The hard article is to be, even in general, about dreams, but the complex history of relations with the dramatic ending lies behind them.
"Hello. I have such a situation. Almost a year ago my husband died, or rather, he decided to leave this life - hanged himself. Under life, a person could not find a place, like and a good job, and the child is adult already. It would be necessary to live and rejoice, but no, he was looking for all the one that would be better, but always remembered me. Before he died, we have lived half a year separately, sometimes came, there was a passion, and regret that I went to the other. But with that he did not live and the month, he began to call me, asked to return, I forgive him and went for himself. He returned, everything is fine, but he felt that she would take him, he did not give him peace. I had to go to my grandmother, he had duty, did not let go. In the morning, after duty, I called me, talked, said that I was going home, would be resting. I left my grandmother with a calm soul. But in the evening this terrible news came, his mother called and said that he came, talked to her, said that he was very tired, she went to the kitchen to prepare something delicious him. And at that time he deprived himself life. After his death, I lived, or existed in this life. He dreamed of me, asked for me to be with him, always pulled by his hands, dragged somewhere. Dreamed, hugged, said that I forgive him that he was fine. Even there was a dream when he stands in front of the mirror, it is worshiped and seeing me, asks for urgently photographing, then then everything he is now. Waking up, first of all I looked at the phone and saw a dark snapshot smeared - it is not clear what is depicted there. And now it's not so often, but I dream of talking to him, he talks about himself, I am about myself. Everyone says that I do not let him go, and because of this we have such a connection. Sometimes I am afraid I am afraid that he will take me away. How to be? "
Suicide ... at the same time common and forbidden topic. The topic to which it is impossible to treat indifferent. Everything without exception respond to voluntary leaving about life, any religious confession has its own tough position on this occasion, considering suicide the greatest sin. And at the same time it happens.
Several articles ago, we considered the stage with you, in which the death of another person passes. This fact is so crushing, painful, unbearable for loved ones, is impossible to survive it. The psychological process take care of life can take the year, and sometimes much more.
Briefly remind you that people are experiencing a grief with certain patterns: first deny what happened, since the thought itself seems unacceptable, unreal, then anger comes to shift: for doctors, on yourself, on others, to work, which brought to such on lovers or mistresses. We are angry with what we left. And most importantly, we are angry with the one who died and thus left us.
The next stage, we enter into negotiations with the highest forces, begin to dream if it were possible to return everything, then ... Many at this stage make poems, songs, print photos of the deceased. All the forces are trying to extend its existence in this world. The replacement of this stage comes real sadness, longing, sadness, despair, against the background of which we understand that everything is in vain and irretrievably. There we are truly experiencing separation with a deceased person. And after that, adoption, humility and filling of life with a new meaning. We continue to miss and wander, however, they are able to live on, keeping in memory different aspects of our relations. In many ways, we become more sensitive, we begin to mean your life in meaningful, knowing that it is not infinite.
In a situation where a person made suicide, the first 2 stages are a real shock for loved ones. Our dreamy writes that she lived and did not live at the same time. Recognize the fact that the husband did it himself voluntarily - here is a crushing fact. Most likely, his mother, and his wife, our heroine, torments the most causing feeling of guilt. As a rule, the relatives of a man who committed suicide is a painful feeling in a cellular size. They are trying to cope with him, many transmissions on TV are even devoted to the fact that all the truths and untrue to prove that he did it not himself. In trying to cope with the feeling of guilt, and in fact, with rage on the one who thus left them, fantasy can turn around anything. Our heroine dreams are completely realistic, as if her husband is alive, communicates with her, continues to call her towards him.
The destructive thought dictated by a sense of guilt may be that after what she had happened, a dream, a dream was not worthy, did not save, "did not fuck her husband. Therefore, she will dream that her husband "drags with him", as if he will take it to keep it in this world with the task, and now he wants his existence for it. Many relatives of those who committed suicide continue to exist, but a real life, filled with meaning, love, implementing themselves, it is difficult to call. They seem to die along with those who committed suicide. They tend to look at themselves through the prism of what they are to blame and deserve the worst.
I can say that for our heroine was a bold step to write this letter. Suicide is the topic forbidden, shameful. From hundreds of families with whom it happened, only a few capable of talking about it, without making secrets around suicide, others only multiple their suffering, condemn themselves on a lonely protracted grief. Waiting for you, if you decide, a whole layer of difficult experiences: anger, guilt, resentment on the late husband. In such cases, it is easier to do this with optimal support: psychotherapy is one of the options. Perhaps there are groups of meetings of people with whom it happened, for sure there are communities on the Internet, where people who survived such experience are divided by their stories. Perhaps there are groups with churches or temples, where relatives have additional help. The beacon for a new life can be the fact that dreams, where the husband "drags to himself," mean that the feeling of guilt is still leading your non-life, refusing to itself and self-regulations. You could not do anything or influence, since this decision he took himself, no one had to save him, keep it, especially you. You have only one life for which you are responsible - it's own. No self-sacrifice will reverse time, but you can start filling your life with another sense, appreciate the real speed moment, and dreams will change.
And what dreams of you? Examples of your dreams send by mail: [email protected].
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin