all for your beloved! Happy, thinks that he will delight his beloved. And she was upset. She does not need a mammoth or firewood. It is rather a bouquet of field flowers, but more attention is more. And the husband does not understand what is the matter - whether the Mammoth is not large enough, or there are few firewood ... So it turns out that it seems like everyone else loves, but at the same time unhappy with each other. And all because in the family of his wife, all life was permeated by romantics and tenderness. She had a bunch of sisters. All with their parents walked, laughed, hugging and kissed. And in the family of her husband, all the children were boys, Dad was engaged in their upbringing, drove her hunt, and Mom sat at home and cared for everyone, she prepared dinner and waited everyone in the evening. As a result, from an early age, together with the mother's milk, the manna kasha, the first murdered Mammont everyone learned his model of manifestation of love and care, and struggled to follow her to please his half. Well, of course, I was waiting for the behavior corresponding to the same model.
This scenario can be repeated in different contexts and in any life situations.
It happens that partners want the same, but shy to confess to each other, expecting misunderstanding or even critics. For example, in the evening, going together to go to visit, where fun, noisy company and other joys are planned. But in the depths of the soul, everyone dreams about staying at home and stay together, alone. And both are silent. As a result, the whole evening with sour mines is carried out in the company of friends. And again solid discontent. And if they are recognized in their desires, they immediately feel madly happy and satisfied with each other.
Often we fall into the trap, when we expect that if our chosen / chosen one behaved in some way, he behaved in relation to its previous couple, then it will also be necessary to behave in relation to us. For example, a modern girl became acquainted with a young man. Fell in love with unconsciousness. And it is mutual. He made her an offer, she agreed. It seems to be all happy. Suddenly she finds out that he from his former demanded that she was constantly and much prepared. She is shocked, really waiting for her the same fate? And she does not know how to cook at all and, moreover, he does not like it! This expectation is not quite reasonable and requiring checks. After all, they were completely different relationships. People change and the situation changes. The girl even never came to mind that there are other advantages in it that her young man appreciates much more. That in relations with her, he needs quite another.
Before the heap I want to add that we can be in captivity of our own expectations from ourselves. The girl decides that there will be no first to call the young man and expects to follow his decision, but for some reason it does not stand and make a forbidden call. After that, a long cinth of himself and this certainly causes frustration primarily in herself.
From the side, as in the movie, everything is obvious, but, facing reality, we are lost, upset and feel unhappy. What to do with your expectations?
First of all, they need to be tracked and discussed with their second half. This will noticeably improve your relationship. Empty illusions and silent insults will disappear. The amount of discontent per unit of time will significantly decrease. Voltage will fall.
Of course, it is not always the expectations of partners coincide. But no one has canceled compromises. You can also give up in extreme cases, from this, alas, you can not get anywhere. In any case, it is much more constructive than to sit, wait, when the favorite (Aya) guess about desires, and save discontent. Being in captivity of expectations, we deprive our life of spontaneity, brightness and unpredictability. In addition, without having ambitious expectations from the partner, we get the opportunity more often to detect pleasant surprises in it ;-)