We want to like men, be loved, causing admiration. Sometimes it seems - this will happen, and I will be happy. But here the reason and consequence are confused. First you need to love yourself, otherwise nothing will happen. After all, no one will offer us the best relationship rather than our own to yourself.
Dislikes are formed in childhood. At the moment when the child sees the whole world in the parent, the relationship with the parent is a reflection of the relations of the world and the basis of the perception of themselves. The farther and colder were the parents, the hardest to find themselves even in adulthood. We were all children and remember how important and vitally need to be heard, hugged, cherished. So that the fear of the darkness does not cause irritation from the parents so that tears because of the boys were not met by depreciation and raising. We all, without exception, you need parental love and caress, at least in order to find the love of love.
Parental warmth, compliments, pride, support is the soil on which the child's self-esteem grows, his attitude towards himself, his worldview. Where the soil is frozen or not at all, nothing will grow. Where there was a lot, richly, fertuously grows out an adult child who knows the price and no one, even the most tough tyrant, will not break his faith in herself.
Psychologist Alena Al-As
The reasons for dislike can be somewhat. For example:
- Employment of parents, their fatigue, aggression Against this background, the departure from the child, cause him a sense of inferiority, unnecessaryness. I want to close;
- Mocking parents of the opposite sex often cause problems in knowing themselves and in the sexual sphere;
- Jealousy to youngest children or mother, constant absorption "You've older", breeds the fear of age in man, hostility to an adult. From here and "I am again 18", the constant desire seems younger;
- Compare parents with neighboring guys, where exactly they are better, smarter, more beautiful. This inconsistency standards causes either wild pubertat and aggression with trying to prove, "who is the best here", or to the syndrome of the excellence, or to the absence of motivation "I'm still bad, why try?";
- The hyperopka of the parents does not lead to anything good. The more flowing, the smallest there are opportunities to live on their own, albeit and stuffing bumps that are experience.
Even if everything was fine in the family, the parents were empathic, attentive and followed the microclimate of the house, we socialize, and our peers and surroundings are influenced by our garden, school, university, at work.
The first relationship, an attempt to build something in particular, does not always lead to success and often ends with a broken heart, disappointment and complexes. Despite all this, you need to understand that any experience is important and valuable, it is necessary for becoming your character and personality and who knows how your life would have happened and whatever you become behind your shoulders of what was.
Learn to love yourself important and need at any age. At 20, in 40 and even in 60, building relationships with them is the best contribution and the most useful work. Because there is no dance with me, love with you, quite definitely will not be a career, relationship, will not be what they dreamed about. Because the dislike for themselves is a bright sticker with the inscription "I am unworthy of this" right on the forehead.
How to love yourself?
- Forgive. Parents for their coldness, brothers for mockery, girlfriends for pumping, first love for the knife in the back. Sit and work out each episode that speaks pain. It is long, but effective. Do not forget, do not lean, not return every time to the thought "But I would", but forgive;
- take your body. With excess weight, with flaws, with a hubber on a nose or with small lips, with low growth or large hands - that's you. In order to change, lose weight or become sportswear, you must take yourself now, and to go from love to improvements, and not from hatred and rejection.
Adoption and self-improvement lie in different planes: you can endlessly improved, but you do not accept yourself. And you can take and imperfect. Come to the mirror and make yourself compliments out loud. Promise to smile at least 10 times a day. "Stupidity, I also did not forced myself to smile," you think, but for the beginning really will have to do it through "Well what kind of nonsense?" And artificially find reasons. And then go into the habit;
- Get rid of the feeling of guilt. Take a rule: "What is over, remains behind." Infinite scrolling in the head, building dialogs, playing situations, fantasy on the topic: "What would happen if I ...". " Leave in the past.
You have the right to make a mistake - this is normal. You do not have to justify anyone for your mistakes. Allow yourself to be imperfect;
- Do not compare yourself and do not wait for the assessments of others. Do not do something because Mom (or someone else) praise. Yes, you did not get it in childhood, but now you are not obliged to constantly turn around in anticipation of the approving nod. You can be smarter or more stupid, lucky or not than someone. All their stories, their original data and there are no identical human destinies;
- Clean the praise. Often, the woman's compliment begin to argue: "Oh, yes, throw, just a good makeup." Made a compliment? Thank you. It is difficult for people to get out of the shell and, if you praise, if you admire and talk about it, perhaps a person also works on himself and makes the first steps. "Do not hit the hands" and do not demonstrate your drawbacks - they can be with you, you know about it, but the one who you are talking about, could not notice.
Remember that you may not get anything because you are not so, but because today luck has left you. But this does not mean that it will not return tomorrow. Love yourself and accept how the truth is that you deserve good relationship, love and care