What you do not need to do after the treason of your loved one?

In my psychotherapeutic practice, I regularly come across the problem of betrayal. Alas, today, however, as before, married treason is a common phenomenon. No sporty people tell anecdotes, shoot movies, write books on this topic. The reasons for the change can be the most different - the desire of diversity in sex, the general dissatisfaction with the marriage, the desire to raise self-esteem, revenge in response to the same treason, the absence of another way to complete relations and so on. And so, when people face this unpleasant event, the question inevitably arises - what to do next? How to do it? Discount or not? Treason can cause unbearable pain, because this is a serious blow to relationships, by self-esteem, by feeling your own uniqueness. This is a crisis, to survive which is not so easy. And the very first thing to be done is to admit that I am in this very crisis and in dire need of support and sympathy. Yes, yes, I, and not someone else. Help can conversation with loved ones. Or, on the contrary, for a faster recovery, the best medicine may be loneliness. Someone useful will go to the theater or in the movie to dispel. Opportunities to support themselves a lot, and they are all individual. The main thing is to recognize your sadness and regret yourself with a suitable way.

Then it is important to try to look at the situation on the part, mentally separating yourself from your experiences. Do not need to ignore and suppress your feelings, but it should not be completely obeyed by them. Taking an external position towards the situation, it will be easier to understand what you want from relationships. You can try to imagine that the relationship is over, and survive this pain. Useful will remember what goals you have out of marriage, which brings pleasure regardless of the partner, and think if you can continue to live without this relationship. Awareness that you do not scatter, can become a serious support for the restoration of your union. I want to emphasize that we are not talking about the demonstrative position "not very much you need me," which actually implies "Vernelics me."

And finally, the most important thing (before that it was preparation) is to conduct an open dialogue with its partner. Discuss what generally happens inside the marriage, which has changed lately, what both you are experiencing feelings about what has happened, as you see the outcome of the situation. At the same time, try to speak openly, avoiding critics and accusations, they will only make a partner to defend themselves and will not help solve the problem.

Still wanted warn on what you should not do:

- Search for support from a partner. He will not be able to give it to you, because he himself is littered with contradictory emotions;

- Constantly track where your husband / young man is and what does. And also often ask what he thinks. This may lead to the opposite effect, as the relationship will be perceived as burdensome nos;

- Discuss the nuances of treason - where, when, as well as ... These details will be remembered for a long time, they are very difficult to forget, and for many years they will hurt you.

Yes, a universal answer to the question: "What to do now?" does not exist. But, having done a similar job on him, to respond to himself and make a decision will be easier.

Different couples relate differently to treason. Someone is easier to survive her, someone is more difficult. As I have already written in one of the previous articles, the crisis may be collapsed for a relationship, and maybe the opportunity for development. In this context, the second depends on how openly partners will be able to discuss relationships, carefully refer to each other's feelings and rely on themselves in this situation.